<p>Just curious how others have gone or are going about doing this. The visit and interview were woefully inadequate in giving us an idea of what the school was like. We scrutinized webpages, compared brochures, rated PR videos on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 1 being scary-when-does-that-kid-have-time-to-brush-his/her-teeth to 10 how-many-smiling-faces-per-minute-were-there), but even with only looking at 5 schools, honestly, they started to blur. In the end our strategy went something like this:</p>
<p>1) Dad says schools must be within 1 hour drive. So he can visit every weekend. DD and I look at each other and roll eyes.
2) DD says "Must be boarding. Oh look at this one, it's a boarding school. It's perfect!"
3) I ask each AO during interview "Does the personality of this school fit my DD?" and am reassured that yes, it's the perfect school for her because it A) offers boarding, B )has other kids who want to learn, just like DD, and C) some essentially meaningless pleasantry intended to convey that they like my kid but ain't making no promises. (I now realize, in retrospect, I probably sounded like I was fishing. But I really did just want to know, and I did try to word this so that it did not come out as "Will you be accepting my kid in March?". Because, hey, if anyone should know if my kid will do OK at that school, the interviewer should, right? They see, in some cases, dozens of kids each. I would think they are able, even in the 20-30 minutes they talk to your kid, to form some opinion of whether your kid fits in at that school. But maybe not. Or maybe they just want us to apply to keep their numbers up.)
4) And of course, last but not least: Hit panic button March 10 because it is way more expensive than you can ever afford, scramble to figure out if there is any way you can make it work, and....do it all over again next year, hoping that with more wisdom, better planning, research and strategies, and perhaps a stronger application, the outcome will be different.</p>
<p>Any other (possibly more successful) strategies out there? Please share for the benefit of all of us who are or may be going through the process this coming year!</p>
<p>Ok, so, even though I definitely am one of the many people to talk about “fit,” I think the truth is that there is probably a fairly broad range of schools at which an individual kid could thrive. There are definite differences: size, rural/not, formal/not, emphasis on athletics or arts-- but, really, probably a lot of schools would be great. So I would just say to really cast a broader net. That includes distance: first of all, you (or Dad) can visit on a weekend, even if the school is a couple hours away (or 2 ½ or whatever), and, second of all, I’m not sure any boarders want their parents to visit EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND!!! I think you are right, it is hard to judge based on interview day. I do believe you learn more from revisit days (hopefully next year you’ll get to have choices), but it is hard to tell the exact culture of a place. I do think you get a good sense of classes and ECs, and SOME sense of the students at revisits. But, really, especially if you need significant FA, I’d say to cast a broader net, and then decide fit more specifically at revisit days-- although, of course, don’t apply to any school that seems UNAPPEALING on the web or at the tour or interview. Sometimes, you do get a negative feeling-- even if you can’t tell which among the schools you DO like would be the best fit.
I might also wait with the “does this place fit my kid” question until revisit day. Even though you totally didn’t mean it that way, I think some AOs might feel like you’re being pushy, looking for a hint about admissions. Instead, ask direct questions (how are the specific ECs that interest her, how does the school work for whatever type of kid she is-- anxious, laid back, great at particular sport, artsy, math whiz, whatever-- to try to figure out fit in general. Try to get a sense of how structured the place is, how they are nurturing vs. urging independence, how they structure study hall, off campus excursions, etc., but, even with that information, still cast a wide net.</p>
<p>Additionally, I think (particularly after revisits) you will have a gut instinct. No one is ever 100% sure and happy that their decision was the perfect choice, because there’s no way to know. But you can be really pretty sure, and that feeling should come with time. Your kid might even have one that he’s not saying. But, next year, cast a wide net and wait for that gut instinct.</p>
<p>Here’s one thing to get a vibe on: What are the parents of the other revisiting students like? IMO, the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree…snooty parents generally equals snooty kids.</p>
<p>At SAS, I felt like I could hang out with the prospective parents and be myself…like there was a “judgement free” zone. The other school we visited, not so much.</p>
<p>As a boarder, I can tell you, we do not. Yes we miss you, but we have so much to do to keep us busy, we kinda forget that. Secondly, from the social situation, we do not want to be the kids whose parents drop by every weekend. Finally, there will be enough times during the year when we get to go home, but don’t count on seeing a lot of us then, either.</p>
<p>Personally, and I think I’ve seen others on this board who feel the same, I think it’s kind of like picking your wedding dress. One day you just try one on and say, “This is it! This is the one!!!” For us, it was this one particular school. No matter how great the other schools were, they all paled in comparison to the one that was a perfect fit for MoosieBoy. We would be visiting another school, and on the car ride home, we’d ask MB, “How did you like the school?” and EACH time he would say, “It was OK, I liked (insert thing he liked) about it, but I still like the other school better.” And MoosieHubs and I would be saying, “Yeah, the whole time, we were wishing we were back at the other school!” I know it’s not like this for everyone, but it was for us and it sounds like it’s been that way for many others. In fact, it was so much so for us, that we ended up deciding ONLY to apply to that one school. Now mind you, I do NOT advise doing that unless you have truly viable options (which, based on your other posts, it doesn’t sound like that would be the case). But what I’m getting at is that for most people, you’ll just “know” when a school is a good fit. BUT you won’t ever know until you apply and start the process. It’s better to apply first and then find out which ones are a good fit, rather than start eliminating schools from the get-go, because that gives you a better opportunity to find the right school after acceptance :)</p>
