<p>I've been reading (never writing) these boards for years. I remember the trips, funny comments, decision processes that our two daughter's and their friends went through choosing undergrad schools. Now one daughter is applying to Phd programs and the applications are all to do with "the specific specialty". Aside from the colleges near her she doesn't even see these places until after accepted, then she spends every weekend in March flying here and there. She has been accepted to 4 so far. All I can think of is where will she live is, this city safe? We will probably rarely see her again. And on and on. I don't say these things to her of course because she is grown and will make her own decisions, but inside I'm as nervous as can be. Also we aren't the hovering type parents and she is smarter than we are anyway. I have found the discussions about trips to schools on her list helpful in many ways. Any grad school parents to be out there? Has anyone ever gone on one of these trips with their child?</p>
<p>You definitely shouldn’t go on one of the trips with your daughter for a grad weekend. The schools assume the potential student is a full adult by that point and should be able to do it on their own (also, they should provide lodging which they’ll likely have to share with another student, so you tagging along could be a little awkward).</p>
<p>When I went to college, I was only about five hours away by car. I was able to come home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and generally the beginning and end of the summer (I usually had internships or whatnot away from home). Now that I’ve been in grad school a few years I try to come home once in mid-summer and over Christmas. It’s a little harder (especially missing Thanksgiving since that’s our big get-together holiday), but I still call my parents 2-3 times a week and really enjoy seeing them every chance possible.</p>
<p>I actually did the cross-country drive with my dad (east coast to California), and we had a ton of fun. Got to see a lot of country we’ve never seen before, and spent a good two weeks taking our time. It’s definitely something I’d recommend doing if your daughter winds up going far away.</p>
<p>Seinmyway
- I am sure you are very proud.
- No, you should not accompany your daugher on her interview trips.
- Once she is where she needs to be for the next step, you can/should visit. Or you can go and help her move in.</p>
<p>I find this to be difficult!</p>
<p>Seinmyway - I’m in the same position. My youngest is booking flights now. I don’t know where she will end up, but I’m guessing either CA or NY. Although my daughter has welcomed me to join her on any of the trips, I have politely declined. I’m excited for her, and glad that she has options, but I am going to miss having her only 40 minutes away.</p>
<p>I’m right there with you. My oldest is also in the midst of PhD applications and the closest school he applied to is over 1,000 miles away. He applied to 12 schools, heard back from 4 so far and was accepted to 3/4. I’m stressing out about this way more than he is and trying to not get overinvolved. I did help him book some flights for visits, but he’s all on his own. </p>
<p>I’ve so enjoyed having him close by but independent, and will miss him terribly as he enters this next phase. This summer will be the last time he’ll be living at home. As it’s looking now, he’ll be headed either to the east or west coast.</p>
<p>This family was allocated one trip/one person to help move to each school. Each school and city was thought of being temporary as is the first few jobs.</p>
<p>Yes, I have been enjoying a bittersweet year as well, knowing full well, S1 will be somewhere else, not at home next year. He is taking a break, working before embarking on the journey that is the MArch. He could go as far away as the UK, where I would miss him as I did the last 4 years. He was only 6 hours away by train then. I’ve been looking at this time as a bonus where he comes home from work every night and we talk, sometimes cook dinner together, watch silly TV shows and just be.</p>
<p>He’s always been very independent, as I was not even involved during the undergrad application process, so this is much the same. He takes pains to keep me informed though, which I very much appreciate.</p>
<p>So Seinmyway, I will not be accompanying him on any trips,but I sure will enjoy visiting him wherever he ends up this time. S2 is a sophomore in NYC and we sure enjoy visiting him whenever the chance come up!</p>
<p>Gosh–this thread takes me back. I never even visited any of the grad schools I applied to. Just went to the one I got into with the best reputation, although it was in a part of the country I was pretty sure I’d enjoy. I don’t think my parents ever visited (although I had worked for two years between undergrad and grad–I really was pretty much an adult). My mother did insist, though, on <em>pictures</em> of the place I was living–said she had to be able to envision my surroundings. And I spent a good 3-4 weeks at home over semester breaks, plus I spent those summers at home with my parents, working for my employer from before grad school.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Don’t even think about going on the accepted student visits. Don’t offer input on which city you think is safe and which not. First, you are not likely to be accurate, and second, that doesn’t even make it onto the first page of important factors about a PhD program.</p></li>
