<p>you know those movies where the younger nerdy sibling grows up with their cooler older brother, but then when they're older, the brother is kind of a loser, no job, still stays at home, doesn't seem like he's up to much. yeah... i'm the nerdy sibling. i can't say my life is really going anywhere, but at least i'm in college getting a degree, which can ultimately lead to more opportunities. even if people are becoming a teacher or doing something with themselves, i feel like it's okay... they're going for something. but my older brother, who's 25, has no job, didn't graduate from college, still stays at home, is in big debt, and probably has no girlfriend, is making me feel really bad for him. he was the spoiled cool kid when we were younger, so nobody really expected anything from him. people did his chores for him... i used to feel bad about his messy room and picked things up, vacuum his room... it felt pretty good in high school when i was a freshman and he was a senior and we were in the same math class. but now, he just seems so pathetic, i can't help but feel sorry for him... and i don't like this feeling. he's old enough to know what to do and everything, but i feel like he wasn't really taught by anyone to finish something. if he doesn't like something, he just won't do it, even if it can lead to something better, like a college degree, you know? i want to help him, but i don't even know what i can do... i don't know what he wants to do with himself (we're not very close either).. i can't help but be a little embarrassed about him and avoid talking about him with friends. i don't even want to imagine how he'll be like 20 years from now. >< just had to let this out...</p>
<p>You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. Don’t waste your time trying to motivate him, if that’s what you were intending to do. He’ll either be ready someday or he won’t. Personally if I were the parent, I’d kick him out of the house…</p>
<p>he probably feels worse about it than you do.</p>
<p>I doubt it, I know the type of person the OP described. Not necessarily lazy, but unwilling to make sacrifices and do what it takes to succeed or survive at any level. People like that usually justify their inactivity to themselves and others by the fact that they “don’t enjoy” working or going to school. Your parents should force him to pay rent or kick him out.</p>
<p>I also have a cousin like this: got kicked out of high school, so now he’s in homeschooling. Every time I ask him how long he has left, he tells me “a couple of months”. I’ve been asking this question for over a year now. At least he’s now looking into other things (becoming an electrician, working at a trucking company, etc).</p>
<p>Its just like the poster above described: not exactly lazy (he will work hard when he feels that its worth it), but unwilling to do things that he doesn’t like. But, what can you do? They’re family. Right or wrong, you gotta love 'em :)</p>
<p>Collectivsynergy, how can you say that “unwilling to make sacrifices and do what it takes to succeed or survive at any level” is not lazy? That is pretty much the definition of lazy.</p>
<p>From your post, I think you’re a very perceptive and sensitive sibling, and although you do not have a close relationship with your brother, you obviously care about his welfare and want the best for him. While you cannot motivate someone else externally, I think that you should try, little by little, to form a closer bond with your brother. He probably needs a friend, and I think establishing a better relationship with a sibling gets a lot easier as you get older and understand things from each other’s perspective rather than your own. Invite him out to lunch sometime. Tell him about stuff that’s going on in your life, not necessarily to focus on his own. Get to know him, and maybe soon you’ll be in a position to give advice – and he’ll be in a position to take it.</p>
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<p>I know exactly what your talking about, only I don’t feel any sympathy for him my brother. He’s 25, no job and still lives at home. Except that he already when to college and got his bachelors, he’s just become incredibly lazy and done nothing for 2 years.</p>