fixing my social reputation

College Life
1

<p>I'm worried that my reputation among my friends is that I get too drunk, come on too strong to girls, and am kind of awkward. They don't invite me out a lot, and the only parties I really go to are frat parties where all the brothers are invited anyway. I feel hurt, because I do my dαmned hardest to be a friend to everybody, say hi to everybody, attempt to strike up convo with everybody, do my best in school and the activities I do, and I see no reason why people should not like me. I sometimes worry people say things about me behind my back, and hurt me with more people. I'll admit it times I've gotten too drunk, and creeped on girls while intoxicated, tho I don't really creep anymore, which was a result of me simply not knowing what I'm doing. We all know guys try to make friends with those who are good with girls. I've also mentioned here I am a 5'2'' male, which I feel hurts people's chances of liking me because of this. </p>

<p>I mean I do have some friends who legitimately like me, but in my main social circle, my fraternity, I feel unliked, but if I leave it then it will open the flood gates for people to be more outright negative towards me, and I cannot have that. Its a small school of 6000 undergraduates I go to. Also, the people outside my frat who do like me might see me as less if I leave the frat. I don't think I've done anything to do 100% irreparable harm, but I cannot go on having few people to invite me out and wingman for me. </p>

<p>I could also transfer colleges, but I'd be a junior in a new setting in the fall, and I really don't wanna have to get to know people all over again. </p>

<p>Let me give you one scenario: Last night, I went to a frat party, and got a ride home after it, me and 3 other guys got a ride back to a dorm. A kid who I try hard to be friendly too was tellin the other guys about a party he was going to, but he wouldn't tell me. Then I asked him in front of the other guys where the party was, his friends bs'ed me, were like "its in 480...or something," and I could tell they were lying. Then I leave, he's walking in front of me, looking back, and when he gets out the door, he runs away. This is a guy I say hi to all the time, try to strike up convo whenever I can, and ask if he wants to hang out a lot.</p>

<p>I know its rejection, but I do not see why I should ever be rejected by people who are supposed to be my brothers. </p>

<p>I feel this is indicative of my reputation. How can I fix it? How can I make people want to hang out with ME, instead of always the other way around?</p>

2

<p>I can’t decide if this is a ■■■■■ thread or not…
But on the off chance that it’s legit, I’d say:</p>

<p>A) Stop creeping on girls either drunk or sober</p>

<p>B) Stop trying to please people (i.e. frat brothers); if you aren’t feeling the “brotherly bond”, then leave the frat; I’d think your frat brothers who did like you would respect you for doing your own thing instead of resenting you.</p>

<p>C) If you’re still getting a good education and the social situation isn’t extremely unbearable, then stay there; you only have two more years; surprisingly, there is life after college.</p>

<p>D) You can’t make people like you. You should like you as you are, consider whatever things about yourself that you need to work on and want to work on, and change it internally.</p>

3

<p>I think the problem is simply that you’re trying to impress everyone and make them happy. Some people will like you, some will dislike you. If you feel someone dislikes you, or could never be a true friend, stop being so nice to them.</p>

4

<p>You posted this same ****ing thing like a month ago. Stop being a 'tard and taking up forum space with your regurgitated garbage.</p>

5

<p>I feel ya, OP. I don’t know how to help, but I really hope you feel better socially.</p>

6

<p>OP, cheer up! Don’t try too hard; be pleasant and be yourself. To fix your reputation, I have no idea. You can just leave your fraternity group and befriend people you found welcoming and nice. I did that several months ago (although, my problem is that we have different interests. We parted nicely and still maintain good relationships), and I’m very happy now. Again, instead of going to parties, you can join several clubs and go to concerts.
my suggestions are very simple, but hope this can be useful. :D</p>

7

<p>Well you sound like a real idiot when your drinking, so I would stop drinking for now and see if you even like the people your spending you time with. </p>

