I’m lost at this point. I’m 18 years old currently a freshman and I am extremely unhappy. I’m only there because it’s what my parents think is best for me. At first I was excited about college (mostly for the experience) even though I was unsure of what I wanted to do. I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past few months and being here made me realize my true passion, which is makeup. I really would love to attend beauty school and just drop out of college all together. My parents don’t support this decision at all because I think they feel like the only way for me to be successful in life is to get a college degree. They think that I am making the wrong choice and end up wanting to go back to college. College is not for everyone… I barely go to classes anymore, I don’t do my assignments, and fail most of my exams. I’m unmotivated and unhappy with my life at the moment and I’m mainly blaming it on college and the lack of support from my parents. I’m almost certain that I’m going to fail this semester which will make them even more disappointed, angry, and unsupportive of my dreams. I only have a part time job so I don’t have the funds to move out or even go to beauty school without their help. How do I deal with this? I’m scared to fail and drop out because i don’t want to be a disappointment. Even if i just push through college and somehow manage to pass, I will continue to be unhappy. Talking to them about this does me no good either. I truly want to be successful and make my parents proud but at the same time do what I love. I am just looking for advice or someone with a similar struggle to maybe make me feel a little better. thanks.
Is there a drama department at your U? Perhaps you could get involved in it and learn about stage makeup, which can lead to jobs.
Please, please, please go to class, do your assignments, and do your best to salvage this term. Your parents are more likely to work with you if you show you can be responsible and are trying. Go to office hours and talk with your instructors and the counselor and the counseling center.
I’m quite certain they’ll be very upset, hurt and disappointed if you don’t try your best this term and not inclined to listen to you.
Both my older sister and I struggled with college early on in our academic careers (full disclosure–30 years ago) My sister wanted to focus on clothes designing and doing make-up for theater groups. I just wanted to hang out and have fun–no direction, basically.
My sister figured things out pretty quickly. She switched to interior design as a major and minored in business. She graduated on time, got a job selling furniture and helping people to decorate houses. She worked that into a job selling mid-range window coverings. She saw an opportunity to go more upscale, but her boss liked his niche. She got a business partner and a small space. She took on the role of Chief Financial Officer (business minor, remember), and built it into a small, very profitable company. She is a million miles from where she started, but her education kept paying dividends she didn’t foresee.
Me? I messed around, half pretending to go to school. No real interest, no real direction. I sometimes only took two or three classes a semester. I had a 2.2 GPA mostly because I was good at dropping classes before the grades were official. My third year, our dad got sick and almost died, so I dropped out of school (my sister was already graduated). I worked jobs that suited me but didn’t actually push me intellectually. I could do the work, but it was too “mentally” easy. I’d quit and do something else. I’d take physically demanding jobs just to keep moving. Boredom can be a mindset and you can’t fix that just by changing location. So, I had a moment of clarity while clearing a fire zone on a 100+ degree day: this is not what I am meant to do.
My dad recovered and I went back to school with a vengeance even though I still didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do. I took a hard look at myself and determined what major I could advance at most quickly, whether I liked it or not. I followed my gifts and ended up an English major. I never wanted to be one before and had no idea what I would do with the degree. I actually took a class on “What to do with an English degree.” I ended up doing the obvious and going into teaching. 25 years later I find it to be the most mentally engaging and invigorating career. I can say with all sincerity that at 15 or 18 or 20 or 22 years old, I did NOT think I would be a teacher. Now, 25 years later, I can’t imagine myself as anything else.
Now, I find myself sharing these stories and giving advice to my son. Like you, he’s a current freshman in college and adjusting to the lifestyle. He’s unsure of his future. Classes are hard, some are boring, or he doesn’t see the point. That’s been the case for a long time. Really though, it’s more about the journey (cliche alert). Becoming your “self” is a process. I tell him to keep moving forward. Don’t limit your self or take the easy way out. Give your self opportunities. It might be a winding road, but as long as you are going forward, you won’t get stuck for long.
Good luck to you.
I’ll bet that if you tell your parents “Mom and Dad. I have not been going to class this semester and I will likely fail most of my classes” that’ll get their attention. Is it too late for you to withdraw from those classes?
If you fail the semester you will probably be asked to leave the college anyway. You should just fess up to your parents now, frankly.
