<p>So d used her school's "e-harmony"-esque system last year to find a college roommate. They've had an okay year -- no great friendship, no huge battles (mostly thermostat wars...but I gave her an Electric Snuggie [yes, they DO make them] to take back for second semester). Anyway, roomie doesn't drink or party, which is a HUUUUUUUGE plus (neither does d), but is a Skype-a-holic, and still very in touch w/her h.s. friends. Goes home most weekends, still very much into the h.s. scene. Again, that's cool. D really wasn't looking for a bestie-roommate. She chose not to room with someone in her major, and is pleased with that. So she and roomie will pass their year, and move on, neither really more than polite acquaintances.</p>
<p>D's best friends at school are guys. Yes, she has a boyfriend, and yes, he's one of the folks she enjoys hanging out with. But like her mommafrog, babyfrog prefers the "less drama" that can come from healthy friendships with guys. BF and most of the guy friends live in the same dorm as she. </p>
<p>Now it's time to find a roomie for next year. She really wanted a single, but the school has phased those out. She wants to stay in the honors dorm (likes the dorm in general)...but now is trying to figure out how to go about finding a like-minded roomie. She's not super-outgoing, and the Honors College is small, so I don't think (outside her core group of fellers) she's found any besties in the honors courses she's taking, or in her other classes. </p>
<p>She may go on the roommate search system again, but last time found that many of those who chose to do so were looking for people to party with (not her idea of a good time) or really, really religious (she's a Christian, but that is just one characteristic of her). I suggested she post something on the FB group for her dorm and see if there are like-minded people also looking for a roomie for next year. Her other choice is "potluck", where she could see who she ends up with...but that doesn't really sound appealing to her.</p>
<p>Any thoughts on how to "recruit" creatively a roommate (not necessarily a bestie, but she and the current roomie are really still very polite strangers, and their personalities are just different one from the other)?</p>
<p>I hate to sound as judgmental as this is going to sound but . . . a young woman who had lived in a dorm for months and doesn’t know a single woman she might like to room with? All she actually knows are men? That doesn’t sound healthy at all. </p>
<p>I want to be constructive here, so I suggest she enlist her male friends to think about women they know who might be in the market for a roommate like her. But I also suggest that she start talking to some of the women in her classes and her dorms, and set as a personal goal making some actual female friends.</p>
<p>I wonder if there is a list of who is in the pool for new roommates. That would help in figuring out which girls to investigate. Maybe her old roommate has heard some scuttlebut about girls who are ready to make a change.</p>
<p>People whose friends are mostly of the opposite sex often do better off-campus, where landlords often (but not always) do not require that all of the people sharing an apartment be of the same gender.</p>
<p>Are any of her friends interested in moving off-campus? Would she be interested in doing that, too?</p>
<p>Is she in any clubs or sports or activities where she could put out discreet feelers? Is she willing to find a roomie in her major this time around? Are there triple rooms where a pair of girls who are staying together this year may be interested in adding her for next year?</p>
<p>Also, if her roomie this year is gone most weekends, who is your daughter hanging out with? No-one she would room with? </p>
<p>It’s hard when you are shy. She could just be goofy and completely open about it, and make a funny poster for her door that says she is looking for a roommate, and then write stuff about herself…who knows, maybe someone else is also looking…</p>
<p>My daughter had the same issue. She had lots of girl friends, but non she wanted ton room with. She ended up rooming with a like minded upper class woman.</p>
<p>So jhs, its not unhealthy, some girls don’t want to room with party drama like girls. Innate many friends I would never travel or live with.</p>
<p>My daughter had the same issue, too. She told a number of friends who were moving off campus that she was looking for a dorm roommate and ended up back in the honors dorm with a wonderful honors roommate, a girl she just loved - the roommate was a friend of a friend, someone D had met but didn’t really know. They bonded well and are still friends. If the school is big enough, this could work. Your daughter should just put the word out to her friends that she’s looking for a roommate.</p>
<p>It is an odd situation not to have female friends given the year is half over, but she needs to “put out the word” either as blatantly as a sign on her door or word of mouth in her current dorm or yes, ask the guy friends if they know a woman looking for a roommate for next year. Moving off campus is a good idea, also, but trust me she isn’t going to like living with guys all that much better than girls…the bathroom situation is pretty ick - take it from a female that spent years living with 4 “guys.”</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s odd not to have female friends by the middle of the year. D1 has always preferred hanging out with guys because she has no stomach for the typical girl drama. She has a handful of close girl friends (some going back to age 3) but since they’re in 4 different states that doesn’t work for roomies I’m the same way so I completely understand.</p>
<p>It’s really not rare for someone not to have same sex besties at school. As an engineering major I rarely had the chance to meet other women back in the stone ages.</p>
<p>She needs to tell the RC’s or RA’s or whatever they are called in her honors dorm of her situation. Most likely there will be a handful of students in a similar situation. She must do this as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Both my kids (boys) were like this. My oldest (very shy) wanted to stay in his room - his roommate wanted to move in with friends - he ended up with a guy we liked pretty well, but not because he’d gone looking for him. Younger son I think mostly was overwhelmed by work at the point where he should have been looking for a roommate. He liked his freshman year roommate well enough, but I don’t think they had a thing in common - from music, to the hours they kept, to academic interests. He’s an easy going kid and figured he’d just live with whoever they gave him. (I think he secretly hoped he might end up with a single.) From all accounts, and my son is pretty discrete, this year’s roommate is pretty much of a dud too. He does have friends, but lots are female, and a number are older upper classmen and he’s not allowed to live off campus until he’s a junior.</p>
<p>My D got along ok with her freshman year roomie but she decided she wanted to room alone. As the only girl with 4 bros, she’d always had her own room. She applied for an RA job and is in her second year as one - she loves her job and her privacy and I love reduced costs.</p>
<p>Actually, her current rooommate sounds perfect for her situation. I would room with her again. Chances are she will end up in some kind of a lottery and not get to pick her roommate and end up with who knows what for a rommie. She has the place to herself on weekends, no real drama, etc. There is no law you have to be best friends with your roommates and since she knows what to expect already, why not.</p>
<p>Yes, but it can be an awkward situation because it usually involves sharing a bedroom.</p>
<p>Off campus, it’s less awkward because it usually means people sharing an apartment with each individual having a private bedroom (or, if there is a double bedroom, it is shared by two people of the same gender). Generally, this is not awkward at all, except perhaps in an apartment shared by one girl and one guy. In apartments with three or more people, gender is usually not an issue. I mean, who really cares about the gender of the people who share your kitchen and bathroom?</p>
<p>My kids both got matchmaking help from their RA’s in similar situations. For the oldest, it was so successful that she’s kept the same roommate from sophomore through senior years.</p>
I’m the same way so I completely understand.</p>