<p>The other step I would recommend you take as soon as you can is to make sincere, one-on-one apologizes to the people YOU were a jerk to. Don’t make it a pity party by explaining yourself (unless the person asks for more details). Hopefully it will start to repair some wounds and it’s amazing how powerful a sincere apology can be for both the person asking for and receiving it. Another theme directly relating to the apology if asking for forgiveness, this is very tricky because so many people think of it as a social courtesy or demand and it can quickly backfire if it’s taken for anything other than a request that may take some time to be granted.</p>

<p>You may want to practice (roll play) with people who like you and can give you feedback until you understand the dynamics of the process. </p>

<p>Good Luck… </p>

<p>Here is a “How to Give a Meaningful Apology” link to at least one guide from “Psychology Today”</p>

<p>[The</a> Power of Apology | Psychology Today](<a href=“The Power of Apology | Psychology Today”>The Power of Apology | Psychology Today)</p>

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<p>Call them out.</p>

<p>Tell them you were an ******* and an idiot before, and you recognize yourself as one. Ask them to give yourself another chance and to accept you one more time.</p>

<p>I’ve seen this crap happen before. One person continues to try and get closer while the group pushes them away. If you don’t “face your problem” as clique as it sounds, it won’t resolve itself. </p>

<p>And when they do give you that chance, make sure you show it to them. Drink much less, don’t act like a ■■■■■■ with girls. The guys will recognize your change, the girls will to.</p>

9

<p>I’m also wondering: if there are girls who have heard or may have heard I’m a “creeper,” but I haven’t really done anything creepy but have just been called one, how long does it take to live something like this down? Because I’m seriously contemplating transferring if I have to spend all day worrying what others think of me. Or if girls laugh at me behind my back, I don’t wanna have to deal with that. I know for a lot of the year, I tried too hard with people in general, and I feel that has earned my name quite a bit of badwill.</p>

10

<p>Stop worrying. Just be yourself.</p>

11

<p>It doesn’t sound like you’re resented. To me it sounds like you get a piddling amount of respect from your peers because of your appearance. However, you exacerbate this by being needy and trying to be friends with people who don’t want to be friends with you, who have circle jerks with one another over the pleasure of rejecting you. Rejecting you is their way of bonding.</p>

<p>Saying they resent you is almost giving yourself too much credit. For them to resent you, you’d have to be a threat to them. If you’re a weakling with no friends, they can just simply reject you, no need to resent you.</p>

<p>They also don’t want to be seen going to a party with you because you are a chick repellent. This isn’t me picking on you, these are all things that you’ve already said. Also, are you asian?</p>

12

<p>how can I reverse this idea? Like there are some girls who hold positive opinions of me, but some who don’t. And same with guys: many guys hold good opinion of me, tho many don’t. How can I fix it with the ones who don’t? I mean one of my friends recently told me my biggest social problem is I try too hard with people in general, and I have to be “hard to get” in a sense with everyone. But what can I do to make the girls who may think I’m a creeper stop thinking that?</p>

13

<p>You need money or you need to kick someone’s ass.</p>

14

<p>I really need help! I wanna have friends and be loved by girls or I don’t wanna be alive anymore, at least at this school. How can I fix my reputation?</p>

15

<p>Make some friends outside your frat so you can go out with them sometimes, instead of always being the tag-along that your brothers feel compelled to hang out with on the basis you’re in the same fraternity. Your new friends can introduce you to girls too. Try joining an intramural sport next semester and see how that goes.

Yeah, that’s how life works. 100% of people will never like you; focus on the ones that do. All the women you meet aren’t going to magically “love” you; a handful will and you should focus on them.</p>

<p>Be friendly and outgoing but don’t come across as “trying too hard”. I’m getting the impression that you often tag along without being invited and become a dbag when drunk.</p>

16

<p>

stop acting creepy. Just treat those girls like you would treat your guy friends. Don’t make it obvious that you think of them in a romantic way or anything. </p>

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</p>

<p>Maybe you need to get some counseling. Seems like you have self-esteem issues/depression. Or I’m starting to think that you’re a ■■■■■. Just chill out. Life is too short.</p>