I mean this kindly, but you are not behaving in a mature fashion at all. You are very young. You have many, many years ahead of you. Sabotaging your parents’ plans and your own future is not showing any level of responsibility. If you want your parents to take you seriously, you should be doing your best, not your worst. You should be going to see the academic advisor and telling them what you’ve told us here. You should be finding ways to put your creativity to use while in college.
You’re right, college isn’t for everyone. However, I’m not seeing evidence of you thinking through any kind of viable options. Here’s the thing about college: your degree is for life. There is no real reason you can’t do make up and get a degree at the same time. Be proactive and plan things out, instaed of just letting everything fall apart first.
I can relate to the above post. I spent six years getting my degree. I was lazy, and I spent a few years at community college, dropping classes, ditching and going to the beach. I lied to my parents about my grades (btw, you are doing the same,) and I got put on academic probation in community college, which was a much-needed wake up call. I finally got serious about my education and ended up making the Dean’s List.
Because I have a degree, I am finally, in my 50’s, doing a job I love. I had a career not related to my degree for many years, but the fact is that my current job would not be possible if I had no degree.
I suggest you have a serious, mature conversation about long-term goals with your parents, and an academic advisor. Go to the counseling center at your college and start talking through your emotions. At the moment you are burying your head in the sand. Posting here is a good start, becasue you at least realize there is a problem. Your parents will want to help you. They don’t want to see you fail. Give them reasons to see that you can take some responsibility for you actions. Good luck.
If you can salvage the term and grades do so. Even if you guit at the end of the term your transcript won’t prevent you from going back to school in the future. You need a more mature approach to your problem. Just letting yourself flunk out is also basically flushing your parents money away in addition to any disappointment you are fearing. The above posters have given you good advice.
Maybe you can do a media arts degree and theater minor. You can do makeup and learn how to make the most of it by showcasing it in a video blog that looks professionally produced?
What you cannot do is fail out of school and hope you can go to beauty school. I’m not even sure that is a “thing” unless you want to learn more than makeup. You will always need to take classes you don’t like or relate to in any pre-career plan education.
Also, maybe go see a counselor at the health center. You could be suffereing from depression right now.
Good luck.
I think you should talk to your parents. And
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withdraw from classes if you can
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talk to a counselor at school: if you are depressed you may be able to get a medical withdrawal which will erase your grades and give you a clean transcript
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talking to a counselor will of course be helpful anyway.Perhaps a counselor could meet with you and your parents and help you with them.
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think about community college or working for awhile before making any big decisions, and have a counselor at home
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see if the community college has an aesthetician program
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realize you can do college in many ways over time, including one class at a time- people are still doing college late in life- the majority of college students are “Non-traditional” and there are online and low residency programs too
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look into training for make-up- maybe this should be higher on the list! Maybe you could volunteer in a local theater production and help with make-up or get an entry level job in a salon. Aestheticians also do skin care which is an interesting field.
The truth is that work experience is still highly valued, and it is also possible to get specific vocational training for a variety of fields. A friend of my daughter’s did not go to college but trained in hair and make-up and works in LA and does well. She is an admirable independent-minded person in my view.
Do what you love, get a solid background in it, and then be open to other paths as time goes on.
You are going to need help with all of this and I really urge you to have a therapist/counselor. This is a big change and your parents may not understand. The ways in which you put your head in the sand and used avoidance to deal with your unhappiness needs to be looked at. Your resistance to college is not uncommon and it is OKAY not to go to college right now, in terms of future prospects- but your parents need to see that.
Good luck!
One of my friend’s daughter got a degree in business and now is the manager/trainer of a group of beauty industry related businesses. She was able to turn her love for beauty related things into a career. She is still hands on with the beauty “business”, but also manages people. Also my hairstylist told me that many of her peers first went to college at their parent’s insistence and then got their beauty related training. Those peers are generally the ones who run their own salons, because they have a business or marketing degree. Also if you are good at chemistry or biology, you could get a degree that would allow you to work in the development of new make-up products.Honestly you need to look at the bigger picture of how a degree could help you pursue a career related to the beauty industry. Please turn this semester around, see if you can drop your worst class and then concentrate on pulling up your grades as best you can.
My niece’s daughter wants to work in a salon, doing hair and makeup.
Here’s the gist of what I said in an email to her mom:
They qualify for the Excelsior Scholarship, a new NY program that pretty much gives tuition to families making below $110,000 per year. That means that Katie would get a free education at a CUNY or SUNY school. Pretty much free.
But I don’t think any offer cosmetology.
So I suggested they take advantage, and get her a degree in something business related. Management, Small Business Management, something along those lines.
