For someone with a kind of serious social problem... :/

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of California - Los Angeles
1

<p>Hey guys - I am stuck between UCLA and Davis. My friends want me to go to LA, but I have some questions, and if you could spare the time to comment on a rather personal problem, I would appreciate it more than I can say!! I am a biology major going into pharmacy. Regents at both schools. I love both campuses, though I prefer a large to small campus, and walking to biking (haha). </p>

<p>I am going to spill to you who I am, so pretend you're a psychologist.
At the moment, I am not a very outgoing/social person. I have a few friends, and in general, people only know OF me, so with my classmates, I am not very popular at all. I did not participate in any clubs throughout high school, play sports (except for JV track), or volunteer for the sake of volunteering (typical hospital, library, etc.). Only this year I discovered my passion for music, and have been self-teaching piano for about half a year. Makings friends is effortful, as are keeping them. But all this, I have every desire to change. I want to do so many things--get involved in clubs and organizations, interact with my professors and peers, and everything. I want to become someone I am very happy with. Basically, I know what I want, but I must take the steps to get there. </p>

<p>UCLA is a very social school in a fast-paced city; would I be able to fit in and eventually make my way through the students? Have any LA students personally witnessed essentially introverts become extroverts, or are none of the students socially awkward? You see, most people who would label themselves as introverts at least indulge in their own interests, whereas I have a limited personality and limited interests.</p>

<p>In terms of academics, I am not Ivy League material. I can get the grades I need for my classes, but this is high school. The competition at UCLA is immense, but that's not to say there won't be any at Davis. UCLA has the largest pre-med population, so there are bound to be crazy pre-medical students.</p>

<p>Long story short: could I make it at UCLA, provided I make the effort, even given my story? How do I go about expanding myself? (I need the reassurance and encouragement more so than an answer I probably already know)</p>

2

<p>Well, I can’t speak for those of UCLA, seeing as I’ve never been to the school before, but I am pretty sure at such a large and diverse school as UCLA, you are bound to find someone with the same personality as you (who knows, your soulmate may be there =D). To be honest, I have the same problem with socializing. It’s not that I can’t make friends, it’s just that I can’t keep friends. I tend to keep things to myself and never make the effort to get to know my friends on a deeper level. I also refuse to leave my house and socialize. I’m the type that would rather stay home and read or hang out with my family. </p>

<p>Hey, thinking about it, you’re a bit like me (from what I can decipher through your words). If anything, I’ll be the first to offer my friendship if you do decide to go to UCLA. But be warned, I tend to be really crazy and loud when I want to be. =D</p>

<p>Oh, right. So, to answer your question in a more straight-forward manner, YES, you most definitely can make it at UCLA, and elsewhere for that matter, as long as you make an effort. And to expand yourself, you might want to look in at the clubs, sororities, and other activities that UCLA has to offer. The more you put yourself out there, the more confident you will become. Thus, the happier you will be about yourself.</p>

<p>That’s just my two cents.</p>

3

<p>I think you would be fine at UCLA. Unlike the popular belief, there is student like you who is not good at making friend (or willing to spend the effort). And I am one of those, so maybe we can get along well. Beside, you said that your friends want you to attend UCLA so I assume that your friends are there as well. </p>

<p>As for the class, I can not speak for premed classes, but I think you could at least get B if you spend enough effort.</p>

4

<p>No worries :slight_smile:
Most people at ucla are very friendly and open. I made most of my friends during zero week and after that, most friends are friends of my friends or classmates :slight_smile:
It may take a while to find your group… I found mine instantly while my other friend found it by the end of zero week… It may vary so just keep trying… or just go with the flow… be open.
Wanting to do many things is good… right mindset for ucla… if you join a lot of clubs, for sure you will meet people… I’m only active in like one club and I already met a lot of people within it.
It may be hard to change from intro to extro… but as long as you try… A lot of people here are very extrovert, so they are willing to talk to you :slight_smile:
Academics is okay… just study and find a group of friends to study with… </p>

<p>All in all, just be yourself… I don’t think you should become a whole different person, but you should still open up yourself a bit. my first year at ucla is almost ending and so far it’s been great :slight_smile:
Best of luck and hope you pick to come here!</p>

