Feeling kind of crazy with ED1 buyer's remorse

Parents Forum
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<p>Thank you all for your supportive comments. I've calmed down a bit, spent some time shopping with my daughter (who saw me crying at the computer- which I explained as tears in anticipation of her leaving...the truth, but not the whole truth) who reassured me that she thinks she'll be happy at Scripps, that she wonders whether she could have been accepted to some of the schools her friends are going to, that she didn't really contemplate the big name places because she didn't think they were an option, but that she still thinks she'll be happy at Scripps if they take her. </p>

<p>Mini, there is something of an issue with the curriculum in that Scripps doesn't offer much in creative writing or journalism. She'd have to take classes at Pomona (admission by writing sample only- for all students, including Pomona students) or journalism at Pitzer. But although she loves writing, she isn't sure if it'll be her life work. A contact of mine with an MFA in creative writing assured me that the most important thing was to find a mentor and a place where one is comfortable writing. She thought my daughter could take writing workshops over the summer in writing intensive programs. I'm not really sure how all that will work out and it also remains something of a doubt in my mind. I suppose with all these doubts comes the buyer's remorse, but I really don't know if there's a viable option at this point.</p>

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<p>Mentors are SO important (much more important, in my experience as a professional writer, and with two daughters who are musicians), than the school. But one huge advantage at Scripps is its core humanities sequence, to my way of thinking the best core experience in the country, bar none (and I'm including the Ivies, and UChicago, where I once taught.) She will learn how to think in new ways, approach texts and experience.from different angles and with different strategies, which is of course what writers do. And, at a small school, the chances of finding a mentor are, in my experience, that much greater. </p>

<p>Regardless of where she goes, don't stop helping her think about what can enhance her educational experience to get her where she decides she wants to go. College admission is not the be-all-and-end-all of things, and she is lucky to have you help her think things through. ;)</p>

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<p>So, so true, Carolyn.</p>

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<p>Scripps is such a great place to go to college, she will have access to so many opportunities in a really great environment. I had the same kind of reaction when my son sent in his ED application, and was thinking of the other schools he would never know about. Meantime, he was thrilled with his ED school and still is! I think it's the hype involved with the big day in April, and having the choices. It sounds like it is a win-win situation: if she gets in, great, if not, there will be other options she will be pleased with.</p>

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<p>I'll join Mini in encouraging thoughts (especially at 2am) about the rich mentoring environment provided at a place like Scripps and that it can provide the ideal gateway to summer or graduate programs like Northwestern, Iowa, Syracuse, or Middlebury (Breadloaf Writer's Conference). At this stage in our relationship to their careers it is hard not to get way far ahead of ourselves on their career paths. Somebody inspiring (Buddha perhaps) talks about many paths to the top of the mountain.</p>

<p>Maybe we need a new phrase "Appliers' Remorse" to distinguish the suffering we (and they) can experience (vicariously as parents) over alternative opportunities that can disappear versus those related to financial aid options.</p>

<p>Your explanation to your daughter was true even if you weren't entirely self-disclosing. This process is about our Letting Go, even though it is a long way until September</p>

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<p>Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years, Third Edition (Paperback)
by Karen Levin Coburn, Madge Lawrence Treeger</p>

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<p>Here is a great opportunity to set an example for your daughter. </p>

<p>Research was done and a sound, reasonable decision was made. Now live with that decision, confident in the knowledge that:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>there is a good education to be had at Scripps;</p></li>
<li><p>your daughter's education and excellence comes from herself far more than from any school.</p></li>
</ol>

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<p>That's great advice, ADad, for many of us!</p>

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<p>Humble apologies to long-time CC Board readers who may have seen much of this already, but I'm copying below an exact post we made back in April-05 when our daughter chose to attend Scripps. Scripps is a great school in so many ways (not to mention being the "hottest" women's college in the nation, per Newsweek!; ugh).</p>

<p>Now nearing the end of her first semester there, our daughter has no regrets at all about her decision. The writing opportunities provided by the Core Humanities curriculum and the Writing 50 program have been both excellent/demanding and very nurturing/supportive. Her science program at the Claremont Joint Science Center is challenging but also very supportive.</p>

