<p>apply2school, I would highly suggest you ignore Suleyman95’s posts. They are incoherent and offer a flawed (lightly put, of course) analysis of your daughter’s essay.</p>
<p>I would give this essay a 5 or 6 out of 12. It’s definitely too short for a grade of 4/6 or higher. I definitely see that there are 2 quality examples (The Fountainhead and a personal anecdote, in the second of which the use of I is perfectly fine) and that there is a conclusion present. I would recommend that your daughter really try to elaborate on her examples (i.e. 8 to 10 sentences per example) and maybe to throw in a couple of high-level SAT words if they coincidentally fit.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>