<p>Jmmom, I think your letter was written very carefully and could obviously help others. The fact that the GC saw it as a slam against her is unfortunate, but it seems clear to me that you didn't mean it that way at ALL. I guess she missed the very effusive thank you at the start!</p>
<p>And, actually, I've found that there is plenty of merit money out there for kids in the top 25% and even 50% of the class if you know where and how to look for it. :)</p>
<p>Speaking as someone whose son is similar to yours, who is going to the same school and who has received the same scholarship BUT who received NO help whatsoever from the Guidance dept at his high school, I think you did a beautiful job!</p>
<p>Our family had to do all the research ourselves--ALL of it. The only scholarships our son received any info on were a handful of tiny local things that got sent to everyone. So my note, had I written one, would have been MUCH stronger than yours! (Perhaps that's why I stay silent.)</p>
<p>Anyway, all you can do is send a one-liner saying you're sorry the note had the effect it had but that you meant well. Unless this GC is a total moron, you shouuld receive an apology for the overreaction somewhere down the line.</p>
<p>At least I hope so.</p>
<p>driver and others-I do think that was part of it (the cc's), altho actually I was thinking the principal should see the praise more than that he would care about the suggestion. But I think you're right. And one thing I can do, beyond what I have, is emphasize that I wasn't trying to go over her head. Thank you for that suggestion, as I am looking to repair the relationship. And not be afriad to walk into the office!</p>
<p>yes, berurah and others - my quick apology was in just that vein, that I had no idea of the unintended effect I might have had.</p>
<p>Oh - and I have no other children in the school :)</p>
<p>Another parent echoing all above - your note was very thoughtful and respectful. Your GC's reaction is out of line. You have nothing to make amends for, but the GC does.</p>
<p>NSM,
I would only alter that "maybe" getting dumped on comment to "probably" or even "surely." Those school GC's have incredible pressure by many parents, esp., & some administrators, to "place" students in desired schools. She shouldn't have relaxed her professional demeanor, but I'll bet that's what's going on. It's also why I wouldn't want such a high-profile position, because there's no guarantee of admission, even with the best candidate & the GC's best homework.</p>
<p>Jmmom, sometimes we try to do the right thing, and it blows up. I actually go against the grain here, and side with Driver. In retrospect, it might have been best to send an edited version of the letter to the principal (particularly), and the Head GC, and then discuss the merit aid issue in the letter with your child's GC or, better yet, face to face. If your offers of newsletters/flyers, had lead to the Head GC asking for a meeting, I would have discussed the merit aid issue at the meeting.</p>
<p>I feel for you, as well as the GC, because I know you were trying to do a good thing! Hope you can smooth things over, and get good info out to next year's seniors!</p>
<p>GIven that you're looking for a suggestion on how to make a GC feel better about your (I thought terrific) letter, I do have an idea--even tho I agree w/all other posters that you have done nothing to feel bad about!</p>
<p>How about a follow-up e-mail telling her that your intention had been to let her management know how very much you appreciated all the help you & your S had received, and that if anything you said had anything other than a positive impact, you'd be happy to write another note to management clarifying that you were unqualifiedly impressed with, happy about, and grateful to the GC (and the GC department) for the wonderful help you'd been given. That you'd love to make your very positive feelings for the GC known to her managers/bosses (whatever you want to call them), but that you won't send any more notes to them w/out her approval.</p>
<p>Maybe that will make her feel better?</p>
<p>Just ignore any possibility that she may have seen "criticism" in your note. Let her bring it up if she wants to (could be good for "airing out" and solving any residual negative feelings, if she does so)...</p>
<p>Just an idea...hope it helps...</p>
<p>And thank you again everyone.</p>
<p>doddsdad- my "fear of walking in" is partly awkwardness and partly just what you said - she'll think I'm further going over her head. </p>
<p>overanxious - another good idea.</p>
<p>There is a week between now and the meeting date, so I will find a way to contact her again with that reassurance, and overanxious' suggestion, and any other ideas I have or receive.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Our family had to do all the research ourselves--ALL of it. The only scholarships our son received any info on were a handful of tiny local things that got sent to everyone.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>ctymomteacher~</p>
<p>OMG, does you S go to my son's high school??? I think we have the same GC! <em>lol</em></p>
<p>~b.</p>
<p>My reaction: tell the GC to get over herself. If this is the worst "criticism" she's gotten from a parent, she's very fortunate. Or very young.</p>
<p>
[quote]
tell the GC to get over herself.
