A good friend’s daughter went to the hall bathroom in her dormitory on saturday night (morning @ 3ish) and found a freshman girl on the floor vomiting with a very bloody groin. The young woman who discovered the girl in the bathroom is friends with the girl, had spent time with her earlier in the evening and believes she was drugged. She was taken to the er and released. The RA’s are insisting that anyone who witnessed the young woman in that state keep it to themselves. The young woman does not remember much. She remembers a little.
The young woman is ashamed to report what she believes happened to parents or the police and is talking about self harm to friends daughter. Friends can easily contact parent of said girl.
Friends daughter is distraught. Would you want to be contacted if it were your daughter on the bathroom floor? Would you make contact if you knew about such a situation.
Yes absolutely. I feel sorry for the poor girl - this shouldn’t happen to anyone - but the best recourse in my opinion is to file a police report to get the bastard(s) that did this to her (the sooner this is done, the better). She can ask the police to withhold the information from her parents - but ONLY for a little while ( so she can tell them what she thinks happened her own way).
She should NOT be ashamed in any way. She did not do this to herself. Whoever assaulted her should be the one cowering in shame and guilt. It must be stressed to her that it was not her fault.
Now I’m not a parent, but I know my parents would want to know if anything similar happened to me while I was in college. This should not be hidden from them. I suggest that they also take her to a good psychologist/psychiatrist to help her deal with the trauma.
I can’t believe some of the pigs that live among us these days. Why do this to a girl? To anybody? Sick ****s.
The RA’s are in a position of responsibility and are required to report anything they know to their supervisor. This is absolutely not okay. They need training (or they need to be replaced). The SaVE Act makes it clear that sexual violence is to be reported. The young woman needs assistance, and there are people in the school who will be able to provide it to her. Have your friend’s D contact the Title IX Coordinator at the school.
If my daughter were the friend, I’d suggest she speak to the RA and whatever mental health service provider is on campus about the threat of self-harm. That is the immediate issue that needs to be handled IMO.
As to the rest, if it were my daughter, of course I’d want to know. But if she’s 18, I don’t know whether I have the “right” to know. Also, while it sounds like a sexual assault may have occurred, we really don’t know and so I’d be careful about anyone jumping to conclusions.
Wait, wait … she was taken to the ER and released?? Did they do an exam and a rape kit?? This should have been done.
If this is correct, your D’s friend must contact someone in the Title IX office at school … there should have been a police report done at the hospital.
Is the ?? for my comment about the police report? When a young woman comes into an ER with a bloody groin, I cannot imagine it is ever okay to release her without a police report. If they did that, they let her down. She is not going to trust that anyone is going to help her if she was not taken seriously at the hospital. She needs assistance from her school to move forward.
Maybe I am reading too much in between the lines. I am assuming that because the RA’s are telling students not to admit seeing her in that state, the administration does not know what is going on. It sounds like there is a student-led cover-up.
Thanks for responding. Pretty sure the young woman did not want to consent to a rape kit. They sent her home saying she could come back later. She was passed out. Girl who found believes it was drugs as the girl is a light drinker and she was with her for much of the night. Friends daughter definitely went through the residency hall staff. They came back and told everyone to stay quiet and supportive without giving the young woman any real support. Have no clue if they reported it to Title IX coordinator. I am afraid my friend’s daughter feels the weight of this and really would like her friend to get help. I will ask about the Title IX report but I am pretty sure the girl who discovered the girl who was clearly assaulted in some way, has already felt pressure from residence life staff to not speak of it for the sake of privacy.
This is a suspected criminal act. It belongs to the police, not the school. I would assume that a rape kit was done at the hospital.
Regarding the parents being informed, this is really up to the victim. I would want to know if this happened to my daughter but I can also see my daughter wanting to spare me the pain and spare the perp the wrath of her father.
This is exactly the type of situation the SaVE Act is intended to keep from happening. Every school has at least one person assigned to assist in these cases, and the Title IX Coordinator is charged with making sure an assaulted student is taken seriously and gets the help she needs. This person also must make sure there are no cover-ups … and the residence life staff cannot make a decision to keep it private if that means they are keeping it from being addressed. Type “Title IX” in the search bar on the school website to find the coordinator.
Your friend’s daughter will feel FAR worse should this young woman commit suicide or self harm in any way. She may lose a friend, but she may save a life. She should 100% seek help in handling this matter. I hope and pray that when my daughter goes to college next year, that the RAs in her dorm are better prepared to deal with a terrible situation. It is 2015 and sexual assault should not be swept under the carpet!
I agree with the above posters. She should contact her school’s Tile IX coordinator as soon as possible, as well as report the RA for trying to cover up the fact (going on an assumption here).
And I repeat, she should go to the police and report what happened to her. I really hope they catch the creep that did this.
That’s horrible. The RA is dead wrong though, the school should remove him from his position. Was the girl at a party? Not to be harsh, but she should be checked for STDs. Definitely sounds like there was fluid contact if she was bleeding that much. If they are going to make a case they may need any other witnesses if she can’t remember much. However, if she was in very bad physical condition and that was recorded by the hospital (which it sounds like it was), it would be hard to claim it was consensual.
I would suggest friend’s daughter contact the counseling service and whatever rape survivors group is present on campus. They would be in the best position to help this young woman decide what to do and to let her feel she is not alone. If there is nothing like that on campus, there are rape crisis programs many places and rape crisis hotlines. If this girl will not report, friend’s daughter should go and talk to them about what she can or should do. The RAs do not appear to be acting in her best interest. But the girl’s privacy is also at stake: she has the right to decide if she wants to press charges or not. So very sad. I hope the ER at least took a blood test to determine if she had drugs in her system or was highly intoxicated. If this young woman continues to refuse help, I would contact the parents. As said above, better to lose her as a friend than have her self harm.
The woman is talking about harming herself. Keeping her safe is the most important priority, bar none – it’s more important than filing a police report or anything else. I would contact the rape counselors at the school anonymously because they will be able to offer the best advice, better than people on the internet.
I would assume they would say to immediately get the woman counseling from a professional, either from them or from the mental health specialists. This is the most important next step, and needs to happen. They would also be able to say how this should best be done, but the RA’s and the hospital should already have this in motion. It might be tricky if the woman is unwilling. Get their advice on how to handle. This is where your friend’s daughter can best offer her support to get her to seek treatment, all on a confidential basis.
Don’t be so quick to blame the RA’s. They are right to tell everyone to keep this to themselves, but only if they are moving heaven and earth behind the scenes to get the girl help. Your friend’s daughter should talk to the RA privately to make sure this is already being done by the RA. If it’s not then please see point #1.
Asking students to keep this to themselves is very important, particularly since feelings of shame are what are causing the woman to think about harming herself. Students have big mouths and rumors spread fast. The victim needs to be in control of communicating what happened. This also applies to contacting her parents. Yes, I’m sure they’d want to know, but keeping the woman safe is more important. I would only contact the parents if it seemed like an emergency were about to happen or if she wasn’t receiving proper treatment. (I’m assuming the woman is 18 or older).
The rape counselors will know the next steps, which may include getting a rape kit, blood test, or filing a police report or a report with the Title IX office. But letting the victim be in control of the process is extremely important.
Absolutely report it. It disturbs me that the RA seems to be covering it up. I think the RA needs to also be reported. I’m so sorry - I hope she can heal and they find who did this to her.