All I have left before I apply is this final essay B! Im on my 3rd edit but feel it still needs some touches! Some advice would be great:) The prompt is (Essay B: Describe a circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. Did it change you? If so, how?)Thanks again to those who’ve helped so far!
Just need one last sentence to wrap this up!
Going to swim was the nadir of my junior life. While the friends I made, and tips I took, and chicken I ate helped get me through the class, they never got me through the pain. The pain of waking up at 4:30am, knowing I would fail in front of a lot of people is very taxing, but somehow I made it through. I’ve always been willing to try new things, but this one takes the cake for being the most challenging. Now I take things with a grain of salt, not because the pools were all chlorine, but because swimming was nothing I thought it would be.
Going to swim was the nadir of my junior life. While the friends I made, and tips I took, and chicken I ate helped get me through the class, they never got me through the pain. The pain of waking up at 4:30am, knowing I would fail in front of a lot of people was very taxing, but somehow I made it through. I’ve always been willing to try new things, but this one takes the cake for being the most challenging. Now I take things [What kind of things? I think the only thing you can take with a grain of salt is what people say.] with a grain of salt, not because the pools were all chlorine, but because swimming was nothing like I thought it would be.
Maybe you could end with what you’re going to do now. Will you ever go to a meet to watch your friends / teammates, or is it back to golf for you?
I’m not sure if you cover it elsewhere in you essay, but it seems very pretentious and out of place to use an uncommon word like nadir. It doesn’t fit the tone at all. I would definitely change it to a much more common word or phrase like
You use idioms which is generally good but this feels like someone addressing you by name too many times in a row. “takes the cake” “take with a grain of salt” “nothing like I thought it would be”
“While the friends I made, the tips I took, and the chicken I ate helped get me through the class,” is a better way to list. It seems like you’re trying to make a joke with the chicken but I can’t tell. Maybe it makes sense in context but if it doesn’t change it to something else.