<p>Well, what we thought might take a few months, has already happened. We were told of the Turkey Drop, but it doesn't seem to be lasting even that long (Pumpkin Drop?) S and his HS senior gf of 8 months seemed very dedicated to 'making it work' when he left only a few short weeks ago. Long story short, gf broke it off and S is heartbroken. It doesn't seem to be affecting his schoolwork at all, and he is pushing himself to do social things, but we know he is having a rough time of it. We are supportive as we can be, but of course he has to work through this himself.</p>
<p>Any similar stories of first-love breakups early on in the college career and how long it took for the kids to move on emotionally? I know he'll be just fine...but when your kid hurts you hurt, so any responses would sure help mom get through it! ;) Thanks so much.</p>
<p>Yes, I know it well. Except ours was a labor day drop! GF of 2 1/2 years who had been begging S that they could make it work, turned around and dumped him 2 weeks into their first semesters. It was a long road back for us. It took him a good 4-5 months to come to terms with it. Also did not help that she would contact him randomly giving him false hope. </p>
<p>Just be available at ANY time day or night to communicate with your S whether it be by phone, text, IM, or any other device and let him know that he can contact you whenever. I had many middle of the night conversations with S because he couldn’t sleep. This is nothing anyone can fix, it just takes time and talking it through. It is so hard to see them so sad and heartbroken, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just depends on how long the tunnel is.</p>
<p>Yep - DD’s boyfriend broke up with her about 4 weeks into her Freshman year. She was heartbroken. She is already thin and lost more weight. Two adults made comments to me about her weight when she was home and they saw her.</p>
<p>I’d say she was acting like herself again by the end of January. So - about 4 months.</p>
<p>It’s so hard for a parent. I know this is all a part of life, but wanted to shield her from pain. Put her in a safe little plastic bubble - not realistic, I know…</p>
<p>btw - she has gained the weight back and looks healthy again. (A year later.)</p>
<p>I forgot about the weight issue - my S was the same way, tall and thin. He was about 160 dripping wet. He dropped down to about 145 at the lowest and looked awful. He just couldn’t eat. I sent vitamins, Ensure, and anything else healthy that I thought he might eat. After he got through this he was able to put the weight back on and now 3 years later is a healthy 175</p>
<p>Not my kids but it sort of happened to me. I dated my 2 yrs. older college bf (who was from my hometown) during my last 18 months of h.s. Everyone thought we would get married someday (including me). I was so in love and only applied to his college when I was a sr. After only seeing him only on weekends and holidays, I thought us being at the same college was our dream come true. He broke up with me just before Fall sem. exams. I was so hurt and angry. My Mom was really mad that he did it at exam time.</p>
<p>I went home for Christmas break and licked my wounds. During the break I ran into another guy I had dated in h.s. who went to a different state u. about 2 hrs. from mine. We hung out together a lot over those few weeks and old feelings resurfaced.<br>
We continued to date after we returned to college and I fell head over heels in love again.
We’ve been married now for 28 yrs. </p>
<p>Tell your kids that it won’t hurt forever and the best thing they can do is to get back out in social situations, have some fun and don’t be scared to fall in love again.</p>
<p>Well, my daughter broke up with her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years this past Friday. They are freshmen at different schools and she was really working hard at trying to make it work, but he grew more distant and became insensitive to her. Communication was spotty, with a lot of excuses on his end. It was hard for her to take care of it, but once she did she said it felt like a relief. </p>
<p>That night she went to a dance with a guy from her dorm. He had actually agreed to take her a few weeks before because the boyfriend couldn’t visit to take her. She thought he was being nice for a “charity case”, but when he found out she was now single he was very happy. She later found out he had a big crush on her. She only likes him as a friend and is now trying to let him down easy. Then we have Saturday night. She went to a party with some girlfriends. She purposely dressed to the nines to attract a really “hot guy” to dance with. It worked, she met some boy early in the evening and danced and talked with him until she and her friends left the party. They exchanged phone numbers and he has been calling since yesterday.</p>
<p>Since she broke up with him, he has done a complete turn around and is working hard to be Mr. Right, but still doesn’t want to commit again until he has his act together at school. (Apparently, he is struggling to find a balance between classes and being a college athlete.)</p>
<p>I don’t know what will happen. I know my daughter made sure she told him about the guy she met at the party and the ex went to this guy’s Facebook page and found out he was for real and he was very attractive. He admitted he is jealous and is working double-time to right his wrongs. I worry that he is pulling her on a chain and that if another girl walks into his life anytime, he will turn on my daughter, leaving her upset again. I feel that I have a unique situation with my daughter and her ex. Neither one is ready to completely let go.</p>