<p>I agree with @pdl100. There is no way that you can be 100% sure about the future fit between your child and ANY school. So the final decision should somehow be based on gut feeling. It is also learning and adjusting process for the kids once they start the school. Nothing is perfect and the kids learn to adapt themselves to the school. </p>
<p>When we thought of that last year, we came to a somewhat naive and simple conclusion: When the school accepted our child, they must have thought there would be fit. They are an expert and as long as we were truthful and honest with our application and interview, their judgement can’t go wrong that much. We ended up with the school that my child liked most and so far so good. </p>
<p>Every school has weird little idiosyncrasies, so I take a careful look to see if the level of wit/quirk/sense of humor/temperament matches my own. Here’s some stuff I always, always investigate or ask multiple people about when I’m on the job market looking at multiple schools. (Knock wood, but since historically I’ve always had multiple offers, I know that as I interview and tour the school for the day, I’m going to have to get all the details I’ll need to make a decision should a job offer result. Schools give teachers some days to decide, but we aren’t invited to revisit all our options, you lucky families! My list:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>What are the oddball student clubs? Almost every school has an Environmental Club, so I press to know what are the most off-beat clubs? If the school has a “My Fishtank” Club or a “Hand washing Club” or a “My Little Pony Friendship Association” I know the administration is not too serious to let occasional adolescent goofiness bubble up.</p></li>
<li><p>If I can get a copy of a recent yearbook, I flip through and look at what the seniors wrote. Do they sound like entitled brats? Are all their quotes from Johnny Knoxville or the Duck Dynasty? Is there an occasional shout-out to Neutral Milk Hotel or Chekhov or The Princess Bride? Are the kids who might not fit the “perfect image” of the school writing fond memories angry screeds? Give me 15 minutes alone with a yearbook (and typically they do) and I can gather more of a sense of any school.</p></li>
<li><p>I ask what the big school-spirit events/traditions are, and how students celebrate them. School Spirit is a strange concept, and some schools take it too aggressively for my taste. But I listen carefully to how these events are described and discussed. Boarding Schools have some truly odd and dumb traditions that sometimes are taken way too seriously, and sometimes are enjoyed with a bit of a wink. We all have different needs. </p></li>
<li><p>I ask what sort of celebrations/ceremonies/events recognizing academic excellence are like. Does the whole school attend? Is it a special part of the schedule or crammed into the regular course of events? Is it announced through email or administrator announcement or written in a newsletter? Schools do a GREAT job celebrating their athletes, and typically in similar ways. But how a school celebrates and recognizes its academic heroes tells me some specific things about the place.</p></li>
<li><p>What are the major performers/student life/cultural events of the school? Sometimes, everyone anxiously awaits the school musical, or the a capella groups, improv night or a visiting hypnotist or comedian. Maybe it’s not an annual event, but people are still talking about when that amazing Balinese Dance Troupe came and performed. I’m into culture stuff, so I learn a lot listening to people at a school talk about these events. (and if they can’t remember anything, I learn form that, too.)</p></li>
<li><p>Is the art on the classroom walls generic inspirational quotes, or is it interesting and beautiful? Any English teacher can slap a picture of Shakespeare up and have done with it, but are the Math rooms adorned with fractals or digits of pi? What do the science teachers put on their walls? Can you get a sense of the individuals who make their learning environments in those rooms? Do they seem like interesting people?</p></li>
<li><p>Do people get defensive, cagey, or political when I ask all these questions? An open school is a school I personally want to be at. If they are trying to feed me an impressive line, or not betray an opinion I might not like,or seem huffy or suspicious of my questions, I assume that this is the kind of treatment I’ll also get once I work there. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Anyway, that’s what I ask and look for when I’m on the job market. It’s the little shibboleths that let me know I’ve found enough kindred spirits to set up house in that school for a while.</p>
<p>That is an awesome list Albion! Are there really BS with Neutral Milk Hotel and Chekhov quotes in their yearbook? Because I’m going to be looking if we do this again next year, and if I find those I’m going to lobby heavily for that school.</p>
<p>@notniobe: I’ve got one advisee who might choose quotes like that, but that kid is admittedly an outlier.</p>
<p>I thought of another consideration about fit: what is the discipline policy for drug/alcohol violations as well as cheating/academic dishonesty? Some people like a multiple strike school, others prefer a one-strike kind of place. I always ask questions about how situations are handled to get a better sense of how the school negotiates the tricky line between allowing students to grow and learn from mistakes, and honoring the integrity of a community that says certain behaviors are absolutely forbidden. (There’s also the underlying mental health issues often connected to kids self-medicating with drugs and alcohol–does the school distinguish between health issues and rule issues?)</p>