<li><p>But later if your daughter wants to ask you to come help look for an apartment, or move, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all.</p></li>
<li><p>I didn’t visit for grad school, either. Although of my three choices, one was the place where I was an undergraduate, so I was there, the second was a place I visited a couple of times a year, so I didn’t feel much need to visit, and the third, where I went, I had never seen, but my sister was an undergraduate there. Later, I was glad I hadn’t visited. It was the perfect place for me, but I hated the way it looked and all the superficial things – it took me 6-7 weeks to get over that. If I had visited, I’m sure I would have gone elsewhere, to my long-term detriment.</p></li>
<li><p>Man, I am jealous of all of you whose kids are sitting with multiple acceptances!</p></li>
</ol>
<p>First they get a Ph.D., and then take a teaching job wherever there is one! (“unsafe” city or not.)</p>
<p>My D. spent her undergrad years 3,000 miles away, one year in Italy, one summer in India-Thailand-Cambodia, and now six years in a Ph.D. program 3,000 miles away. We couldn’t be happier for her (and gives us an excuse to go visit.) </p>
<p>Ph.D. programs are all about specialty, specialty, specialty. Choosing the right mentor in one’s specialty can (and often does) make or break a career.</p>
<p>She has booked all her own flights. Told us after the fact where she applied, never asked for help on Proofreading applications–most likely knowing we wouldn’t know what she was talking about anyhow. I was just courious about the visits because parents are so involved with the undergrad search. I was actually surprised when she told us the trips are all paid for because I was wondering where we would get the money for travel.</p>
<p>My son did the grad school route alone. I feel a little guilty that I have not yet visited him. He chose to move into a dorm, so didn’t need my help. (When it warms up, I’ll go visit.)</p>
<p>What was interesting is that he shared comments about the environments and the labs. He never mentioned these factors when looking at UGs. Actually, he only went to view UGs that admitted him, so never had the college tour trips. For grad school, he was back and forth between the coasts on weekly basis for 6 or 7 weeks. I could talk to him about his perceptions, but his profs were better about schools.</p>
<p>Seinmyway - where is your daughter going?</p>
<p>SM–I’d agree with the view that with graduate school admissions it’s much better to allow your student to make the decisions and do the leg work herself. Moreover, what’s most important for doctoral programs is that your D has a mentor. For my H that was the key to his getting a good job when he finished his doctoral program. He was lucky in that he was able to go to a top academic program and much of that was because of his mentor, who really went to bat for H.</p>
<p>Congrats to your D on her acceptances. That’s wonderful. My D (graduating in May) is applying to MFA programs in acting. Unlike other graduate programs–an acting MFA is all about the auditions. She’ll hear at the beginning of March.</p>
<p>Wow, what a difference the grad school adventure is than the undergrad process. DD is also in the enviable position of choosing from her top 3 schools. She has already started a spreadsheet with different factors to consider, trying to make it a quantitative decision; I told her I think it’s a good idea, but in the end “gut feel” has some unmeasurable (but very important) decision. In her case, there’s no wrong choice, but she already knows that there are certain things she likes better from each program. I’ve tried to stay in the background, offering opinions (mostly only when asked).</p>
<p>Her younger sister and I are going to start our own decision spreadsheet for her, and told her not to bother going to visit, we’ll take care of the decision for her!!!..things like how attractive the professor she’ll be working with is, how geeky-in-an-awkward-social-way the faculty looks on their websites, and adding coolness points if the prof has his own Wiki page! Also, proximity to an IKEA should be considered too, hahahaha.</p>
<p>I know it’s going to be a tough decision for her, but all 3 schools know that they are trying now to convince her to come to them instead of elsewhere, so it’s a feeling she probably won’t feel again–I hope she savors it, though I know she’s already going crazy thinking about it.</p>
<p>Son is finalizing his grad school decision this week. He’s home visiting S, just to make sure his decision not to go there is the right one and to not burn any bridges for future post-doc possibilities. Although we would love to have him closer to home these next 5-6 years[ which he knows], staying in SCal to go to CT would be the right decision. He is very lucky indeed!</p>