<p>I'm a junior currently and for the past 2 weeks I've been feeling downright terrible.
One of the issues I think is ego and jealousy. Last year I spent lots of time doing ECs only to get basically nothing except for some lousy local awards. I want to get something, any kind of award that has some significance. I want to be better than other people, but everywhere I look I see people better than me at everything, even people putting in no effort. They win prizes and club positions and I don't. This year I don't have much time for extracurriculars and I sometimes I can't even finish all my schoolwork. Even in the CC forums there are students everywhere with so much more, and they complain about not being good enough.
I can't stop myself from thinking that college is a measure of self-worth. I see plenty of evidence proving elsewise but I hated the thought of one of my peers getting into a top college and me getting into an okay college. It seems to be like a badge saying that I'm inferior or stupid. Other people have a hard work ethic that I just don't have. I just don't have the commitment or dedication.
I should be grateful for what I have. I can take some APs and get As. I might be able to get into an ivy league school. But it's hard to stop the thinking of "I'm just lazy. Other people work so much harder than me." Some places it's true. I don't want to accept that other people really do work harder or just are naturally more talented. I feel like I'm worse than them, and when it comes to competitions I feel like I have no talent. Trying to do these activities would completely take away all my energy and time, I don't know if it's worth trying to feed the ego like that. I really want to change my mindset and accept myself.</p>
<p>They’re certainly better than you if you have that sort of mindset and attitude. </p>
<p>Look, people are always going to be better than others. Someone, somewhere, is better than you. And you are better than someone else. “Better” is a subjective term, of course. So try to redefine your definition of better. </p>
<p>My government teacher said this the other day, and I think this is true: “The college you go to is not going to determine your future. Go to a college where you can learn a lot, go to a college that has a good department for what you want to major in, and go to a college where you can graduate with little debt. You can work on the prestige later by going to grad school.”</p>
<p>Point taken. Everyone else seems happy, but I am obsessing over prestige or awards. I just don’t know how much I want to play the college admissions game anymore. All the time I feel the thought of “I could have done better or worked harder.”</p>
<p>When my D was about 12, she complained that a friend always got the leads in plays. The friend was super talented. I told her that she had two choices: 1) if she really wants the lead roles, be better than the other girl or 2) if it’s not worth the effort to be better, be proud of her and the fact that she’s your friend, and celebrate her talent. Simple. </p>
<p>It’s easy to say “if you really want something, work hard and be better”. But what happens when you don’t have the time or the energy left? How can I avoid thinking “If I just had put in this much more effort or worked harder, I could’ve succeeded”? </p>
<p>It sounds like you’re having some self-esteem issues. If this has been bothering you for longer than the two weeks you mentioned, you might consider getting some counseling. You could learn strategies to change the way you feel about things.</p>
<p>For a lot of things, there’s really no need to be better than anyone else; it’s just about doing well enough for your own success and happiness. You need to find satisfaction and doing well on your own (e.g., Doing better in a class, scoring higher than your previous SAT score. Beating your own previous achievements, not others’).</p>
<p>Thanks for your replies. One of my goals is to be happy with myself, no matter what other people do. I’m still trying to get over the idea of college prestige as a measure of how successful of a person I am. I’m considering taking a STEM job, even though it’s very early to think about it. It’s a paradox that I think I’m not good enough but I also expect to do better than other people.</p>
<p>Just found this Ted Talk on YouTube, thought it was appropriate for your situation @zxgzgds </p>
<p><a href=“The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph | TEDxRyersonU - YouTube”>The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph | TEDxRyersonU - YouTube;