Im a senior in HS and have been living with my before since my junior year due to family problems. Him and I are way past the puppy stage in dating and are way more mature than the usual HS relationship. My BF plays baseball and has a lot going for him. We both are very unsure of what we want to do in the future(major/job wise). My plan from the start has been community college to take the smarter money rout, because I’m still unsure of what I want to do. If my boyfriend gets into university for baseball I want to attend whatever community college is near there. I this will be a opportunity to test waters to seeing how to juggle a relationship and school and then possible transfering to a university after the two years of CC.
I am suspecting this is a joke post, but I wish I had a dime for every student who says that they (as a couple) are far more mature than usual. What’s your question, anyway? You realize that OOS tuition at a community college will still be expensive?
Your life will change in a major way when you to to CC or to university. The vast majority of relationships do not survive the first semester.
Thus, do not follow your boyfriend unless you are going somewhere where you would be happy even if the relationship were to break up one week after the semester starts.
And who would pay rent? utilities? food?
You shouldn’t be living with your BF while still in high school.
For some people it’s either live with someone else’s family or be homeless. I don’t think we have enough info to judge that bit.
Many who respond to you here are adults.
We have heard the “but way more mature than the usual HS relationship.”
And that could be true.
But to us, it seems that you have family problems, so you have latched on to him to find a new family.
Definitely understandable.
To you, it is better than your family.
But is this the idea situation…for you or your BF?
If you went to college…who would pay?
Can your parents pay?
Can you be defined as independent of your parents?
I agree with others…try to find a college that you would be happy with if your BF is there or not.
If he is playing baseball, he will be going to classes and practicing/workingout/playing. Will he have much time for you?
Chiming in to add the heard the we are more mature than the average hs’er” line many times. If your boyfriend will be on a traveling sports team, and has lots of practices, you may see him even less than you see him now. If he’s living in the dorms that would not be an option for you, and to live off campus may not be allowed for a sports team member. I would encourage you to look into your own resources and see if the relationship survives. As others have said make sure it is financially viable.
Your grammatical errors do not speak to greater maturity. You are more experienced than most your age in the realm of dating by having a long term boyfriend but that does not mean you are more mature.
A better idea than following your boyfriend is to choose the school that best meets your needs while he also does that for his needs. Being separated will give you both time to grow (and mature) independent of one another. If you both still want to be together after this separation it may be that your relationship should continue past HS. However, it is likely that both of you will change (both for the good) in different ways once you no longer have the proximity and convenience of being together you now have. I have to wonder if your relationship is a substitute for a good family life and you depend on him for more emotional support that you would if things were good at your parents’ home.
You do not know how mature you really are compared to your HS peers. You may actually be crippled by your situation while others are growing in other ways. Expand your horizons after HS.
No.
My high school boyfriend lived with us when we were in high school for a time because his (abusive) father kicked him out. To this day, many years later, I still think we were a more mature couple than most. We went through a lot of crap in our five years of dating that many people will never go through in their entire lives.
We still broke up my sophomore year of college- and it was definitely for the best for both of us.
Look, 2-4 years of college fly by. If you guys are really as mature and stable as you think, the distance for a short period of time will be nothing.
And, FWIW, in my relationship it wasn’t the distance that did us in. We did fine with the distance. It was the fact that we were much different people in our early 20s than we were in our mid teens. That’s life.
And OTOH, I attended a wedding this summer for some friends who have been together since high school. They got married after 10 years together- and 4 of those years were long distance because of school and jobs.
Hmm, I’m going to take a little more of a middle ground here, and I’m normally one of the ones who is a firm ‘no.’ But to me the answer really hinges on this: Have you been living with your boyfriend since junior year, or have you been living with your boyfriend’s family?
It’s unclear to me from the post whether you two are two financially independent students (in reality, not by FAFSA) who are maintaining a household yourselves out of necessity or whether you’ve moved in with your boyfriend’s parents because you have problems at home.
If this is the first situation - you both are working and paying for your own living expenses together - then I don’t see an issue with you moving to wherever he goes to college and trying to attend community college there, once you establish residency (or before if you have enough money). You don’t have a whole lot to lose there; you’re already living independently and established a household together. And quite frankly, moving away with your boyfriend isn’t the end of the world even if you break up…you can always just move out later.
However, I will say consider your options - you might be eligible for scholarship support or financial aid, especially depending on the nature of those family problems. And don’t sell yourself short: you may be able to get into whatever four-year university he does (or a different one).
If this is more of a case of you living with your boyfriend’s parents/family while you finish your last year of school…those circumstances are different, and you shouldn’t necessarily move with him. Then I agree with the above advice you’ve been given.
I dont believe in HS relationships and that pretty much sums that up.
Thanks for the…insight…?
One of my friends moved in with her BF’s family the day she turned 18. She still had almost all of senior year left, and he was a student at the local 4 year college. His sister was our age, and friend and sister worked at the same restaurant. Her father was an ass, her mother had died, and this situation was a lot more stable for her.
She and BF have been married for more than 40 years, have children and grandchildren. She did have to grow up fast when her mother died, work to pay her own way, make adult decisions about her living situation and her future. It didn’t mean she was more mature in the BF/GF relationship and she didn’t get married right away.
If you are asking can it work, yes it can work but it isn’t as easy as just going to college near where he is. He’s going to be very busy if he plays baseball. Usually teams travel or host another team every weekend. During the season he’ll have very little time for a social life.
Where will you live if you don’t follow him to college? If you live with him now then I’m guessing staying with your parents is not an option. Can you afford to live on your own? Are you following him because you feel you have no other options
Many years ago I did the same thing. He went to a school 8 hours away, I accepted a place at a school in the same state. It was absolutely the wrong decision. I never fit in at that school, I saw him all of 3 times freshman year,
You’re not me, your boyfriend is not my ex-boyfriend, you may be different. But honestly, first figure out what the best decision for you would be if he didn’t exist at all, then ask yourself how interesting you’ll be to him if you don’t grow and mature and he does.
Some people have criticized you for saying that your relationship is more mature than most.
I don’t think that’s the issue, actually.
The issue is that people your age – both the relatively mature ones and the relatively immature ones – are likely to change a lot in the next few years. So a couple that seemed well suited for each other at 18 might find that they are no longer so compatible at 22. It’s not a matter of maturity. It’s just that this is a time in life when a lot of change happens.
On the other hand, they might find that despite all the change that occurs during those years, they are still just as well suited at 22 as they were at 18.
The problem is that you can’t know in advance which way things are going to go for you and your boyfriend.
If you can find a way to be near your boyfriend and go to a college that’s well suited for you, I don’t see a problem with it. But don’t do what @ninakatarina did. Don’t go to a college that’s wrong for you just because your boyfriend is nearby.
OP hasn’t logged on since she posted this.