Fitting In and Making Friends?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I feel a little weird for asking this, but please bear with me on this one. </p>

<p>I'm currently a senior in high school and I'm starting to receive college acceptances. It looks like I'm going to have several options, but I'm agonizing over the decision of where to attend. I'm a pretty shy person, and I sometimes feel like I don't fit in. I love band, history, church, hiking, small children, and the elderly. I'm short, not athletic or into sports, and average looking. I absolutely love people and being around them, but I feel like I'm inadequate and don't fit in, to the point where I'm afraid to introduce myself or jump into a conversation because I don't feel like I'm as good as they are. I've switched schools twice in my life. The first time I didn't really participate in any activities or clubs at my new school and I had no friends for the first year and hated going to school every morning. The second time I switched I joined the school marching band and it was such a tight group of people that I made friends, and virtually all of my current friends are in marching band. I'm worried that my social experience in college will be much like the first, rather than the second. </p>

<p>So here's my dilemma. There is one school I'm looking at, and it looks almost perfect! I've toured the campus and dorms, and it's beautiful. I've been accepted and my parents told me I could go. It looks perfect! The only problem is that I'm afraid I won't fit in. I joined the school's facebook page, and I'm really intimidated by everyone. Everyone looks so beautiful and they talk about how outgoing and athletic they are, and I feel so intimidated. They all seem really nice, don't get me wrong, but I'm worried that when I get there, I won't be as outgoing or interesting or beautiful as these other people. I'm worried that I won't find any really close friends because everyone will have all these fabulous people to choose from, and I just don't compare. I know facebook isn’t always an accurate representation of people, but I’m still nervous. This school doesn’t have a marching band, and although I plan on joining other groups and clubs, I don’t know if they’ll compare or help me make friends. </p>

<p>On the other hand, I have another school that I've been accepted to that I like, but it’s not as perfect. It's far from home and the weather isn't nice. It's a religiously affiliated all-girls school. For some reason, I feel like I might fit in here better. I'm very involved and interested in my church and this school seems to have that. On the school's social network people are admitting to being shy or not interested in partying, and I feel like I would fit in here. I feel like these girls are more like me and that I would have a better chance of making friends, and that people would be more accepting of my shyness and imperfect awkwardness. </p>

<p>Am I over thinking this? The first school is perfect in all other regards, while the second is a thousand miles away and would make it difficult to visit my family and twin sister. I don't expect to get along with everyone at my school, but I'm afraid that I won't exactly fit in with anybody at the first because I'm not the type of person that normally attends. I'm attending an overnight at the first school and will hopefully visit the second soon, so I have a while before I make any decisions. Any thoughts? I'm sorry that this was so long and a little silly. I'm a worrywart.</p>

2

<p>I know you shouldn’t judge a person by their facebook profile, but I’m trying to get some clue of what college will be like. My biggest fear is everything turning out like the first time I switched schools. I’m so afraid that I’ll get there and feel isolated and lonely. It’s a scary thought, because I know that no mater how much I hate it, my parents won’t let me come home, and I’ll be stuck somewhere that makes me miserable. All I really want are a few good friends. I know I sound desperate and clingy, but I’m not. I think I’m a really good friend. I’m just shy and nervous. </p>

3

<p>I guess I can relate a bit to you. I used to be exactly like you a few years ago!</p>

<p>The fact that you joined the marching band and found a group of close friends really answers all your questions. I’m not in college yet so I’m really in the same boat as you, but from what i have heard and read, you ought to join clubs etc that you are interested in and more often than not you form close friendships naturally over time with people who have similar interests!
Moreover every school has all kinds of people in it its just a matter of finding your place where ever you go!</p>

4

<p>I really don’t think you should limit yourself based on how attractive or outgoing you think your peers will be.
You should choose the college that you will prosper in, but always remember that it’s about your future. Prospering isn’t necessarily about how many social connections you have. Which of these two colleges will give you a better education? Will one of them force you to move an uncomfortable distance from your family and thus alienate you from those connections?
Whatever college you choose, make sure you get involved with things you’re interested in and you WILL find people that are like you.
Honestly, I feel exactly the way that you feel. I’m applying to a bunch of colleges that seem to host some of the most beautiful people in California. I don’t feel like I’m unattractive, but I do consider myself to be a total nerd. That being said, nothing is going to stop me from getting an education that I’ll be proud of years from now. </p>

5

<p>It may be more easy to make friends if people are more outgoing, especially when one is shy and less likely to initiate contact. Maybe you aren’t that way; this is from my personal experience.
Also, I’d think that of the group attending a school, it’s the more outgoing types that would be active on that school’s fb page, so you’re judging a school based on what I assume to be a smaller group. I suppose you’ll figure out if that’s true or not at the overnight thing.</p>

<p>The above isn’t to say that you shouldn’t necessarily attend the second school.</p>

6

<p>Is the “perfect” school perfect to you because it exemplifies the ideal picture of college/college life? Don’t let a prettier brochure sway your gut feelings about where you belong.</p>

<p>Rather than focusing on Facebook pages, think about the things that will matter to you in your daily life on campus. Consider possible majors, and review the curricula and classes you will need to take. Which school is more attractive in this respect? </p>

<p>Also, take a look at what is available in the way of campus life. What clubs and church groups are available to you? Are there any interesting living/learning communities on campus? This is where you will most likely make your friends.You don’t make friends with phony Facebook personas, you make friends with real live people that you meet doing activities you enjoy. So, does either school have a marching band? Or a church group that you would be comfortable joining? Some clubs that do things you enjoy, or are interested in learning? My niece had never fenced in her life, but had always been intrigued–her campus fencing club held some clinics for people who had never fenced before, she went, she loved it–and met a whole bunch of people who became her best friends.</p>