For real though, an actual person trying to get into colleges- all my essays included

<p>Ok y'all so I would like to know my shot at Columbia, Nyu-gallatin, Tufts, and UNC Chapel Hill</p>

<p>I go to Boston Latin School, the oldest and one of the hardest schools in the country. </p>

<p>Junior year gpa - 3.18 unweighted - 3.58 weighted (1 AP, 2 honors, 3 reg.)
senior year - 3.58 unweighted - 4.28 weighted (4 AP's, 2 regular)</p>

<p>overall gpa - 3.3 ish? I know its not too hot</p>

<p>SAT 670 on both math and verbal (1340 overall)
writing - 790 = slammin
U.S. History - 690 and 5 on AP exam
Math IC - 640 (I was sick)</p>

<p>E.C.
Boys and Girls Club Swim team captain 2 years, but on it for 3 years
School Swimming 3 vastiy leters
Amnesty International 2 years
KEystone volunteering 4 years, president
Football band 3 years
school newspaper contributing writer
Haravrd School of Public health task force 3 years</p>

<p>Jobs up the wahoo
Boys and Girls club Art room 6 months, education room 15 months, and computer room 5 months</p>

<p>Banging recomendations</p>

<p>Intended major - Human rights, Journalism</p>

<p>My common app essay is as follows:</p>

<p>I’m gay in both happy and heterosexually challenged context. It feels unusual and wonderful to write it because I’ve never acknowledged it before. Being part of the last bastion of widely and openly discriminated group of people hasn’t been a cup of tea; however, I wouldn’t want to be heterosexual. I wouldn’t understand my enemy: oppression.</p>

<p>“The way to rid Africa of AIDS is to let them kill themselves,” my father says as the presidential debate skims over the topic. My father comes from a racist 1960’s South Boston and Marine Training that taught him to kill the “Gooks” in Vietnam. His mouth espouses ignorance. </p>

<p>If I weren’t gay, I wouldn’t be naturally inclined to believe my father to be irrational. Label me a communist or an idealist, but I still believe in that elusive ideal “equality”. I want it more than anything else, but I know there are greater inequalities in the world that warrant a more urgent response.<br>
Being gay for me is not a choice, but being born in a poor country with no family planning institutions or contraceptive information is also not a choice. Being gay involves oppression and prejudice, but when human trafficking or genocide is occurring, gay rights seem trivial to me.</p>

<p>Last year, I realized I would never be happy if events like the genocide in Sudan transpire. Becoming a human rights activist is ironic insofar as my grandmother lived in Germany during the Holocaust and was, technically, a Nazi. She couldn’t have known what was going on in her very small town, but nonetheless has become part of the German public that did nothing to stop genocide. In a way, I feel obligated to atone for that.</p>

<p>I attended a discussion on race relations in Boston last year. It was filled with both pretentious Harvard professors and homeless people stealing refreshments, but only one Jamaican man was worth hearing. His discourse began with the words “I’m an optimist”, and his is the only speech I can recall. He spoke directly to me (as I was the only attendee not receiving social security) and said I would change the world. I know I’d like to.</p>

<p>I hope to abolish race (lofty, I know). Race is a means to no end where people are placed in uncomfortable boxes and stacked one on top of the other. My Lilliputian brother thinks that all black people should die. My 27-year-old single mother/ aspiring DJ sister likes “black” music, but not “black” people. My 2 older brothers don’t even have opinions, though I’m sure if they exist they are akin to those of my father. Color me black and call me a sheep, but don’t call me a color or believe I’m anything less (though maybe a little more) than human. Throw semantics to the Yahoos; race does not exist.</p>

<p>(Or, if you prefer obscure and non-cohesive endings, “Go on! Get out! Final words are for fools who haven’t already said enough.”)
- Dying words of Karl Marx</p>

<p>For Tufts, my supplemetnal essay is as follows:</p>

<p>Dorchester is stigmatized as the most dangerous place in Massachusetts. Savin Hill, where I live, is labeled “stab-n-kill”. In one way or another, these reputations stem from the truth; however, I could be an awful person if it weren’t for Dorchester. Some of the worst things about Dorchester have brought about the best things in me.</p>

<p>I have 2 best friends and they are both within 5 minutes walking distance of my house. They have both been robbed. If my father weren’t so crazy about locking our doors, I’m sure we might have been too. We actually call our house “Fort Knox” – it takes 3 doors to get in. Living in an environment where we need to have 3 doors really makes me desire a world where all the doors are open.</p>

<p>People in Dorchester are robbed for a reason. Other residents of Dorchester are poor and their only seemingly available option is to steal. These people aren’t innately bad. They didn’t choose to be poor. These inequalities are so glaring to me that I can’t ignore them. </p>

<p>One of my best friends, Alex, lives on Jones Hill. When we walk up it late at night and pass by the playground, we often see cocaine transactions or used needles on the ground. Dorchester has a major drug problem. My own sister, Marta, was involved in drugs for a time. As it turns out, Marta had a baby by a fellow drug user who has since left. </p>

