<p>I decided to rush as a sophomore at University of Michigan because I was just too overwhelmed to do so freshman year. I just got through the mixers, which is the first part where we go to all 15 houses and talk to about 3 girls in each house. Then we rank the sororities for the first time and get asked back for "second sets." I didn't even make it to this because I only got asked backed by one sorority to even go through second sets (after this, we have third sets, then preference parties). I didn't feel like I fit in at all with the girls I met at that sorority, so I am now just dropping out. I don't understand what I did wrong. Most girls get asked back by up to 11 of the houses for second sets. I dressed nicely and was very polite to every girl I met. Freshman year, I met a popular guy in phi psi (the "top" frat at out school) who had a crush on me, and he said to definitely rush as a sophomore because he thought I would get a top house, which in his mind is Tri-Delt (I guess because he thought I was attractive). My rho omega said she couldn't tell me why the sororities decide who to invite back, but she said it could possibly be because I'm a sophomore. However, I had a friend rush with me who was a sophomore and she got asked back to 11 houses, including Tri Delt. And a lot of the girls who even rushed me told me they rushed as sophomores. My GPA was not the best freshman year, but it wasn't horrible either, and the sorority girls I talked to said they don't look at the academics that much; it's mostly about the friendships you make. There seemed to be hundred of girls rushing, so I don't know how the sororities could even know me or remember me enough to reject me at this point. I saw some girls that I knew from freshman year rushing the new potential members, so do you think if a couple girls didn't like me or something they told the rest of the sororities? What went wrong? Maybe I talked about something I shouldn't have during our conversations? I live in an apartment with 3 girls in ADpi, and I had a cousin who just graduated from here in alpha phi, but I of course didn't get asked back to those sororities either. I was so excited to rush, and now I just feel horrible about myself.</p>
<p>Think of all the negative stereotypes you’ll avoid now!</p>
<p>Wow, some things never change! I rushed at Michigan 30 years ago :o , and only got asked back to one sorority house. I mostly rushed because my mom wanted me to, but it is definitely hard on the ego – I still remember that. I did not end up going back for second round, as I decided I didn’t really want to participate in a process that seemed really superficial to me (all hair, clothes, makeup, flirtiness – my major of geology was not an asset in the process, for sure). I can only tell you that there is TONS of life at Michigan without being in a sorority! I ended up living in co-op housing after that, and that is also a great social experience. Cheaper, and a lot of (co-ed) fun, too. I am still friends with my co-op buddies all these years later. Don’t feel down on yourself, as I think you said it yourself in your post:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Their judgements are not based on whether you are a good and decent person, they are on snap/superficial judgements, so do NOT feel bad about the core of who you are based on this experience!</p>
<p>Just think of it this way… You can get real friends instead of being forced to be friends with a superficial group that you’re paying to be in.</p>
<p>I never understood the purpose of Greek life.</p>
<p>Greek brotherhood and sisterhoods form strong bonds that last a lifetime. I would try Spring Rush to see if you have better luck if that exists at Michigan.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t dismiss GPA as the reason for not getting asked back. At the university my oldest attended, GPA was definitely a factor for determining which sophomores got a return invitation. Her sorority’s cutoff was 2.9, and some of the top tier houses were even higher. I don’t know if UMich’s sororities do the same thing, but you could try calling the Panhel office and inquire if there are GPA standards for sophomore rushees. The reason the girls who were already members of the sororities didn’t think GPA mattered was because they probably rushed as freshmen, when their GPA didn’t exist yet.</p>
<p>If it’s any consolation, being in a sorority is huge commitment of time, and after a year of being initiated, my daughter deemed a lot of the demands her sorority required as being superfluous. She made many lasting friendships, but it came at the price of having to sit through many boring chapter meetings, attending time-consuming rush and initiation practices, etc. etc.</p>
<p>With the size of University of Michigan, there are many opportunities for finding good friends and social activities. Please don’t let this setback stop you from pursuing other options! :)</p>
<p>I rushed at Penn State many years ago as a sophmore and went through a similar experience. I ended up better off not being in a sorority. I made so many different types of friends at college and several different groups of friends. I might not have had the time or opportunity to make these different types of friends if my time had been devoted to a sorority.</p>
<p>My roommate 30 years ago at U of M, had been in a sorority and ended up leaving because there had been some disapproval expressed over someone she was seeing. Not what my roommate had expected. Just when young people are getting a taste of independence, the last thing some are looking for is another “parental” authority. I’m sure not all sororities are like my roommate’s, but they are not for everyone and sometimes you don’t discover that right away. There is a chance you lucked out!</p>
<p>Maybe you would prefer to join an on-campus club. I realize that is probably not what you want to hear, but you sound like you have a lot to offer. You may find that joining a group of people with a common cause yields deeper friendships. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Greeks are only a small part of the Michigan community. At some universities, Greeks make up 30%+ of the student body. At Michigan, they make up fewer than 20% of the student population. My friends who joined fraternities did not have more to do in their down time, nor did they make more friends.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t let a bunch of sorority girls let you feel bad about yourself. You must be the independent type.</p>
<p>you’re not alone! i missed the chance to rush freshman year since i was overwhelmed too and regretted it. i’m a sophomore now too and almost rushed, but i went to the mass forum thing in the union before the mass meetings and since there were so many freshmen, i was afraid i wouldn’t be considered for many sororities to begin with (a lot of them don’t take sophomores such as tri delt, kappa, a phi, achio, etc. so i’m surprised you said some sophomores were asked back by them). were there a lot of sophomores rushing? i know it’s too late and now i sort of regret backing out, but i’m now looking at the professional fraternaties/sororities or service ones that are more “open” or i feel are less judgmental. some have mass meetings this week. there are also local nonpanhel sororities (like phi rho alpha) that rush winter semester you might want to check out!
