<p>My son got into a couple of state schools as well as a few private much more expensive schools, specifically BU and NYU. We told him from the beginning that he could apply to any school he wanted but that in the end where he goes depends on how much money we get in grants. BU and NYU did offer us some in grants and we intend to go back to the Financial Aid office and see if more is possible. But if they can't offer us any more, we have told our son that we just can't afford it. (The other schools we can afford are good schools and he will get a good education at any of them.) He argues that many people find a way. We say they either have the money or go into debt. Is there something I am missing?</p>
<p>Well, people either “have the money” (in savings), “earn the money” (with a high income), “borrow the money” (more below on that), “get a big merit or outside scholarship” (which your son didn’t manage to do), or “have a rich relative” (who chips in to pay). </p>
<p>Was he offered loans from BU & NYU? What kind? What is his intended major? Some debt can be reasonable IF he is going into a field where he can pay it off and doesn’t take too much on.</p>
<p>Oh, your answer is far more common than your s wants to believe, especially since it’s the right one. There is nothing you are missing. If you haven’t got the money saved and can’t take it out of current income, your only option is debt. That’s a lousy option.</p>
<p>My friend’s kid was offered $60k/year in parent loans for NYU. They all knew the right answer was to walk away. I’m sorry your son is disappointed, but it sounds like you need to hold your ground.</p>
<p>A friend’s D racked up some college debt from her private school undergrad degee(Psyc) and then piled more on by going to NYU for a grad. degree (something theater related). Now she’s living w/ her boyfriend’s parents,working at a “for profit” college in admissions and can’t even afford to buy a used car because of her student loan payments. Don’t do it!</p>
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<p>No, you have it covered. Though intparent’s details would be nice to provide to your son.</p>
<p>I wish you much luck in speaking with FA about additional monies. I did that four years ago for my oldest son. He got into one of his dream schools, but the money was not enough. So I called FA. The lady was so nice. She pulled his file, went through everything on the phone with me, and then asked if he had any other really good offers. He did – two schools offered full tuition or more. She said that she wished she could offer the same but could not. Then, she told me to tell my son to accept the offer from the school that he would like to attend … and she’d see him in four years for law school. He does not intend on heading to law school – yet, but her advice to attend a school with a full tuition offer was something he did take. </p>
<p>While your son may be disappointed now (my son was, too), he will thank you later. Big debt is no fun for anyone.</p>
<p>There are so many articles from the WSJ or NYT on anecdotal cases of students living with college debt along with statistics on the larger picture. These may help him to be more cautious about debt.</p>
<p>This country just went through a very painful debt-fueled mortgage bubble and a lot of people were financially destroyed. Debt should be considered something fairly dangerous - sometimes useful though.</p>
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<p>Thanks for the laugh of the day! Ask him exactly how they “find a way.” </p>
<p>Stay firm, and don’t let him guilt you into paying more than you can afford.</p>
<p>I would say it depends on the GAP and the amount of the loan you will be taking. My daughter is most likely sticking with the state school. My son is at a private college that ended up to be less than the state college. I would never assume a ton of debt for undergrad. Both my kids are looking at grad programs…thats were there debt will be.
It does amaze me how many parents will be over 160,000 in debt after 4 years. All my daughters friends parents seen do be doing this and I think its insane.</p>
<p>Like FlyMe, your ds’s quote made me lol.</p>
<p>What is his skin in the game?</p>
<p>You are not missing anything. It is very hard to tell a beloved child that you can’t make some dreams come true. But buying short-term pleasure for long-term pain, either in the form of letting him take out imprudently large loans or doing so yourself, is not a loving thing to do. It’s a foolish thing. Your son is very lucky to have parents who recognize this.</p>
<p>some of those that find a way, start saving sooner, sometimes kid performs better(leading to greater scholarships) some take too many loans.
If the kid knows that so many others “find a way” then invite him to find a way.</p>
<p>Any money, time, advice, parents chip in toward a kid’s education is a gift. The time when parents had to pay for a kid ended when kid turned 18. All a part of the kid’s “freedom” at 18.</p>
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<p>The problem with using these is that you have to change the past.</p>
<p>I would like to thank the people of this thread for posting. This has been a subject that has been making life very stressful for me - as my daughter has been accepted at three different prestigious engineering schools, and I can’t afford any of them. The only way I could make it happen is to take on a huge amount of debt, and I did not think this was a good idea. Seeing all of these affirmations really helped. I will send her to a local engineering school, where she will have to live at home (and drive the new car I bought her two years ago) and I will pay the tuition every month.</p>
<p>We used to think of NYU as being for City College rejects and people from Missouri who wanted to see New York. </p>
<p>Don’t do it. He’ll thank you later. As attractive as they might be, NYU and BU have huge classes just like the state schools, and their main recruiting quality is their locations.</p>
<p>The government tells you the maximum debt a kid should be allowed to amass over four years, with a reasonable possibility of paying it back. It is the amount of subsidized Stafford loans ($23k currently, I think.) That’s the max - not a penny more.</p>
<p>Re: #15</p>
<p>You may want to stick around here and get some more tips on strategies for your other daughters to build their application lists so that they are likely to have more affordable choices come April of senior year, and not waste time or money on applications to schools that have no chance of being affordable.</p>
<p>Yes, people find “a way”. Not always a good way, however. Too many kids and parents in debt beyond what they can handle is too often “the way”. Your DD is lucky to have parents with some financial sense and when those who are “on the way” of paying school loans in 5 years, for the next 10 or more have to “pay the piper”, she will be grateful. Mine are. They and many of their friends are having a tough go now in becoming self sufficient after college. Not having a loan payment makes it much sweeter. A lot of these kids have defaulted simply because they can’t bear to face that loan payment issue that they cannot afford to make. It is tough enough without that, and if you take large loans, the interest makes the payback impossible for those not making much.</p>
<p>Eagle has caught on to my point, in my post 13. Telling the kid this, particularly the part about his doing better before, helps to demonstrate to the kid that had all parties(incl him) had been willing/able to have done better, things might be different now; but now, things are as they are, and we can’t go back in the past.</p>
<p>another thing, and as bceagle might say- it’s in the past, but here goes:
Give students a dollar figure you are willing and able to pay before they send out apps.
I get the impression students have sent apps either to their dream college without parents knowlege or, parent said little more than -" Let’s see what the package is."
Any time a student isn’t given a cap, he will likely believe there is no cap and that is being unfair to the student.</p>
<p>We [basically] told our S he could attend any place that accepted him; but that we could chip in a total of X dollars. If our money did not cover the balance then he had to find a way, or select a less expensive school.</p>