<p>hello everyone,</p>
<p>well i finally have a good lead on a girlfriend but i have a question. </p>
<p>We've gone out on a few dinner dates and i always pay for her meal. How long I have do this for? At first she was impressed but now it seems like shes just expecting it. I'm worried that if i stop then i'd get dumped. </p>
<p>Please review my other threads to get a sense of how big of an accomplishment this is for me. I don't wanna just throw it away.</p>
<p>Since we are on the subject I have a question for engineering students who have been in a relationship during college.</p>
<p>How difficult is it? Is it worth it to get into a relationship as an engineering student? Or will it negatively effect my academics. How much extra time will I need?</p>
<p>Should I just forget about it?</p>
<p>I am inexperienced and have never had a gf so I need all the advice I can get from engineering students!</p>
<p>thnx.</p>
<p>Women do not respect men they can walk all over. If she is using you as a paycheck she will eventually leave you or cheat on you. If you stop paying for everything and she dumps you, consider yourself lucky.</p>
<p>A relationship may affect your grades negatively, if you let it. Like everything, it’s about time management. You need to set aside time for studying and doing homework. You might need to be a bit more flexible to make time for a girlfriend, but you must remain committed. A girlfriend worth keeping will understand this.</p>
<p>Also, if it negatively impacts your academics slightly, it’s worth it. There is more to learn than what is just in college courses.</p>
<p>@alchemist</p>
<p>I’ve never found it possible to have a g/f in undergrad. To put it simply, i didn’t have time to go outside to look for a girl and none of the few girls i knew wanted to date me. I’m currently in the summer between undergrad and grad school. </p>
<p>@PurdueEE</p>
<p>So i’m guessing its not common for a guy to pay for everything? What do you think I should do?</p>
<p>Do you recommend</p>
<p>1) go out with her and just say separate when the waiter asks about the bills?
2) have a talk with her and tell her i don’t feel its fair that i pay for everything?</p>
<p>3) do you have other suggestions?</p>
<p>in addition, i emailed her asking if she wants to hang out this weekend but she never responded…so they might all be in vain.</p>
<p>I am a parent with a 21 year old daughter (and a 16 yr old). She has a nice allowance at her disposable. She will generally let a guy pay once of twice in the beginning. Once the relationship becomes more solid, whether the guy has money or not, my daughter will generally offer to pay every other time (she won’t split the bill because it’s gauche). If the guy insists on paying, she’ll pay for other smaller things - like lunch, coffee or movies.</p>
<p>I don’t think you need to or should say anything to the girl. The fact she doesn’t step up to try to pay for somethings, it means 1) she is taking advantage of you, 2) she is insensitive, 3) she is stupid. With any of the 3, she is not a long term girlfriend material.</p>
<p>As a parent, I have often wondered about your question. When I was young, so long, long ago, it was expected that the guy paid for everything. But now it costs a small fortune to go out to eat and to the movies. </p>
<p>I would think that a thoughtful young woman would be well aware of how much everything costs and would not be interested in having another college student pay for everything. I think that my daughter switches off some with her bf–he pays, she pays, they split it. He is an engineer and she is double majoring in physics and Japanese, so they both need to spend some time studying. There is balance in everything. You just have to find it.</p>
<p>Cross post with Oldfort.</p>
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<p>It is incredibly common for a guy to pay for everything… for a while. After a while, though, things usually start evening out… at least if she is worth sticking with. Honestly, if you have only gone on like 2 dates or something, you will probably be paying for at least a couple more. I don’t honestly remember when things evened out between my fiancee and I, but it certainly wasn’t after just 2 dates. You guys don’t sound like you are even technically “boyfriend and girlfriend” yet (whatever that means) so yes, you will still be paying for a while.</p>
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<p>Not without talking to her first if you don’t want to look cheap. While you shouldn’t be shelling out tons of money per date, you also want to make it obvious that you consider her to be worth your time and money.</p>
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<p>It’s not fair, but that is the way it has been for hundreds of years. It is tradition. You can certainly talk with her about it, but you have to start it off differently. You don’t want to sound cheap or whiny.</p>
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<p>Tough it out for a little while. If she is clearly interested in helping out and you talk about it and she is just appalled at the idea, chances are she wasn’t worth your time anyway. Chances are, she ought to offer to pay at some point in time. It seems like most non-gold-diggers do these days, just not right off the bat usually.</p>