don’t feel bad about yourself, a lot of sororities don’t take sophomores and is a main reason a lot of us are at a disadvantage. i felt judged and out of my element having to compete with freshmen so i chickened out. feel free to message me since i’m in the same situation as you lol
hope this helps!!!:)</p>
Wow…I cannot believe how old this post is and the replies, yet it’s now 2016. I know someone with an ongoing, similar experience. I WISH Michigan wouldn’t hold Rush so soon after school starts when the kids are just getting used to college life, a huge campus, and all the time-management pressures of academics. It would be so much better to hold a spring rush during the end of the December/January vacation, if they would just extend the days. Having it during academic time is a crime and an injustice to all involved–even the girls and guys putting on Rush. If they MUST hold it at the start, then bring those who wish to participate in a full week early to campus and make it "
Greek Week" where that is the ONLY thing to worry about! It seems tough to do it then, to, but it would certainly be easier than balancing it with academics. That’s how my small campus did it, and it worked. Now, that campus makes kids wait until January. That way, they can see if they have a handle on academics and if they truly still think Greek Life is something of interest. Having Greek Rush at the start of classes with FIVE home football games in a row (cannot interrupt the Big House schedule and take attention away from football, understandably), makes it even tougher the first month. I was in the Greek system at my school decades ago, but, now as a parent, I see the whole system in a different light. Ladies (and guys)–after you leave college, your sorority affiliation will not define you any longer, unless you remain very active with your alumni chapter. One campus’s “top” house is another’s “bottom” of the same sorority–they are often very different from campus to campus. It just doesn’t matter, and the label only gets you attention for a small time while in undergraduate school. I agree that a school the size of Michigan affords students with many choices of things to do outside of Greek Life, that anyone who doesn’t find a house should be confident he or she will still have a full college experience.
In addition, why don’t schools offer a “Pre-Rush Primer” on how selections are made (in such a short timeframe) and how girls and guys can better deal with rejection during the process? These poor kids just got through the pains of the college app process, but this social (versus academic) rejection can almost be more disheartening since it’s mostly based on looks and personality (or material status). I know girls who were more devastated by sorority rejections than college rejections. Sorority rejection says right in their faces–“we just don’t like you …enough.” At least when kids are rejected by colleges, they will not be on those campuses. With Greek Life, the (rejectors’) Greek letters, members, and their activities will be in their faces, daily, constantly reminding they were not “worthy” (in the rejected students’ minds). Wish I could give a hug to all that get hurt in the process.
Fortunately at a school like Michigan, there is so much to do and there are so many other choices for students. I bet the OP has long since moved past this.
She’s probably graduated
“I WISH Michigan wouldn’t hold Rush so soon after school starts when the kids are just getting used to college life, a huge campus, and all the time-management pressures of academics. It would be so much better to hold a spring rush during the end of the December/January vacation, if they would just extend the days. Having it during academic time is a crime and an injustice to all involved–even the girls and guys putting on Rush. If they MUST hold it at the start, then bring those who wish to participate in a full week early to campus…”
January Rush may seem good in theory but having had a kid who went thru that I think it’s way worse. Many girls I know who go to other schools with 2nd semester rush sau the same thing. The problem with it is that it often takes groups that have been formed and tears them asunder as different girls get into different sororitoes. So they are essentially staring over 2nd semester and it stinks! I do like the idea of starting before academics overload everything. There’s no perfect solution.
Concentrate on your education. If you have time for this kinda nonsense, you’re not challenging yourself enough.
While you may think it’s “nonsense,” many, many others would disagree.
I think “greek life” is both snobbish and infantalizing. The kids act like absolute middle school asshats. My daughter was dormed with two girls who pledged several sororities. There was a constant stream of nitwits in her room at all hours. Drinking, drugs, and vomit. Lots of vomit that the sorority sisters expected their new pledges to happily clean up. Joining a sorority takes hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of tickets to events you must attend, a willingness to look the other way on reckless illegal behavior, and the willingness to snottily reject others based on someone else’s opinion of them. Granted, there are a few sororities that seem to be career cooperatives…and I can see some advantage in those. Study groups are a great idea, sharing resources and contacts…are a great idea. I really like UMich’s learning communities for this reason. But I have to say…the vast majority of the behavior my kid witnessed from sorority members? From abandoned vomit to extremely nasty notes left for her room mates…she wasn’t impressed, and thought the kids were weak people who lacked maturity and empathy. So yeah…I kinda stand by my nonsense statement. IMO, you go to college to get an education and become an adult decent human being. In my mind that means learning to stand on your own feet.
You know, I’m sure there are folks who have had positive experiences with sororities…and I acknowledge that. That said, reading the OP’s post about trying out for a dozen houses, trying her best and being flat out rejected…really doesn’t bring to mind anything but the negative stereotypes that were made all too real in my daughter’s world at UMich two years ago. At some point, kids need to grow up. I think many of these social clubs extend childhood, and childish behavior. But I concede…to each their own. If you had a positive experience, I meant no personal offense.