<p>DS accepted a bid to a fraternity 2 weeks ago...and I haven't spoken to him since.</p>
<p>I have a bad feeling. So many parents seem to be in the dark about this...I swear the "tradition" of fraternity pledging is so subversive and covert that most parents never know what their son has gone through.</p>
<p>Please....I KNOW that there are many fraternities/sororities out there that don't stoop to this level, and many fraternity pledges that sail through the process with little incident. I don't need to hear from you. </p>
<p>And...YES...I do know that fraternity life has its advantages for the young men who opt for this college experience. </p>
<p>I'm talking strictly about the INITIATION period, also known as "pledging," usually a 6-8 week period of time when new recruits are tested to the limits of their physical, emotional and mental endurance. Hazing takes many, many forms....some silly and inane, some far more detrimental.</p>
<p>I DO want to hear from those of you who, like me, suspect that there is a very dark side to fraternity pledging. </p>
<p>What do you know for sure about this process???</p>
<p>NOVEMBER 10–As part of an apparent hazing ritual, an Iowa fraternity pledge consumed so much booze that his blood alcohol level was nearly .500 when, barely breathing, he was admitted early Sunday to a Des Moines hospital. Nate Erickson, a 19-year-old Drake University freshman pledging the Phi Delta Theta fraternity, was found unresponsive at a home used by the frat, according to the Des Moines Police Department. Erickson’s mother told cops that her son had sent out text messages “stating that ‘they’ were making me do full cups of Everclear and that he had already done 5 beer can shots.” </p>
<p>Everclear is a grain alcohol with an exceedingly high alcohol concentration. Jacqueline Erickson, who reported that her son also texted “I’m gonna die,” told an investigator that she was concerned that he “was possibly forced to drink the alcohol as part of a hazing ritual.”</p>
<p>I believe 2 fraternity members plead guilty to charges relating to this incident just recently. They were his fraternity ‘brothers’.</p>
<p>Great. Another thread meant to bash fraternities and perpetuate myths. I’m certainly not saying that there are not fraternities where pledging is dangerous and that bad things don’t happen. But how many fraternity pledges are there in the U.S. every year and how many have bad things happen? How many young people drink themselves to death outside of a fraternity pledging?</p>
<p>Every fraternity is different. Hopefully our sons are intelligent enough to choose one that doesn’t endanger their lives. Chances are those kids who are foolish enough to choose one of the dangerous ones, would have exhibited that behavior without the fraternity.</p>
<p>sorry…I have been in touch with him by txt and email…but usually his response is “I’m just really busy, mom.” Not forthcoming at all. Is it possible that he has been told NOT to be in contact with parents??</p>
<p>I’m not “fraternity bashing.” I’m just trying to understand the fraternity initiation culture and why it persists on college campuses despite attempts by administrative officials to end it. </p>
<p>Is it so very essential for fraternities to perpetuate the tradition of ritualized initiation for their pledges…all in the name of “brotherhood?”</p>
<p>I think it’s very important for the media to cover incidents like what happened at Drake. It is happening everywhere…as a parent I can bury my head in the sand and believe that my son wouldn’t choose a fraternity where this is possible, but I truly believe that these boys get involved with very little or no knowledge of what will happen during initiation. Believe me, “the brothers” don’t divulge any of this during rush.</p>
<p>There is no “fraternity initiation culture.” There are fraternity initiation “cultures.” I don’t know anything about your son’s college or his specific fraternity so I can’t tell you what particular “culture” his fraternity is part of. And, no, what happened at Drake is not an example of what “is happening everywhere.” When I was a college student many decades ago some of the fraternities on campus were part of the “clan of the paddle,” and incorporated physical abuse into the pledging and “hell week” experience. There were other fraternities that were members of the “clan of the mug.” They made the consumption of copious amounts of beer central to the initiation period. One fraternity was a proud member of the “clan of the panty raid.” This activity was admittedly archaic, but a long-standing tradition. Of course, today this practice could easily be construed as a form of sexual harassment. There was even one fraternity on my campus that was a double secret member of the “clan of the hall.” Hard as it might be to believe, pledges were required to meet for 2 hours every evening for six weeks of enforced group study. </p>
