So my son called tonight, upset that he did not get into the frat he was trying to get into this week. I don’t really know how frats work, but apparently he was being invited to parties that were sort of like interviews, and as the days went on, he eventually was not invited anymore. According to him, this was the most exclusive frat, so it was not a huge surprise that he didn’t make the final cut, however he apparently did not apply to any other frats, and now he says it is too late and he cannot be in any frat at all. He is upset because all his friends are going into frats and he feels he will be left out. 
I told him there is definitely a bright side and he will have more time for studying, working out etc., and that there are many, many other students who are not in frats or sororities. But he’s not seeing the bright side right now. Is there anything that can be done after the fact? Or can he try to get into a different frat next year as a sophomore? I’m clueless here, any thoughts would be appreciated!
I know many guys who rushed as sophomores instead of freshman. Naturally most rush as freshman but some people decide later they want to be in a frat-others are transfers. In the meantime he can get to know a few frats and the guys in them, He may have friends already in frats. Then he has a leg up when Rush starts. It is a drag for him but by no means does it mean he can’t become a brother in a frat. He will now have more time than most students to check each out and make an informed decision. If he knows which frats he might be interested in, he can attend their parties, etc.
Do all frats rush around this time? I know at my school many of the multicultural Greek chapters have a later rush date. I was invited to be in an Asian sorority (I’m white) well after the predominately white chapters had given out bids.
If he is at University of Richmond, note that only 19% of men are in fraternities (though 32% of women are in sororities), according to http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg05_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=1630 . So there should be plenty of social life that is not fraternity-based.
Fellow UR student here.
First of all, plenty of students rush here as sophomores (or later). His chances of being in a frat are not over for good.
Second, at UR frats don’t determine your friends really. His friends he made won’t abandon him because he’s not in their frat. The frats aren’t exclusive in that way. Heck, people who join different frats are still friends. This is different than a lot of schools, especially because there are no fraternity houses. Students in Greek life live in the dorms. The lodges are only used for the fraternity meetings and parties.
And there are plenty of things to do on campus if you’re not involved with Greek life! Plus, he can always go to the frat parties (he doesn’t have to be in one to go).
Chris17mom, hope you call your son and let him know all is not gloomy-especially about guineagirl96’s reply. I also know how, as a parent, it is hard to know your child is experiencing a disappointment when you are not close by and can’t change the situation. Hope he feels better to hear this.
@chris17mom Hindsight is 20/20, but it’s a shame your son didn’t educate himself about the system a little better. It’s always a bad idea to decide on one group and one group only, particularly if it’s a fairly selective fraternity.
The process you describe sounds a little like “Formal Rush.” At some schools this is followed by Open Rush, a period of two or three weeks where bids continue to be extended. Some groups will extend bids after rush is over. It just varies from campus to campus. Have your son check with the Greek Affairs office and find out what he can. And should he have to wait until next year, encourage him to visit and consider as many groups as possible.
Thanks everyone! It sounds like there are a few things he can do, either this year or next year. I talked to him today and he is feeling a lot better about everything. I think he was kind of on the fence about joining a frat anyways, due to the time commitments involved. So perhaps this will just give him a chance to think about it some more.
@guineagirl96 That is so encouraging, thanks! I know he has close friends in his dorm, and since everyone will still be living in the dorm it should be fine.
@chris17mom I told my guy that he was NOT joining a frat. I was in a sorority but that is a different animal. He is in the ballroom dancing club and has made a great group of diverse friends. Have him find a club he loves. Sometimes the greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.