First time SAT Essay! Please give me feedback?!

Test Preparation
1

“I spent some part of every year at the farm until I was twelve or thirteen years old. The life that I led there was full of charm and so is the memory of it yet. I can call back the faint odors of wildflowers, the sheen of rain-washed foliage, the clatter of raindrops when the wind shook the trees, and the far-off hammering of woodpeckers. I can call back the prairie-and its loneliness and peace”
Adapted from Mark Twain, My Autobiography

Is it important for people to spend time outdoors and to learn to appreciate their natural environment?

In the high paced life humans live in today, it is common that the first choice for many when given time for leisure is some sort of indoor activity, such as taking a nap or catching up on a TV show. People tend to overlook the benefits of spending a bit of time outdoors and appreciating the beauty of nature. As seen through literary and contemporary examples, stepping outside into the natural environment is crucial to living a balanced and happy life.

Much like Mark Twain did, Henry David Thoreau also wrote about his experiences with nature and advocated that others follow his lead. In Walden, he tells about how he built a cabin out in the woods by himself and lived in it for two years. Thoreau chose to live a very simplistic life to get away from the materialistic frenzy that was corrupting others’ lives. He learned how to cultivate his own beans and rice, while still keeping in contact with people through markets. Within these two years, he pondered a lot about his own life and what society should strive to be like, eventually producing his renowned novel. Although the example Thoreau set was more extreme, he shows that it was possible to get away from the chaos found in the busy manufacturing life that was sweeping the nation in the mid 1800s and relax.

Following the same mindset as Thoreau, therapists and professionals in society today often suggest that a daily walk outside can relieve stress and help free the mind. A friend of mine recently had a panic attack due to the huge amount of work she had between college applications, schoolwork, and her extracurricular commitments. Her parents advised her to go outside for 20 minutes everyday as a quick break when needed to calm her mind and help regain her focus. She noted that by doing this, she had time to reflect about the good in her day and it was nice to not have to worry because she was not surrounded by stress indicators. In fact, she said she actually got more done by taking a walk in nature than if she tried to stay bottled up inside and complete her work. My friend’s success proves that taking a break and being with nature does not hinder progress; it actually aides advancement.

Because Thoreau and my friend took time to appreciate the outdoors, they were able to become much more satisfied with their lives. Fresh air is an effective way to clear the mind and should be used as a measure to find happiness.

I know I should of had a third example but I ran out of time. And I think my second one is pretty weak because I had to make it up.

Also, can I start my first example the way I did (Much like Mark Twain did)? It references the excerpt but I’m not sure if I can do this.

Thanks for your help!

2

This is at least a 5, bordering on a 6. To rise up to the 6 level you’ll need to work on sentence clarity (“as a measure to find happiness,” "high paced life"but overall you do a very good job of logically and thoroughly proving your main point. I would avoid the vague Mark Twain reference and instead begin the paragraph with “Henry Thoreau wrote…” only.
A third core example is unneeded in this instance. If your other paragraphs turn out to be sparse and you have the time, add a third body paragraph but ONLY if you know it will be strong.
Remember that there are many ways to write a 6 essay for the SAT; don’t try to fit your essay into a mold.

3

Your thesis: stepping outside into the natural environment is crucial to living a balanced and happy life
Your point about Thoreau: he shows that it was possible to get away from the chaos

Notice that these are not the same ideas. Later in the essay, you refer to a benefit Thoreau gained from his time outdoors, but that’s not enough. The Thoreau section needs to focus on that for several sentences. How did it make him happy? How did it create balance?

Likewise in the section about your friend, you refer to “taking a walk in nature” and “being with nature,” but do not yet show what that means. All I really know is that she was outside. What was the natural part? Were there trees? Wheat fields? How specifically did they help your friend to be balanced and/or happy?

4

Thank you for your responses! I wrote another one but I am less sure if I directly answered the prompt and if my thesis is correct. Can you take a look at it?

Most of us tend to find rules, limits, and restraints irritating. We want to be free of anything that limits our choices. But limitations protect us. Without limitations on our behavior, too many of us will act without regard to the consequences for ourselves, for others, and for the future. Limitations contribute to, rather than take away from, our overall happiness.

Do rules and limitations contribute to a person’s happiness?

Happiness is a feeling that differs for every person. What one person finds joy in, another might be annoyed or angry. However, it is universal that all humans search for happiness in their lives. When rules and limitations are placed, a person’s happiness is restricted. As demonstrated through literary and historical examples, rules and limitations do constitute the level of happiness by actually decreasing the amount an individual experiences.

5

… continued

In The Awakening by Kate Chopin, the protagonist struggles to find herself and her rightful place in society. Edna Pontellier is married and has kids, but she is unhappy with her life. She does not like the expectations that 19th century America placed on women because there were unwritten rules on how she should behave in order to be the pious mother and wife at the time. Her passionate feelings for Alcee Arobin and Robert Lebraun confused her and made her unhappy. Edna wanted to follow her heart’s desires, but she knew of the consequences if she did. Society would forever look down on her. Edna’s happiness continually decreases throughout the novel until she kills herself at the end. Her suicide proves that the limitations of how Edna was expected to act oppressed her and led to her demise.

When the community started to suspect that Edna was not decorous, no one really took action against her, but the opposite happened in the 1840s with the mass immigration of Irish into the United States. The native white men feared that all these new Catholics would take their jobs, so the natives put up “No Irish Need Apply” signs to discourage Irishmen. The Irish were physically limited in their search for work, which evidently impacted how they would live the rest of their lives and their happiness. In fact, a group known as the Nativists formed and passed official rules that would limit immigrants’ freedoms and make immigration harder for them to complete. Thus, the Irish’s attempts to start a new life for their families in America backfired because of the limitations native, white men set on jobs and civil liberties. The Irish were looking for happiness, but the rules and limitations proved to decrease their level of happiness.

Both Edna Pontellier and Irish immigrants in the 1840s had implicit and explicit rules and limitations working against their struggles to find happiness. These limitations lessened and took away a person’s overall happiness. No matter how one defines the concept of happiness, rules and regulations should be lifted to increase the chance that everyone will experience it.

Should I just have said that my position was that they do not contribute to happiness and take away from it, or did I explain my roundabout thesis in an adequate manner?