[/quote]
That won't have the OP's desired effect, I'm guessing :)</p>
<p>I think by writing the letter you acted in a very generous manner - hoping to help other families achieve their goals. I think the GC is just immature, or lacks appropriate social skills in a professional setting. I find some teachers (and GCs) don't know how to interact well with other adults, perhaps because they spend so much time with kids and in a superior position. Do you know what I mean?</p>
<p>Jmmom--</p>
<p>This seems an unfortunate example of no good deed going unpunished, and I'm so sorry that you were upset. I believe the GC is completely out of line. Your original email was full of praise, and what she construed as criticism seems to me an entirely constructive suggestion for which you have volunteeered to do all the legwork. The fact that the head of guidance--who is probably more responsible for the handouts than the individual GC--promptly recognized the value of your suggestion underscores how terrific it really was. And frankly, the fact that so many parents are left unaware of the possibility of merit aid suggests to me that someone ought to tell more GC's how to do their jobs. I doubt that many people could do so with nearly your mix of tact and knowledge.</p>
<p>You have absolutely no amends to make. When/if you see the GC, I'd be perfectly friendly and noncommittal as if nothing had happened between you. If there's anyone here who should feel embarrassed, it isn't you.</p>
<p>This is awkward for you now, jmmom, but you may have started a ball rolling that will help other families for years to come. You did a good thing! Unfortunately, the GC took your comments as criticism of the way they have done things. This doesn't surprise me in the least.</p>
<p>Through the years with both public and private schools I can honesty say that there has been NO instance in which suggestions for improvement have ever been taken well- unless the person you're speaking to had nothing to do with the current situation. If the subject is important, I do it anyway- but try to speak to someone who won't take offense. I think in your case I might have spoken directly to the principal, if that is possible. I would have praised the GC and the department in general, and then slipped in the part about merit opportunities, and praised them again. I also would have done it in person, because it's so much easier to convey a lighthearted tone in person, and you can gauge your comments by the reaction of the other.
It's too bad that one has to tiptoe to avoid bruising egos, but I think that is more the rule than the exception.
Can you have a different GC for your next kid?</p>
<p>OMG, OP wrote the very letter I have been thinking about writing since last year -- except for the effusive praise, but I would have found something to compliment. What has stopped me is my fear that the college counselors at the school would take it as OP's did. How unfair that is to the students. I and others put a great deal of effort into the college search and learned much that we would love to share. We have been able to do so through a PTA-sponsored information session which reaches too few parents, but the official counseling still focuses on the UC's and CSU's and community college, leaving a huge number of students who might qualify for admission and possibly merit aid at many fine schools attending community college or a public college or university not as well suited for them. My children go to a very large public high school that spans the entire socio-economic and multi-cultural spectrum. CC poster The Dad's daughter graduated from this school (your cover is blown, our children were in Orchestra together). I never heard of merit aid. When my son's first acceptance came in with a $26,000 merit award, I almost fell over. The next two had $40,000 awards. I kept wondering when "lazy white boy" became a URM. I investigated the subject and learned much about how and why schools use merit aid realized how many students at my children's school would benefit from it, as well as how many fine schools there are across the country that these kids weren't hearing about. These kids aren't hearing enough about financial aid, either. Any effort on the part of parents to help share what they have learned should be embraced. The principal should have a broader view of the benefits of spreading the wealth of knowledge and be less defensive about whether the counselor is doing enough so it was right to copy the principal on the email. Something to apologize for? Definitely not!</p>
<p>jmmom - To add to the chorus, you absolutely "did the right thing" with your note to the GC and copying the principal and GC head! You took a measured risk in sending the e-mail on merit aid in order to help future students and parents. Bravo! You tempered that risk with carefully worded, no-blaming advice and starting the e-mail with praise to the GC. As others have said, it is the GC that is thin-skinned and "out of line" - not you! </p>
<p>Having an upcoming meeting with the GC head to explore your merit aid ideas further is wonderful. You deserve a pat on the back! Pat..Pat...</p>
<p>Your email was perfect.</p>
<p>Schools seem to operate from a defensive point of view and it is only the few, the mature, the amazing ones who are able to take constructive criticism in the spirit intended.</p>
<p>What you said was helpful, you had plenty of complimentary, fluffy language that should have diffused any defensiveness, but alas, she still took offense. Amazing when you consider that your suggestions could help her do a much better job for people, thereby garnering more praise from parents in the future.</p>
<p>Sometimes it is simply timing. I have made constructive comments in the past and been shut down only to have them acted on later, after people thought about it and got used to the idea......and could take credit for it themselves. </p>
<p>I was in a meeting at school once where an administrator took credit for 2 communication ideas- both of which I had suggested directly to him, more than once. He looked me right in the eye whilst explaining the great new thing he was doing. ;)</p>
<p>Whatever, I don't need credit, I am just glad they made the improvements, but I giggled inside at the fragile egos of these people who as supposed to advise our kids! :p</p>
<p>Be happy knowing that future parents will benefit from your sharing adn try not to worry about the GC too much.</p>
<p>berurah--and look at how well you did!</p>
<p>somemom--isn't it amazing how many people miss out on the joy of sharing credit with others? It really IS fun to see how tickled they sometimes get!</p>
<p>jmmom: I could write a long post but don't have the time, so forgive me if I don't go on at length.</p>
<p>Your idea is really great and will be helpful to many parents (and to the GC department) in the future.</p>
<p>At the same time, it's always a tricky thing when an outsider brings in an idea for improvement, without having been asked, especially in what is supposed to be the other's professional field. Doddsdad, somemom and others made excellent and appropriate comments about copying the principal, being careful not to bypass the GC's office, etc. One thing that you did, unintentionally, is to possibly complicatde the GC's life by suggesting one more thing to do in a busy schedule. Another may have been to deprive her of the opportunity to suggest your idea and take credit for it (OK, that's uncharitable of me, but it could have been the case) - or even to suggest it and give you some of the credit.</p>
<p>Not much that you can do about the reaction except to smooth it over if you need to. But you definitely did the right thing in bringin it up.</p>