<p>Seconding a comment made above, suggest you work hard to avoid "brand-name envy". But with that said, Scripps is acquiring its own brand-name status: at the student orientation session in August the Admissions Dean reported Scripps now has the lowest acceptance rate and highest average SAT scores of any women's college in the nation.</p>

<p>Hope this info and that below proves useful. Good luck and very best wishes in your decision...</p>

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<p>Choosing Scripps over Williams, Pomona, Carleton, etc. (posted 4/10/05)</p>

<p>Our daughter is choosing to attend Scripps over acceptances to Williams, Pomona, Carleton, Grinnell, Harvey Mudd, and Univ of Arizona Honors. While this post is partly to trumpet what a great place Scripps is, more importantly its intent is to reiterate the notion that considerably more than just simple rankings needs to be part of your college selection decision. You need to find a place where the academics, social and cultural climate, supportive environment, and geography, all combine to be the best match for you. Being a slave to rankings alone may place you in a wildly uncomfortable academic, social, or geographical situation which could well be reflected in your ultimate academic performance and well-being. Certainly rankings and prestige “matter” to a degree, but within a broadly defined “top tier” of national liberal arts colleges and universities finding a good match for your own learning and social style is most critical.</p>

<p>Scripps, of course, is the women’s college component of the “Oxford-style” Claremont Consortium, in Claremont CA, 30 miles east of Los Angeles. Along with Claremont-McKenna, Harvey Mudd, Pomona, and Pitzer, they form the “finest assembly of liberal arts colleges in the nation.” Scripps itself is the most highly regarded women’s college west of Massachusetts. But because of the very close geographic and academic connection of all the Claremont colleges Scripps has all the wonderful benefits of a women’s college (most especially, a strongly supportive, nurturing community), without the negatives that some women experience in a more isolated setting. And the guys are just across the street !</p>

<p>Academically, the broad-based humanities program at Scripps rightly receives considerable acclaim, but often overlooked is the incredible Joint Science Center program of Scripps, Claremont-McKenna, and Pitzer. In addition, Scripps has a drop-dead gorgeous campus, in Spanish Mediterranean style, widely acclaimed as one of the most beautiful campuses in the nation. The Admissions and Financial Aid staffs have been wonderfully helpful and accessible. Altogether a perfect match for our daughter, and perhaps for you or yours, too.</p>

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<p>"I think we rushed into ED."</p>

<p>Its her college experience, not yours
I think you might be one of those over-obsessed parents that need to back down. Right away.</p>

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<p>Oh c'mon people, lighten up on the poor mom! Yes, she probably is over-involved, but we probably all are guilty as charged. </p>

<p>Re: Scripps. This is a great school and I suspect your daughter (of whom you must be very, very proud) will do well there. </p>

<p>The only reason that I would consider calling the admissions office again is if your d will feel (rightly or wrongly) that she was pressured by you into making the ED choice. For her own emotional health, well-being and the health of your relationship, she should own this decision as hers. </p>

<p>If your d thinks that ED was your decision, I suggest getting on the phone with your d and calling the admission's office. Tell them that you both loved the school, but your family's decision making process regarding the ED decision wasn't one that you will feel good about in the long run. Under the pressure of all this college decision making, you goofed. You and your d really hope Scripps will admit her RD. Does this sound a little flaky? Maybe, but you also sound like a mom and d honestly confronting a problem and working together to resolve it. I give anyone points for that. </p>

<p>Take care!</p>

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<p>This is why I hate ED.</p>

<p>FWIW, I think that Shojomo's daughter should stick with ED... especially as it is the mom, and not the daughter, who is now having 2nd thoughts. Scripps is an excellent college and I really don't see where a student can go wrong there.</p>

<p>But this whole emotional waffling illustrates why ED really isn't such a good idea -- I simply think that most 17 year olds are not quite ready to get locked in that early. If ED were used only by students who were absolutely sure, in a heart-set-on kind of way, of where they wanted to go ... then it makes sense. But intead it is become a strategic, chances-increasing option used by kids who think they probably, maybe would be ok with attending X college if only they could get in. Hence the doubts as senior year wears on.</p>

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<p>bingo, calmom. If more schools would move to EA or SCEA, the whole process would be a lot more appropriate.</p>