Then she can become trained in Cosmetology.
Down the road she’ll have the tools to open a salon of her own. She’ll be in control of her own income. She won’t be stuck standing on her feet all day when she’s 50. She’ll be able to plan for retirement one day. She’ll be her own boss.
And if life takes her in a totally different direction, she’ll still have that Management degree.
@eerr19009
I agree. College is not for everyone. But the truth is that people with a college degree generally out earn people without one. You are over 18 and so you are independent and have every right to make your own choices. If you want to leave college and go to beauty school, you need to get a full time job and pay for it. Its not so easy to do. Finish the semester without failing, if you can. Then over the summer see what it takes to get a real job without a degree. See if you can live on minimum wage. If your parents will let you live at home while doing this, you are lucky. If not, you will have to find a way to pay for room and board while saving for beauty school.
Others have given you wonderful suggestions. Look into related majors at your school. If you are great at makeup already, start your own business doing make up for events – proms, bat mitzvahs, etc… Make youtube videos and get a following. You can do all that while in school.
If you give us some details about where you see yourself going with this, we might be able to help more. Do you want to be an artist in Hollywood or Broadway? Do you want to open a shop? Be a stylist? What is your dream? Good luck!
As a parent, it is hard to accept that our kid does not want to go to college because that is seen as the ticket to success. But of course there are other paths.
Level with your parents. Certainly, if you aren’t going to class their tuition money is not being well used. Also, please consider talking to a counselor to figure out if there are some mental health issues going on. Not going to class or doing your work could be a sign of depression.
Get a summer job in a salon as an assistant or even receptionist to see what it is like. Save your money and find out what the best path is as you may want to broaden your scope to include facials or hair or something. .
You’re getting good advice – I would add, see if you can get a job at Sephora if a store is near your location.
permit me to slightly amend what I read in post 12. You are 18, or over, and are old enough to be independent.
Independent adults make their own choices. If you choose to depend on others for your support, you are not an independent adult, and must permit others to choose for you.
So you can choose- support yourself and make your own choices or well, continue as is.
THE WORST thing you can do is sabotage yourself and fail on purpose. If you ever decide to go to college in the future, you will have a horrible GPA.
Do you want to do the hair stuff too? There are jobs out there for hair stylists everywhere- maybe they aren’t making buckets of money but if it’s your passion that’s worth something. And I agree college is not for everyone. I wouldn’t care if one of my daughters chose beauty school. At one point my youngest considered it and I was happy we’d save money on college but she decided she didn’t want to touch people that much. She still loves makeup a lot.
I recently saw the W-2 of a lady that manages an Ulta store and her wages were very good. If you can’t talk your parents into the beauty school route, you could see about pulling yourself together for a business or management degree with the goal of doing something like that. Would that help motivate you to get your degree?
If you talk to your parents more, do some research on the cost of your remaining years of college compared to the cost of a beauty school, and some research on opportunities for jobs you could get with the beauty school education, etc. Present the information professionally and calmly, as opposed to a whine session about how much you hate college.
Who is going to pay for beauty school? That’s not free.
College is a gift, a privilege. My DD#1 is still in high school and loves makeup like you do. I have given her the excellent advice shared with you above. I’m hoping that she will study business, marketing or chemistry to get into the big steady money side of the industry. Life is much more fun when you get paid independent adult money and can afford your own place, etc.
Go to your college classes and get an makeup related job. If you already have good makeup skills, there is nothing preventing you from becoming the local go-to makeup artist for prom and fancy college occasions. The pay is good. Do faces, take pictures, do more faces, take more pictures, build a portfolio of your work. Working on getting whatever licenses your need and build yourself a future.
I would just add that, at your age, we tend to live in the moment. We are often ruled by the emotions of here and now and don’t consider too far ahead. As a previous post said, try looking into different activities at your school, get out there and change your environment a bit, meet people with different interests, essentially broaded your horizons a bit. Remember you can’t run away from yourself - “yourself” follows you wherever you go. Are you unhappy because of your environment or because of what’s going on in your head (parents’ feelings, pressure about tests)? I always tell my DD “When you’ve lost your joy, change your attitude.”
And also “This too shall pass.” Some clever clogs came up with that little gem, too. 
And it’s so true.
Good luck.
To be successful doing makeup and/or hair, you will probably want to run your own salon one day. And you WILL need business skills you can learn in college. I’m so impressed with my hairstylist’s ability to run her own business. It’s not easy!