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<p>Telephones are a beautiful thing. Call her. Why the heck are you trying to date via email? Call her. If you call and she doesn’t answer, leave a message. If she doesn’t return the call, then you do one of two things: assume she just isn’t that interested, or try calling one more time just in case if you really are that into her. Still, you have to call. Stop this email crap.</p>
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<p>I had a girlfriend when I started college. That was a big mistake. Admittedly, the particular girl was the mistake, not the concept of having a girlfriend. After that ended, about 6 months later (September of my sophomore year) I met a new girl, and now here I am 3 1/2 later engaged to that girl. I would also point out that I kept my grades high enough to have job offers when I graduated even in the middle of the economy and also to get into several top 10 grad schools. In other words, it is absolutely possible to get through engineering while dating.</p>
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<p>This seems like some pretty solid advice.</p>
<p>“I think it is safe to assume that you two haven’t even kissed or anything yet, and I feel like you ought to have at least gotten to that point before you can realistically say you know each other well enough”</p>
<p>actually we’ve kissed and held hands, i guess i should have mentioned that in my original post. We’ve been on 5 dates. I think i know her reasonably well but i’m really experienced so i guess i can’t say…</p>
<p>Well I took that part out because it wasn’t that relevant and just sounded kind of “******-y.” My mistake.</p>
<p>Still… Call her. Did I mention that yet?</p>
<p>Why don’t you go on a couple of dates that cost very little? Go out for coffee, a walk, or some other college-sponsored activity that is free or very inexpensive. If she likes spending time with you, she will be happy to do those types of activities. If you feel as though you should pay, do things that don’t cost much.</p>
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<p>Dude…Put you big boys pants on and give the chick a call. I think sending e-mails just shows that you are not confident and that will be a big turn-off. You’ve already been on dates with her, so you shouldn’t be scared to actually converse with her in real-time.</p>
<p>OP, if you live within 10 miles of a big city ( >100k residents) take her on a day trip throughout the city and see how much she enjoys it.</p>
<p>alright, sure i’ll call her. </p>
<p>Lets say i call her and she agrees to go meet me. Then we’re still back to my original question of how long i have to keep paying for things.</p>
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</p>
<p>How many times are you going to ask this? You have a handful of answers.</p>
<p>You pay until one of two things happens: she offers, or you lose interest in her. Now, she might offer on her own or because you brought it up. It would certainly be better if she offered on her own, but just take what you can get there. Whenever you no longer think it is worth it to pay for her, that is the moment you probably ought to stop dating her. My fiancee pays for half of the stuff we do these days, but if she didn’t have the money to do it, I would certainly still think it is worth it to keep paying just to keep spending the time with her.</p>
<p>Dude, here is your free life lesson: you will be paying for things the rest of your life. The key is to find an educated, intelligent, polite lady that will help you pay for things.</p>
<p>“You pay until one of two things happens: she offers, or you lose interest in her. Now, she might offer on her own or because you brought it up. It would certainly be better if she offered on her own, but just take what you can get there. Whenever you no longer think it is worth it to pay for her, that is the moment you probably ought to stop dating her.”</p>
<p>I doubt she’ll ever offer if i don’t bring it up.</p>
<p>From a strictly economic perspective, this may well be worth it. Lets assume I pay $20 per date and we have 1-2 dates per week. This will cost around $100 per month for 5 dates. My alternative would be to join an Internet dating service at a cost of around $80 / month for no guarantees for any dates. </p>
<p>SO we have</p>
<p>alternative A: $100 / month for 5 dates
alternative B: $80 / month for 0 to n dates. </p>
<p>Note: I have joined an internet dating service in the past and I’ve after 1 month i got zero dates and left. For readers who aren’t familiar with my posts, yes, I do have a lot of trouble with girls which is why this is such a big deal for me.</p>
<p>Let me guess, you are a CS major, aren’t you? Never mind that.</p>
<p>Here’s a cheaper, more efficient alternative. Go to your school’s library and strike a conversation with a lady that fancies your eye. Libraries are one of the best places to find a suitable mate, trust me on this.</p>
<p>$80/month for a dating site? That is ridiculous. I’m pretty sure most of the pay sites are more around $15/mo. Also, there are free dating sites that you could try.</p>
<p>This is really not something you should be creating a math problem out of. If you want to be more successful in dating, you should first work on your social skills. I’m not exactly sure what the best way of doing that is, but there are probably websites you can read that tell you what kind of common social blunders you are committing. I have a strong suspicion that you come across as a creep to most women.</p>