<p>As I said, I have no idea which, if any, of these cultures your son’s fraternity subscribes to. It might be worth asking him.</p>
<p>I think it’s a bit peculiar to ask for horror stories when your son is in the middle of pledging. I thinking looking for reassurance might be more constructive.</p>
<p>It’s also odd that “jdd” posted a very similar thread back in 2008.</p>
<p>I think it’s unproductive for any parent to feed OP any horror stories now, if OP is for real. It is no different than when one is going in for childbirth, there are many horror stories if one is really looking for it, but most of the time it is fine. No matter how intense a pledging period is, a boy is still required to go to classes, eat, and even work. Therefore he should have time to text his mom back to let her know that he is ok. I would be concerned if I don’t hear from my kid for two weeks if he normally contacted daily or few times a week.</p>
<p>I don’t think I would really want someone to tell me that I could die at childbirth while I was 5 cm dilated?</p>
<p>Lol, oldfort! Hudsonvalley is right. There are cultures in which the initiation consists of parties and mild social embarrassment, and cultures in which it’s drink til you puke and then drink some more. Without knowing the campus and frat, it’s hard to say.</p>
<p>Yes…I did post in 2008…after #1son’s fraternity initiation.</p>
<p>Now I’m dealing with #2son’s initiation. My radar is indeed up…as a result of what I know about #1son’s experience.</p>
<h1>2son is at a different school.</h1>
<p>I did hesitate to post again…people take so many hits on this forum…I just really, really want to understand fraternity life. </p>
<p>hudsonvalley51: Interesting information…this is what I’m looking for!..each fraternity obviously has their peculiar set of traditions and rituals. Do fraternities practice “traditions” like these across campuses, or were they specific to your school? </p>
<p>Obviously there are no generalizations to be made. </p>
<p>I’ll continue trying to connect with #2son and will listen very, very carefully.</p>
<p>^^it may be more helpful for you to post on the individual college forum to get info; I totally agree that it depends on the individual school and chapter…</p>
<p>The sorority thread has turned into a fashion forum…haha…don’t want to see that happening here…</p>
<p>jdd - he could just be very busy and he is fine. Check his bank acct, FB to see if he has been active. If you are really worried, maybe try to contact his RA or his friends.</p>
<p>My younger son isn’t pledging and he’s barely answering texts. Boys often don’t communicate much when they’re at college. </p>
<p>I highly doubt the frat has put forth some kind of “no contact with parents” order. I’ve never heard of such a thing (and it would be hard to enforce anyway, especially since some pledges could live at home.).</p>
<p>My son is NOT involved on the Greek scene and FINALLY responded to our phone/email queries after nearly 2 weeks. It may be just a guy thing- too busy with college life and no interest in parents.</p>
<p>There are commonalities and there are differences. The actual initiation ceremony of Fraternity ABC (the specific words, the specific rituals, etc.) are going to be the same from college to college, but there may be unique traditions that grew up around certain campuses. (For example, “laking” – throwing someone into the lake – was something that guys of all fraternities did at Northwestern – because you had Lake Michigan right there and it was a mild source of amusement to lake a guy if he did something great, like got accepted to med school, or to bust his chops if he got engaged, that kind of thing). But whether the given fraternity does rituals of the “busting one another’s chops” variety or the “you will prove your manhood by engaging in ridiculous and sometimes dangerous tasks involving alcohol and deserted roads” variety – that is very individual to each chapter. So you keep asking about “fraternity life,” but generalities don’t matter. It’s whatever culture your particular son happens to be in that matters.</p>
<p>We did candle passings too. That happened at all the houses to my knowledge; it wasn’t specific to any particular sorority. That’s when H’s fraternity brothers laked him, LOL.</p>