I have one simple question. This isn’t meant to be an attack, but rather, a legitimate question. I never even thought about this before getting on the College Confidential forum, but I’m seeing the same situation come up more and more frequently.
Why are you telling your children where they are going to go rather than letting them choose based upon their personal preference?
My parents have definitely done this, but after pointing it out, have become completely supportive of my decisions.
Good to hear your own parents are supportive.
MOST parents – a vast majority – let their children choose their school. Those actively involved in the decision do it for many different reasons: financial, cultural and practical. A few feel, I’m older than you and more experienced in life AND I’m paying the bills. So I get to decide. But that’s a small minority of parents – both on CC, and in reality.
If you mean letting them choose based on how much aid they received and how much I am willing to pay, then yes, I am guilty of telling my child where he could go. We limited his options from the very beginning by being poor and setting appropriate budgets. Getting into a school is not the same thing as affording it.
Where are you getting the idea that parents are dictating where their kids are going for reasons beyond financial? Cite the posts, please.
We made sure that they applied to all schools we were comfortable with them attending and let our children make their final choice. However, IMO it is very reasonable for parents chime in when there are financial differences between schools that will impact the family.
IME most responsible parents work with their student to develop a list that balances the family finances, the student’s stats and qualifications, and the student’s desires. I do know some parents who have deliberately stayed out of this, but it isn’t common. When the acceptances and the financial awards come in, most parents again work with their student to help balance the finances and the student’s desires at that point. (Often they have evolved.) I really don’t think I have seen any parents simply picking a school. Most people want their student to make the choice between the feasible options.
I think the most common problem is parents failing to put their student in the picture re finances, then pulling the rug out from under them after the awards and acceptances are in. That often feels to the students as if the parents are telling them where they have to go, but if they had known the budget in advance they would realize that it would take $X in merit or FA to make it happen.
We considered many schools, more than 20. But, we as parents looked at safety, culture, size of intro course, quality of faculty for underclassmen classes, cleanliness. Why? Because we are know more than she does about the weight of such things. While I certainly think that she should have a lot of say in which school to go to, I think it is more than reasonable to believe that we should have input when we are paying tens of thousands of dollars in tuition; I would perhaps feel differently if the bulk of tuition was paid through grants and scholarships.
I completely understand the financial aid situation, as many parents don’t want their children to graduate with debt. One specific situation that I have seen though was a parent who decided that their child would not attend any “liberal school.” Liberal being politically.
Why are you asking this question? How does it affect you? What do you hope to learn?
@PilotKhyle Well, I must admit that trying to find a non-liberal school is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. But maybe that is what those parents feel is best for their kid.
Edit: Sorry for being rude. @Consolation
@albert69, you have started plenty of threads and offered your opinions in plenty of others where people could easily have said “What business is it of YOURS?” Perhaps you should take into consideration the fact that you have not yet even entered college and develop a little humility.
It’s not a bad point. I don’t really think that it’s a good idea to try to control your kid’s political or religious beliefs in perpetuity by requiring them to go to certain colleges, but some families do choose to do that and there’s really not that much you can do except shrug and wish them well.
To me it’s the same kind of thinking as the parents who try to dictate their kid’s major in hopes of guaranteeing that they will be financially successful. It probably doesn’t really work more often than random chance but if it makes them feel better who am I to judge?
@Madison85 I’m trying to put myself into my parents’ shoes. To me, as a Junior in High School, I feel as if I have requested and gained a ton of independence from my parents. One area where this has occurred has been in the college selection process. I FELT as if my parents were intruding, as I would be the one taking the courses, and I would be the one living on campus for four years. But now I’m wondering if maybe they know something that I don’t…
Keep in mind that I’m requesting input from other parents in addition to my own for two reasons:
At the end, I felt my son had two really good choices. One was a little less expensive, but not by much. He went to attended days weekend at one, and then spent 1 1/2 day at the other. At the latter, he did not spend an over night, but attended classes. I think random factors, e.g. People at admissions, influenced him. To this day, neither he nor I would say which school would have been a better fit for him. It is what it is.
It was his choice, between these two.
Ok, I see, if they are paying for zero then why should they tell you where to go?
You can’t go very far if all you have is $5500 from a loan and your savings, if any.
What was your PSAT score?
If your parents have clearly stated that they are out financially on your education, then their ability to influence your choice should also wane.
Why are you assuming that parents posting on here are telling their kids where to go? I’ve not seen that at all.
This is the bigger issue. How will you attend where you want to go if your parents pay 0 (unless you want to attend a CC)?
You’d think so, but they can still twist your arm by not providing information for FAFSA and CSS Profile, which makes paying for college very challenging for most students.
I think this is probably the most painful decision. If the parents object to the school on other grounds, the student at least has the opportunity to try and convince them that it’s their best opportunity. If the school is simply unaffordable, they’re just stuck especially if this information comes in April 30th.
"now I’m wondering if maybe they know something that I don’t…“My parents have stated that they will pay for $0 of my education.”
Yeah, what they probably know is that college costs a LOT of money and they cant afford $25,000- $60,000 / year.
YOU need to know that as an UG student, you cant take out enough $$ loans to pay for it either.
Did you take the PSAT? Does your score qualify you for NMSF status in your state? Are your grades really good? If yes to all 3 questions, there are a lot of U’s that pay top students to go to school. See below for a partial list.
http://nmfscholarships.yolasite.com/
If they are not willing to take out loans for you, whcih it sounds like they wont, then If you’re a top student you’ll need to either find the schools that offer big merit scholarships, or offer lots of grants instead of loans even if if your EFC is actually zero, or go the Jr college route.
You will need to get their financial info- what they filed with the IRS- and ask them to fill out a Fafsa and Profile questionnaires , and then use that info to run the number in various College FA calculators, so YOU have an idea of what colleges financial aid offices will expect you to pay.
There is no better time than NOW to sit down with them and have the “Money talk”.
It may not be fun but will spare you a lot of grief later on.
There are a lot of kids like mine who showed very little interest in college choice. They said they wanted to go, but didn’t take many steps toward arranging visits, scheduling tests, talking about finances. I was the one saying “let’s go to the college fair”, “let’s schedule visitations on the way to the tournament”. Once we got started, they were more willing to talk about it, but both of them found a school immediately they were happy with and were done looking, done applying. I told them both that I was fine with ‘one and done’ but that if anything went wrong, they’d be taking a gap year, that I wasn’t going to be scrambling to get things submitted for late applications. It all worked out. The schools they ended up at were definitely ones I steered them to, but my kids aren’t that picky.
There are a lot of colleges I didn’t want my kids to go to, so I just never brought them up. If there was one either wanted to go to, she didn’t mention it. Worked for us. If I hadn’t ‘intruded’ I’m pretty sure both of them would still be sitting on my couch thinking about college rather than completing their first year.