First shot at this, please help sharpen my topic/focus

College Essays
1

<p>So I'm thinking of writing about a recent hiking trip, that it was my first real outdoors experience - that I decided upon doing it because trying new things lets you learn more about yourself as a person. That I had no idea that the trail we were going through was the most advanced and wet weather from the past days made it even more dangerous - as it turned out, it was more of a steep mountain climb than a hike. Which led to one or two really scary one-mistake-and-you're-gone situations, and how that led me to discover "this is what I came here for" (I'm really afraid of heights, by the way). How the whole experience impacted me for the better - values of courage/overcoming fears, trying your hand at the unknown, the importance of a presence of mind. How it reflected me as a person - perseverance, selflessness and teamwork (helping my fellow hikers).</p>

<p>Just a bunch of random thoughts I've thrown together the past few days...</p>

<p>Can you guys critique? Is it cliche? Be so kind as to expand / sharpen it? Thanks!</p>

2

<p>i dont think the trip itself would necessarily be cliche, but the reflection about perseverance, selflessness, and teamwork could definitely turn that way if you’re not careful.</p>

3

<p>I’ve done some looking around and many people have suggested to “show, not tell”. Thus, should I focus more on the details of the trip and minimize the amount of explaining the significance of it?</p>

4

<p>Ok, I have the intro done…do you guys mind reading it and giving me some feedback? Thanks.</p>

5

<p>Go ahead and send it to me. I am a parent, not a student, so I can give you a different perspective. I totally agree with ccuser18, and I think you are on the right track with your comment on what to focus on.</p>

6

<p>Sent it. Thanks</p>

7

<p>I’m happy to read it (I’m a rising senior but have already written my CommonApp rough draft and hate the outdoors besides). </p>

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<p>“Show, not tell,” doesn’t mean to ignore reflection but to make that reflection visceral and immediate. Your essay shouldn’t be a collection of thoughts unweighted by anecdotes, but it also shouldn’t be a story void of personal insight. You can tell by choosing to show specific, relevant details.</p>

8

<p>Okay guys, I’ve just finished writing it. Anybody want to read?</p>