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<p>We are the poster family for how ED can not be in the best interests of the student. It may increase one's chances for admission in a strategic sort of way, but also decrease one's options, and for those who might waffle or who simply don't have enough information, being locked in hurts. However, ED worked fine for my older daughter and it relieved much of the stress about college in her senior year.</p>

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<p>Oh, and I asked my daughter if she thought the ED decision was mutual, mostly mine or mostly hers, and she said she thought it was mostly mine but that she agreed that it sounded like a good decision at the time. However, she wishes that she didn't feel the ED was necessary and that she would have preferred to keep her options open to see what else might have been possible (primarily Pomona). When I asked her if she thought it was worth taking the risk of decreasing her chances of acceptance by reverting to RD, she said she wasn't sure and wanted to know what I thought. I told her it was really her call now.</p>

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<p>Shojomo, I've heard Scripps called "the Smith of the West Coast." If that is so, your daughter has an excellent chance of having at terrific experience. Didn't even come up on our radar...FAR too close to home.</p>

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<p>Having visited both, my d. had a clear preference for Scripps over Pomona. But they are both great schools.</p>

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<p>shojomo</p>

<p>Sigh... My heart goes out to you. How I dislike the current system, with its emphasis on ED! </p>

<p>You are sitting in your house wondering if daughter should have held back from an ED application. I am sitting here doing the opposite. Son couldn't totally decide on one school (he has two favorites), although he seriously considered doing an ED application at one point. Instead he filed one EA app for a school he liked a lot plus a pile of RD apps. Our family fully supports that decision. Yet, every so often, I sneak a look at the ED stats, which look so much better than the RD ones, especially for a legacy, and wonder if he made a mistake. </p>

<p>Whatever happens, I will keep those doubts to myself. (He doesn't consult this board, and my doubts wouldn't help him in the slightest.) Yet the way this whole crazy game is set up, with so many choices, it's awfully easy to begin doubting decisions that have been made. </p>

<p>I guess what I'm trying to say is that so much doubt is built into the system that I don't think it's unusual that you or your daughter are having second thoughts. But somehow I think your original decision was based on some sound logic. There are a whole lot of reasons why Scripps sounds right for your daughter. I have a feeling, if that acceptance came in, some of the doubts you are having now just might melt away....</p>

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<p>Shojomo, I hope everything works out for the best.</p>

<p>The reason I'm replying to this post (even though I'm not a parent) is that I'm in the IB program as well and I, too, wrote an extended essay on Harry Potter this year! :) I'm glad that I wasn't the only one (not that I thought I was or anything.. with the (tens of?) thousands of IB candidates around the world). My English teacher and IB coordinator were quite reluctant to let me write it at first but I was determined to go through with it and believe it came out well. Anyways. I digress. Best of luck to your daughter.</p>

<p>By the way, my parents are very "hands-off" in their approach to my college application process. They placed it upon me to do my own research, and helped only when I asked. I think I'm pretty independent, and I really appreciated their approach.. as Asian parents go, they're rather unusual. They have not pressured me to apply or not apply to any college/university, and have even left it to me to fill out all the financial application forms. Though this might not be the right approach for all seniors, I think it's important to recognize (for all posters to this thread) that there are a variety of valid approaches regarding the degree to which a parent should be involved in the college admissions process. For me, it works that my parents are not very involved at all. They have told me they will support me financially/emotionally/etc. no matter what school I intend to matriculate to, and I feel very very lucky.</p>

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<p>ED decisions will be out in ten days. I wouldn't be surprised if a decision has already been made re your (shojomo's) daughter, and changing to RD at this time, after requesting permission to change to ED after the deadline, could be seen very negatively. If I were on an admissions committee, I'd be inclined to doubt the maturity of the applicant. This kind of back and forth could look to them like it's all about gaming, and not about the merits of the schools.
If she pulls out now and applies to Pomona, especially ED II, I think she risks not getting into either of them. I know someone who used to be an admissions officer at one of the Claremont schools. Do they share information among the consortium? Sometimes. My bet is that they keep some things close to the vest (they are competitors for students, to some degree) but I also wouldn't be surprised if they share "stories" among themselves. I think your daughter could be taking a risk of becoming one of those stories if she were to change her mind again.</p>