<p>Your son should be happy because now he can do whatever he wants without worrying about what his girlfriend thinks since he doesn’t have one anymore.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much. The CC community is truly a great source of support!</p>
<p>kitty: I have been talking to him on the phone quite often lately (he’s been calling home) and just trying to be the best listener I can be without offering too much ‘advice’. It tugs at your heartstrings to hear them suffering, searching for answers, but also trying to be strong so as not to burden us. My son is also tall and thin which is why I’m always inquiring about what he’s eating! So glad your S is back to his healthy self!</p>
<p>eddie: I was thinking it might take a good few months. They were very passionate about each other, and I know he pictured himself with her ‘forever.’ Also so happy your D is back to a healthy weight.</p>
<p>Packmom: what a great love story. Thanks for sharing and for the words of wisdom. </p>
<p>Seems like there will be a few bumps before things settle down completely. Hope that by Christmas break we are ‘drama-free’…wishful thinking?</p>
<p>I am amazed you know so much about your kids’ romances. Mine doesn’t tell me anything! I tried to get DD to open up a little over the summer, but I got shut down immediately. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree- I never told my mom anything, either. I’ve stopped asking. It seems a little weird to me for Mom to know all these details. Also, it seems like these kids are making WAY too big a deal out of high school romances. You would think they would want to be single at this age!</p>
<p>No matter at what age, breaking up is always hard (there is a song, right?). Kids really hate it when you trivialize their feelings. Even though I know they would get over it at some point (we always do), I take them seriously when they tell me they are hurt. My girls dump on me, good and bad. I totally agree with them when they tell me their exs are jerks, and I totally agree with them when they tell me their new boyfriends are prince charming. </p>
<p>D1’s first college BF dumped her after 3 weeks on a Fri. She was on the phone with me the whole weekend. I was very grateful her best friend slept over the first night. The second BF she dumped after a year. She also talked to me at length before she did it. </p>
<p>D2 has her crushes and short term relationships (few weeks at a time), each one is still heartfelt, but recovery period is shorter. We still go through a lot of tears.</p>
<p>It’s not easy growing up with them. I have a lot of grey hair to show for it.</p>
<p>I am having the opposite issue right now. S was immature in HS, hanging with his ‘bro’s’ and playing video games. No dating girls. Though he did have an unrequited crush on one.</p>
<p>He came home last weekend for the first time since I dropped him almost two months ago. Went to a football game at the hs, and connected with the unrequited crush girl (she’s a hs senior). </p>
<p>So now he’s talking about coming home every other weekend. I am of mixed feelings. I’m glad he finally got up the nerve with a girl. Coming home wouldn’t be a totally bad thing, since he would also work some weekend hours. But I’d rather he spent more time at school.</p>
<p>A couple of years ago my D made it through the Turkey dump only to be dumped the day before Valentine’s Day. At the time she was heartbroken, but shortly afterward she realized it was the best thing for both of them. They remain friends. But by not worrying about him and what he was doing allowed her to more thoroughly enjoy everything that her school had to offer.</p>
<p>S1 dated the same girl from freshman year in HS until about 3 wks ago (they are both college sophomores) VERY intense relationship, lived together this summer while doing internships etc. He said that he felt like he had to “edit” his comments all the time (they attend different schools and have different standards of fun weekend activities - she studies and goes to art museums, he hangs with the fraternity bros) and it just got to him that it made him feel like s**t and that she deserved better. She was starting to talk about their future and kids and such (I know they are young, but they had been together for 5 1/2 years!) and he realized that he didn’t want to marry her or have children with her so when he asked me, I said that he should break it off now and let her move on and meet someone else. The long distance challenges weren’t worth it, especially if he wasn’t planning on staying with her. Who knows what Thanksgiving will bring, I expect there will be some drama and tears. I hope he sticks with his gut though. Just visited last weekend and he really seemed so much happier - I don’t think he even realized how much energy a high maintenance, long distance relationship requires. It is sad for me, she was the only girl in the house (besides me and the dog!) and I really watched her grow up - don’t know how much, if any, contact I will have with her now.</p>
<p>tx5 – I wish my D’s situation was like your D. Dating a nice guy for the past two years, he’s a soph at local state u, she’s freshman at an OOS private but only an hour from home. She’s having a so-so adjustment to college, which I think is partially cuz she spends part of almost every weekend with him, taking public transport to his school, or him driving to her school.
Like tpt’s D, she is not the communicative sort, so I’m wondering if the so-so adjustment is because of bf or if bf is just a comfortable escape from the awkwardness of a new school,etc.
