Feeling really "Eh" about my personal statement

College Essays
1

<p>Currently doing:</p>

<ol>
<li>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? </li>
</ol>

<p>I only have the beginning so far, but I don't think it's good at all...i'll post what I have so far here, please give feedback! Thanks</p>

<p>"I am a sponge. But please don’t be mistaken; my name is not Bob, I do not wear square pants, nor do I live in a pineapple. Although I do share similarities with my bubbly cartoon counterpart, I operate in a more similar fashion as my real life marine companions.
To survive, aquatic sponges filter and ingest food particles that are carried by the constant flow of water that passes through them. I am no different. The abundance of knowledge that exists in the world is my water. Irrelevant information like TV commercials and reality shows are filtered out, leaving me to ingest information that truly matters; information that will help me thrive. Soaking up every single bit of knowledge that crosses my path makes me feel complete. Without the continuous pursuit of knowledge, I am a flower without sunshine, a human without a soul.
Resilience is a characteristic I share with these porous creatures. "</p>

<p>I plan to talk about the obstacles in my life and how i've bounced back from them, such as dealing with abusive alcoholic father, sacrificing few years of school to support my mom</p>

2

<p>I love your first paragraph and sentence - they’re unique, attention grabbing, and brought a smile to my face. Adding in personal stories would be ideal to support the points you’ve made. This has the making of a great essay.</p>

<p>Best of luck! :)</p>

3

<p>Like previously mentioned by others, I too love your introduction (maybe because I grew up with Spongebob?).
The only thing I could say is that the mention of commercials and reality TV seems a little out of place, considering you are talking about marine life.
Other than that very minute thing, you seem to be completely on track. You are setting yourself up for a very nice essay.
Best of luck! :)</p>

4

<p>Thanks for all the positive feedback, everyone, I really appreciate it!</p>

<p>I was a bit afraid of my spongebob intro. I was hesitant because what if the admission officer reading my app doesn’t know who spongebob is?! but seriously, you really must’ve been living under a rock if you don’t know who spongebob is!</p>

<p>I’ve finished writing my response to this prompt, so if you’re interested in reading it, PM me your e-mail and i’ll email it to you…don’t feel comfortable posting all of it here.</p>