I am a first year student at the University of Virginia. Initially upon my acceptance and enrollment into the university and, I could not have been more excited about attending UVA. I was fairly happy during the beginning of my first semester here; I earned decent grades, made a lot of friends from different groups, and joined a couple clubs. As it got later in the semester, I started to notice that I was becoming increasingly unhappy on a daily basis. I got help from the counseling center, and tried to become more optimistic and positive about my time here, frequently reminding myself that I am privileged and lucky to have the opportunity to study at such a prestigious institution. Despite my efforts, I have become even more unhappy and unsatisfied with my experience at UVA.
To me, the environment of UVA is not appealing anymore, whatsoever. It is very competitive and uptight. There is also a large emphasis among the student body on conforming to the style and attitude of a stereotypical UVA student. As a very laid-back, easygoing person who dislikes competition, I feel very out of place among many of my peers here. I understand that UVA is a large school with an extremely diverse student body, but I have a lot of trouble getting away from the uptight, conformist attitude that the culture of UVA seems to foster. I feel bad talking about this because my entire situation (good grades, large friend group, clubs, etc.) should make me happy, but I still feel out of place and unhappy.
I am wondering if anybody who currently attends or has graduated from UVA has had a similar experience to the one I have described, and how you dealt with it? How did you surround yourself with the people/environment that made you happy?
John, I hope someone there now answers you. I’m sorry you are feeling out of place. My daughter was accepted there and I am interested in the culture there myself as she makes her college decisions. You say you have made friends, are your friends like you or more like the UVA culture you describe?
Oh, and don’t feel bad about not liking it. No matter if it is one of the best schools in the country, the question is, is it the best for YOU?
Thank you for your reply. I would say that the majority of my friends are more similar to myself, but I believe that is because I put myself in situations in which I was much more likely to find people similar to me (e.g. Hiking, student hip hop association). I do have friends who tend to be more like the UVA culture I described in my post, but definitely fewer because of the environment with which I have tried to surround myself. One thing that I will say is that I have never had a problem getting along with anybody I have met at UVA despite having very few similarities; almost everybody I have met has been friendly. I have just had a problem getting away from the stereotypical UVA environment despite my efforts to surround myself with the environment I want.
Hey John, hopefully someone else will jump in on this thread. I would say talk more to your like-minded friends about how you are feeling. They might help you see things in a different light or commiserate with you. It sounds like you are truly doing all the right things, so it still could just be an adjustment period. I would say though, it stands to reason there is some competition, as you say because it was competitive even in the admissions process. I would also say that competition is a state of mind in most cases. If you don’t feel competitive, and don’t have the pressure to keep your spot at the university(you say you get good grades), then other people being competitive will bother you less and less. Especially as your time at the university progresses.
Hang in there! I guess the silence here on the board is because all the current students are busy recouping from spring break:)
@JohnUVA My D was accepted to UVA OOS from MI. Like @blessed69 I, too, am concerned about the intense, conforming culture at UVA, although we have not attended the DOTL event (which is in the plans). So I was wondering, are you OOS or IS? To My D, any highly qualified public institution such as UVA, UofMI, UCLA, etc., will have a lot of competition and a rigorous workload but our hope is that, the social aspect will offset the intensity. Is this what you have experienced at UVA thus far?
Oh, John, I’m so sorry you are having a tough time. I hope you know that lots of students need time to transition to college and feel at home. It sounds like you have made some nice efforts to find some interesting student orgs and use CAPS to talk out some of what you are going through. Keep in mind that friend groups definitely evolved over the college years. Things can change a lot over from year to year.
One of your comments struck me.
Can you pinpoint where you are feeling this? Is this a dorm thing? The reason I ask is that first years spend a ton of time on their floor and things can really feel different when the living situation changes.
From personal experience, I can tell you that it took me more than a few months to really fall in love with life in Charlottesville. Coming from a large city, I focused a lot on differences and wasn’t as open to the spirit and strengths of the school. Give yourself time.
Hey everyone! I’m a third year at UVA, OOS. First of all, sorry you’re feeling this way John. It can take a while to find your niche…while I enjoyed all of my first year and my friends, I didn’t find my real “group” so to speak until the end of first year/second year.
UVA is competitive in the sense that everyone is smart. What makes UVA different than a lot of prestigious schools, however, is people don’t sabotage each other and are always willing to help. At a lot of schools, many classes are graded on a curve so your grade is related to how the other students in the class do. This leads to people not working on homework together, not studying together, everybody for himself mentality.
This could not be more different at UVA. Everyone helps each other complete assignments if they’re stuck on a problem, studies together, is happy to explain something you don’t get. My professor just commented on how that aspect of student life is why he likes teaching here better than at Georgetown.
Not to make generalizations, but almost everyone here is very well-rounded. They do well in school, study hard, but like to go to parties, participate in clubs, do sports, etc. I went to a competitive high school, but I don’t think the environment is much different competition wise than I experienced there.
I think there is some pressure to have all of that, which may be what John is referring to. However, most people aren’t like that because they feel they have to be, they just are. They care about school, their friends, sports, having fun, and their passions. There’s a certain UVA kind of style I think you’re also referring to, and I can see that being hard for someone who doesn’t fit that mold. It’s really not just a school, it’s a lifestyle. It’s certainly a better fit for outgoing people. But I think most people end up finding their niche, it just may take longer if you’re not the “typical UVA student” (which I admit I probably am).
@JohnUVA , I am currently a second year here at UVA and I had many of the same feelings last year but have been much happier this year so there is definitely hope. I also found it easy to get caught up in the hypercompetitive aspects of UVA, especially as a first year. I think part of this may be living in Dorms as Dean J suggested above. Being surrounded by people who partake in the competition and culture you described can make it seem much more pervasive and all encompassing than it truly is. I was lucky enough to form a very close group of friends through my hall and other connections who are more like me and not necessarily the “typical” UVA student (although I dislike the use of typical as I have found UVA to be extremely diverse). As a second year it is much easier to escape that culture and surround yourself with those who are more similar to you. Living and hanging out with friends who are more laid back and easy going has almost completely removed the extreme competition found in some parts of UVA from my life. While it is still frustrating and I think detrimental to have such competition in so many areas (For example, I think the fact that being a tour guide is ultra selective and not open to any student who wants to share their love of our school ends up with the tour guides being a one dimensional group of the stereotypical UVA students you described.), it is easy to ignore and escape as a second year. Overall my best advice is to form close bonds with those you enjoy being around and try to not let it all get to you because it truly does get better.
Keep looking for a club, organization, place of worship, or academic organization that will provide you with a sense of community. There are a million opportunities out there, but you need to search for the ones that are right for you.
I lived in Brown College all 4 years and the atmosphere there is definitely not the same as the general UVA competitive preppy ness that you describe. You could look into if you fit in there. I also agree that moving off grounds might help you alleviate some of what you are feeling. First year dorms, don’t miss having lived in them… Good luck and reply back with any other thoughts you want to share.
Hi, Quintpgroup, just wondering… have your D decided yet, as an OOS admitted student?
@JohnUVA Your experience sounds a lot like what my daughter recently went through at UVA. She just never felt comfortable there and, unlike you, she never found any friends. Now that she had graduated she has found friends at work and loves Charlottesville. If I were you I would just try to focus on the fact that while there many be a significant portion of the student body that has some attributes that you might not like, that there are plenty of others who do not, and who are more like you. Keep focusing on your group of like-minded friends, and make new ones as well whenever it is possible. More importantly focus on the positive things around you (like the quality of education, your friends, etc) and try not to dwell on the negative things that you feel about the situation.
Good luck!