Ultimately, I think they’d each be better off to go they’re separate ways and explore other relationships. Just healthier, IMO, to move on, at this age , after a couple of years. If they end up back together later, great, at least they’ve each had other experiences that hopefully would allow each of them to grow and mature and take full advantage of where they each are now.</p>
<p>I kind of wish my daughter and her b.f. of one year *would *break up. He’s a senior in h.s. back home. (The same age, but his parents didn’t enroll him in kindergarten as his b.d. was late Sept.) Anyway, in the first couple weeks of college, my daughter was attracted to a guy in her residence hall and just got caught up in the frenzy of meeting new people. Her boyfriend noticed that she wasn’t communicating with him as much. And, she admitted that she *was *doubting their relationship. She asked herself “Should I break if off and become single?”. This good looking dorm mate was equally attracted to her, so she was torn. In the end, after the novelty wore off and I think her b.f. may have given her some type of “ultimatum” (*him *or the other guy), she decided to make the relationship work. She loves her b.f. and doesn’t want to lose him. Sigh. She also told me that she got the impression that this dorm mate just wants sex. (which may well be true.) But, I told her that this isn’t always going to be the case with every guy. In other words, I hope she doesn’t think that her current b.f. is the ONLY male in the universe who will love her and treat her well. She’s young. The world is full of bright and wonderful guys. </p>
<p>So, I honestly don’t see the Turkey Drop happening here, UNLESS by some miracle she meets someone soon or just decides to be single for awhile, (which *isn’t *a bad idea.) :)</p>
<p>Not too surprisingly, sounds like many of us are dealing with the same sort of issues. It all seems to boil down to the idea that most parents, although they often love and enjoy the HS/college GF or BF, want to see their kids get the very most out of their college experience. And in OUR eyes, that means doing it without the baggage or maintenance involved with a long-distance relationship. Sounds good on paper, but reality reminds us that relationships, breakups, and the like are all a PART of the college experience. --sigh-- Much as we love our sons’ GF, we would prefer a clean break so he can focus and move along with his life. But again, the REAL picture is murky and complicated. They still communicate via texting which will most certainly drag out the inevitable. But on the other hand…she may end up my daughter-in-law one day! I guess we all just need patience and understanding as they wade through the muck. Venting and sharing also helps… Thanks for all the support!</p>
<p>In my D case she was dumped almost 4 weeks ago but it was her fault. She was at a party, there was alcohol, and her ‘friends’ started talking to her about dumping her bf and kissing a boy that had a crush on her and was part of this group. She dismissed any thought of dumping bf but when she rejected this boy he got very upset. Then they start talking to her about kissing him to ‘make him feel better’. For some inexplicable reason the idea made enough sense to her, she said she felt bad for him, and texted her bf asking for permission. Nothing happened between her and the boy, but needless to say bf was furious and hurt, and when they spoke later in the day instead of appologizing and accepting her mistake, she panicked and tried to explain what happened and why. To him it sounded like it was no big deal to her, he asks for time to think, she panics even more and pushes and gets angry so he breaks it up. They haven’t spoken since then but people around him told her to let him cool off, so she hasn’t attempted to contact him. She did write him a letter apologizing though.
My relationship with her was a little shaky before this but she turned to me imediately for help and advice, and i’ve had many late night talks/chats and have been available 24/7. I know more about what she’s doing in college now than I ever did before. But all I could say was there is nothing you can do only time will tell if he can forgive you and trust you again. He was cheated on before so this hit a nerve, and the long distance situation makes it hard because trust is so important. The expectation is that they will talk next week and I have a feeling the news will not be good for her.
My concern is that socially she was doing very well, she had this group of friends that practically did everything together. After this happened she distanced herself from them and had nobody there to talk to, and felt completely isolated and outof place. Her routine changed dramatically. On the other hand her bf is part of her group of friends from back home, and this group spent the summer together. They were his friends first before she started hanging out with them late senior year but quickly became good friends with all of them. And they are planning activities for next week regardless of what happens between them. He did leave the door open to remain as friends since they were also best friends and not only bf-gf. I really don’t know how that would work out, because they were in constant comunication from good morning to goodnight every day.
We have to see what happens but if they get back together I will keep a distance from the two of them and just be available when needed. And if they don’t I have a few days to help her get back up so she can finish the semester, I think no matter how much she is preparing for the worst, it will again feel like another breakup.</p>
<p>D just broke up with her boyfriend about a week about we visited her on Family Weekend. So she was just into her 3rd semester of college, she is a sophomore. He lives in the area, does not attend college. We know that boyfriends come & go, we have 3 daughters & a son. We thought it would happen her Freshman Year. At least now she has the freedom we really wanted her to have when she went off to college.</p>
<p>Oh dear…we went thru this when our oldest daughter was a freshman. Her high school boyfriend was with her for 2,5 yrs. We knew it was inevitable because she went to college in a big city and he stayed home and went to community college…great kid and still 4 yrs later , we still kind of miss the guy. But they grow and move on. It’s a big world with lots of people to meet and experiences to be had by our children who go away to school…
Your son will get over it…there are other girls he will meet and become close with, even if he can’t imagine it now
My daughter and her old flame are now friends again and she has had 4 others since…and I suspect more to come until she really settles down. I’d rather have it that way than think she has met the love of her life before she is really ready for all of that</p>