<p>Oh gosh, OP, I am sure none of us think the financial issues are more concerning to you than your daughter’s well-being. And I totally get how “reining in” a kid who is trying to figure stuff out on her own can backfire. You are in an exceedingly difficult situation, as you say–I cannot imagine how stressful it is.</p>
<p>We are all here to listen and support you however we can.</p>
<p>ordinarylives, I like your part-time option. DD has said that she is going to class to have something to do, otherwise she would just sit around and think about things. Maybe seeing if she can work out with something with 3 of her professors would be a good option. That at least gives us a couple of things to consider. I’m also going to call the Dean tomorrow and see if they have any suggestions. It is the most unfortunate circumstances, and I pray everyday that my DD heals from all of this. It’s just heartbreaking.</p>
<p>Good advise in prior posts. Just adding that many students dealing with various challenges (especially depression) have found that excise beneficial. Best of luck to your D. </p>
<p>^ I’ve seen that work. A student withdraws from two or three unsalvageable courses, keeps two and then with the agreement of the instructors in the remaining courses, she/he works for passing grades. Then, the student can attempt to recoup some of the lost opportunity (of the withdrawn courses) by CLEPping or taking community college courses in summer/s. That won’t work, obviously, for the rare school that doesn’t accept transferred credits. </p>
<p>By the way if, by week 4 on a pharmaceutical, there,s been no change, might be time to talk to a psychiatrist or mental health NP about a med adjustment of some kind. </p>
<p>Love all the differing viewpoints on this post to give OP and family lots of ideas to consider.</p>
<p>Just about finances, if everything else settles down after awhile- she may be able to take a class or 2 during the summers at a CC and transfer the credits back to her current university. They may have an arrangement in place already if it’s in-state, or a procedure to apply in advance of enrollment for particular CC classes to substitute for similar classes at the university.This is generally a lot cheaper than university credit hours. And they may have online classes available if that is more convenient. This works well to satisfy any gen eds or intro level classes needed.</p>
<p>Oh, I see someone else already suggested this. Sorry</p>
<p>Lots of good suggestions here. My heart goes out to you OP. </p>
<p>How about taking some classes pass/no pass?</p>
<p>Seconding the exercise idea. Yoga classes, an intramural team, walking/running, just doing something completely different may help and add the endorphin benefit and possibly introduce her to new friends.</p>
<p>I like Ordinarylives’ suggestions, which fit with my daughter’s experience. She came down with mono and strep after the first two weeks of classes her first year. She had a very intensive program, and she could fail some of her studio courses if she missed more than a single class. But she needed rest and recuperation. So what to do? She talked to her professors and her adviser and decided to drop one course each semester, which would allow her to manage the load thereafter. This required her to make up the missing courses in summer school, so that she could keep up with her class. That she did.</p>
<p>Dropping one or two semester courses is generally preferable to taking an “incomplete,” for several reasons. (1) An “incomplete” implies that the student has done enough work already so that it’s worthwhile to suspend and resume activity; but in this case the student probably has little to show, and is certainly not passing some of the courses. In my university, an instructor is not supposed to offer an incomplete when the student is doing failing work. (2) You have to pay for the incomplete, but might be able to drop a couple of courses and get your money refunded based on medical reasons. (3) The rules concerning incompletes often require that the missing work be completed by a date certain, say middle of the following semester, or else the “I” will turn into an “F”. That’s what happens at the university where I teach. (4) Perhaps most important, simplifying the program will allow the student to gain a sense of accomplishment (and get some real course credits). </p>
<p>In any case, don’t focus on the GPA. There are ways to raise a GPA (including repeating some courses if necessary). The most important thing is for this student to get on her feet and get some momentum without worrying about getting A’s in a fully loaded program.</p>
<p>My question is would getting an incomplete in her classes be a good idea? At many schools, you must complete the course work for the incomplete by the end of the next semester. This would mean that she would be doubling; doing old work and new work (for the current classes). I don’t think that she needs or may be in a position to handle that kind of stress. I am a candidate for her taking a leave of absence until she is better to attend and focus on the school work.</p>
<p>Sorry OP for your D’s current situation. I think the other posters have given good advice, and I really have not much to add. I would think a semester of Fs would be worse than taking a leave of absence in terms of how the student feels. In many college towns she could get some type of job to work towards the apartment expense, and maybe next semester she could return to class. As to the lost tuition, other posters are correct in that there are less expensive options to getting some extra credits that would transfer to the university such as community college. Of course you can’t make her do anything, but you can try to organize the options and perhaps get a meeting with you parents and the student with the college administrator who is in charge of this type of thing. Even in a big state school there should be someone to talk to.</p>
<p>Good luck to you. I hope she works toward getting better. </p>
<p>Withdrawing from school for the time being and working fulltime to pay for that apartment might be the best course of action for her. She feels like she’s in a desperate state, but I wonder if she’s using some of the stuff that’s happened as an excuse as well. Forget about school for now; she can always pick up later, but explain to her that if she doesn’t want to come back home, you folks don’t have the money to subsidize her living away from home for forever. Though the school counseling goes away if she withdraws, right? Can she do a job well right now?</p>
<p>This sounds like a difficult situation.</p>
<p>Sometimes when people are depressed, they can’t see what needs to be done.</p>
<p>It sounds like your daughter needs some time and space to grieve. She might not recognise this, but that’s what she needs.</p>
<p>Failing her classes would be terrible, and unnecessary. If at all possible, she should get a leave of absence for a semester so that she can heal. She might need to do that where she is. Maybe she can keep one class, just to stay in contact.</p>
<p>I wish you the best.</p>
<p>At most schools, incompletes are not given until the end of the semester for students who have encountered late obstacles but have otherwise been doing the work and keeping up. I don’t think an incomplete would be permitted at this stage. If things have not changed, the best thing to do is to request a retroactive withdrawal on medical/psychological grounds, take a leave of absence, come home for the semester, and start again in the spring. This is far, far better than racking up a bunch of Ds and Fs. I am very sorry about the combination of negative circumstances your D is enduring. The college semester is structured like a medium-length sprint (unlike most of life), and if there is a very bad stumble, it’s usually “race over” for the semester. That doesn’t mean, however, that your D can’t go back when she is stronger. We are one month into the sprint. If she can’t function and cope now with the demands of school, she needs to withdraw and attempt it later.</p>
<p>Brief update: I was able to get ahold of the Dean’s office today. I have a call-in appointment with the Dean on Wednesday. They referred me to a place called the Student Advocacy Center. The center told me that they will work with DD to devise a plan to stay in school, get caught up, or help her medically withdraw. I feel a little better knowing that there are options and that she can hear them from someone else. When I spoke with her tonight she indicated that she doesn’t want to drop out, so maybe the advocacy center will have the right answers.
We are still open to suggestions, and thank you all for your support and kindnesses.</p>
<p>Yay, great progress! We will keep our fingers crossed for you and your D.</p>
<p>Yes that’s very good news. And your D needs to understand that there is a world of difference between withdrawing and taking a temporary leave of absence (should it come to that) and “dropping out.” I’m glad that she’s working with support services on campus. Good luck to her.</p>
<p>OP - So pleased you were able to connect with Student Advocacy Center. We still are happy to be a listening ear, but the campus resources should have good and relevant advise. Good luck! </p>