<p>o yeah, to your question at the end:
yes, anyyone can make it at ucla… it’s all up to the person though :)</p>

5

<p>You’ll do fine either place. But you will have to make the effort, it’s not going to fall into your lap, and it won’t happen if you sit in your room all day and all night and make no effort to get out. Just getting out helps, even if you say nothing, or can’t find the right words when someone tries to engage you in conversation. Find it within yourself to smile, and that will start to open many doors. You have to open yourself up, and not be afraid to make a complete arse of yourself. It’s okay to be embarrassed and it’s okay to make mistakes. Once you feel good about yourself, and mostly be able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously, social skills will expand.</p>

<p>You are your worst critic and your worst enemy.</p>

<p>Take it from me. I was a huge introvert, until I stopped worrying about what everyone thought of me. I used to cringe at going to parties, worrying about small talk and how I looked, what people might be thinking of me. I figured it out – know one was spending any time thinking about me. Except me. I started the social process by just asking question, playing detective, being interested in other people. I learned that to establish a relationship with anyone, the one thing people like most to talk about is — themselves!!! Big shock, right? So instead of trying to figure out how you explain yourself, find something about the person you want to engage where you can either: (1) ask them a question about, or (2) say something nice or find some mutual connection.</p>

<p>For example: Let’s say you like playing WOW and someone is wearing a WOW t-shirt. What do you say? </p>

<p>Finally, and this may seem totally lame, but it really is helpful – I think all the UCs, but I know for sure UCLA does have psychological services, which also includes social skills and therapy groups. Shocking, huh?! Not really. You have to realize, especially from these responses, that the majority of the students are just like you!</p>

6

<p>i’m going through the same thing as well, so you are not alone :)</p>

<p>i’m definitely on the lower end of the social pyramid at school so this has been a concern of mine for a while. i the kind of person who stays at home on the weekends and keeps to myself at school, and i really don’t have any specific activities and interests. i have a handful of close friends but that’s it. i visited UCLA this weekend and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it despite the size! i made some friends, although it wasn’t easy (years of doubting oneself ready made me socially insecure). i think just being there really helped me see that there are people just like me, with the same interests and worries, and that it really is possible to be involved and social. i don’t think becoming an introvert to extrovert would be an easy transition but i guarantee you will make some friends. i’ll be your friend if you ever need it!</p>

7

<p>Thank you so much everyone for your responses; I honestly can’t thank everyone enough for not even knowing me :3 It is great to know that some of the students at UCLA are so kind and helpful : D</p>

<p>uclastudent - I do hope that maybe we could get along well, and I can meet those people : ) My friends are not going to LA, but they particularly don’t want me to turn down LA for Davis xD</p>

<p>chrisxluna - Thank you for your response…I love all the smileys that you use hehe :3 (I tend to use so many, I have to go back and edit them out) That is so great to hear…and I do intend to join clubs and such! Hopefully there are no worries, and I will work on keeping the right mindset and an open mind :slight_smile: I’m happy to hear that your first year has been great : D</p>

8

<p>Just go with an open mind and stop being so hard on yourself. Make sure if you go to UCLA (or Davis) that you go to the 3 day orientation during the summer. You will be with the same group of 10-12 students for 3 days during orientation. They put you with students in your same or similar major. So instantly you have the opportunity to meet some like minded people. My daughter met one of her best friends in her orientation group and has since gone home with her for Easter weekend for the last two years. Join clubs that sound interesting to you. Keep your dorm room open. Most people are in the same boat as you are. Maybe some are more confident or naturally outgoing but everyone shows up hoping they will make friends and find a way to fit in. A previous poster made a lot of sense when they said to stop worrying so much about what people think of you because most people aren’t really thinking about you…they are thinking about themselves and how they are going to make friends. I think both schools would be similar for you as they are close in size and in academics. I would go to the campus where you feel most comfortable.</p>

<p>You should request a residential hall for housing instead of a “plaza” (at UCLA) as they tend to me more social and conducive to meeting people. Even your dorm floor will have events and get togethers so you will have many opportunities to get involved. But it is up to you. Do not stay in your dorm room playing around on the computer for more than a few minutes each day or you will end up alone in your dorm room playing around on your computer!</p>