<p>Allie, her baby, is now 2. I realize everyone thinks his or her baby is the cutest, but Allie is truly a marvel. She has flaming red hair and bright blue eyes. I have basically become her father. I often have to watch her for hours on end while Marta leaves without notice. It’s not something I mind. She never cries, she hugs and kisses me, and she mostly just watches the world around her. My parents tell me that I was the same. Allie reminds me of how beautiful the world can be.</p>

<p>I’ve been lucky enough to go to extremely diverse schools. Being “white” often meant being the minority. It’s an interesting position to be in, but not one I felt threatened by in the least. At the Boys and Girls Club, “whites” are, again, the minority. As a result, most, if not all, of my friends growing up were African American, Vietnamese, or Caribbean. I had much more in common with these supposed “races”, yet was different because of the melanin traces in my skin.</p>

<p>My fathers’ racist beliefs are utterly different from my own observations. I am forced to use my own logic as opposed to absorbing my fathers’ views like a sponge. If I lived in a suburb with all “white” people, I would probably believe my father, but living in Dorchester makes being racist absurd, given that living here helped me realize race doesn’t even exist. </p>

<p>For columbia I added a little bit from my tufts supplemental into my common app. And I said I want to go to columbia because they offer human rights and are close in location to the U.N. Human rights watch, amnesty International, etc.</p>

<p>For NYU sunday afternoon, I wrote:</p>

<p>My room has 3 leaks in the ceiling and nor heat. When combined with 2 snow storms, I became very sick on Friday. As I had a swim meet to attend, I decided recovery would have to wait. The, When approached about performing for BLS Idol as a special guest that night, I couldn't refuse; I'm known for outlandish antics (all in good taste) that could boost attendance where half of the proceeds would benefit tsunami relief. Although I was ill, I performed my impecable Louis Armstrong impersonation and, the highlight of the night, a dance to Jamiroquais "canned Heat". The entire school heard by Monday, so when the event was produced onto video, everyone bought it and we were able to raise over 1,500 dollars for relief funds. Sunday was spent sick and sore, but for a worthy cause.</p>

<p>ANd then I just talked about all the classes that I would take there and whatnot</p>

<p>So what y'all be thinking bout me?</p>

<p>let's be serious, someone respond</p>

<p>please, someone respond</p>

<p>WELL, you are all over the place, but in a good way, you make the world more interesting thats for sure....thank you for being you...don't ever lose that</p>

<p>hey bounce:</p>

<p>here's a response :)</p>

<p>you already know this, but I think that your GPA might put you in the uncertain zone for Columbia. Tufts, NYU and UNC seem like good matches (IMHO, I don't know that much about those schools besides their relative prestige).</p>

<p>You seem to have a very interesting background, and hopefully for you, the adcom will pick up on that. Good luck!</p>

<p>I assumed they were all reaches. Im basically hoping that my essays will help me out a lot. any opinions on them?</p>

<p>I wish you had posted before you applied instead of after. It really isn't the time to critique your essays because there's nothing that you can do about them now. All you can do is cross your fingers and wait for admission decisions.</p>

<p>hm. gay...sorry to say but some adcoms find it abnormal...</p>

<p>I admire the sentiment behind your essays: you come across (particularly in the common app one) as someone who is idealistic and cares strongly about the world, someone who will necessarily contribute to humanity in whatever way possible. Good qualities to have, and adcoms may reward you for them.
On the other hand, they are not in themselves brilliantly written. They're strong and sincere, but maybe a little unpolished. You leap from topic to topic without giving the reader any sense of structure, and sometimes your writing style is a little prosaic and unimaginative, perhaps even a little trite. It doesn't leap off the page.
Still, you manage to come across as a great and interesting person almost in spite of yourself. So I'd say the essays will serve you well.
(Sorry if this was harsher than you wanted. You did ask, though.)</p>

<p>On another note, I certainly hope that, in this day and age, callthecops is dead wrong.</p>

<p>i think your commen app essay is REALLY REALLy good in the sense that it shows a lot bout u and who u r . It could have been better organized though but maybe this way it comes across as more natural. I think itll go really well with the adcoms . also I think you should have applied to u of chicago ... they would have liked ur essay also. and all ur other essays are really great wow i really love them.. honeslt they r so good good job!! ( now u wish i was an adcom eh?) just out of curiosity did u make some of this stuff up of is it al true.. about the needls and drug transactions and stuff?</p>

<p>hahaha, no all that stuff is completely true. I was going to apply to u chic, but I've only heard negative things about the school. Thank you guys so much for the feedback!</p>

<p>Your essays are on the controversial side, there's no question about that.</p>

<p>you have a decent chance to get into all of those schools. I say this because I attend latin academy in boston. i have many friends that go to latin. latin sends kids to Harvard with 3.3 GPA's and 1450 SAT scores. Your GPA is fairly high for latin school and the top schools in the country know the rigors of latin so your GPA will carry more weight</p>

<p>i got a sense you were genuine in your common app essay. i think that was a great essay. good job. i hope u get in wherever you applied</p>