Free Essay Grading (grade mine too please?)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi College Confidential! So I've decided to try and improve my essay score by grading essays. You post them on here, and I'll assign a score with some feedback. I only ask that you provide feedback for my essay as well :). Thanks! </p>

<p>Prompt: Do people achieve more success by cooperation than by competition? </p>

<p>Essay:
What do successful relationships, business organizations, and governments all have in common? They rely on a foundation of cooperation. Cooperation, rather than competition, spurs success because it instills teamwork and a collaborative environment.
It is a well-known maxim that two minds are better than one. Teamwork combines the work of many, allowing for more creativity and knowledge to help achieve success. However, teamwork only succeeds when its teammates cooperate. When cooperation and teamwork come together, it can achieve more than if all the teammates were individuals, working separately to try and beat each other. With cooperation, all the great ideas can be meshed together to create a superb idea.
Cooperation also instills a nicer environment to work in. Competition is stressful and deleterious, because it is just one man to fend for himself in a jungle of others. However, cooperation creates a positive environment that has less stress and more endorphin. Others can also provide positive reinforcement. Happier people produce better work, and cooperate creates happy people.
In the past, cooperation has always produced more significant results than competition. Our current Congress relies on cooperation, but with the competition of two conflicting parties, hardly anythings can be achieve. The Era of Good Feelings following the War of 1812 was only so because there was just one, cooperative party of Republicans, without the competition of the Federalists.
Cooperation produces much more success than competition because of its positive environment and teamwork. May someday be a world of cooperation rather than a world of competition, and we will accomplish great things. </p>

2

<p>I would give it 9/10. You have a clear idea, good structure, good examples and arguments, use more transition word and maybe a more varied sentence stucture</p>

<p>Do you agree with Aaron Burr that it is wisest to put things off if you can?</p>

<pre><code>Time is one of the most valuable things people have, but once it passes it is gone inevitably. Time spent beneficially becomes even more precious, yet people tend to waste it. I strongly disagree with Aaron Burr and I believe that time should be spent wisely because every tomorrow is a mystery, so people should think about the present and embrace the spectacular now.
History, art, and literature are full of examples showing that it is crucial to seize the moment and not wait. Hamlet, a play written by the well-known author William Shakespeare, illustrates the importance of taking action upon the moment and not postponing the important decisions. Hamlet, the main character, is indecisive and not confident with himself. Hamlet’s character combines both humanitarian and medieval ideas which makes him search for new evidence that will make him sure of his choice. The pressure of making the right decision drives him crazy. Hamlet has several opportunities to kill Claudius, but he does not do it. In the end of the play when he finally chooses to do something everything has changed and his actions lead to the death of several characters including his too. Hamlet serves as an example that procrastination and putting things off may have serious consequences.
Many of the people reading this essay may say that the example with Hamlet is a faulty analogy, so I am going to give you an example from everyday life. As you know being a high school junior is extremely intense. They have to think about colleges, extracurricular activities, high grades and if this is not hard enough they have to prepare for standardized tests like SAT, ACT, AP, etc. One of my closest friends is a really ambitious junior. She decided that she was going to take the SAT, three SAT Subject Tests, and two APs all in one year. The first test she was going to take was the SAT. She thought that she did not have to prepare that much for it, since she had high Math and English grade. She waited for the last two weeks before the actual test to even try and do a practice test. She did the test, but did not get the grade she wanted. The second test she was going to take were the two of the SAT Subject Tests. She did not prepare for them either so she scored low grades on them too. She was lucky because she had the opportunity to take the test several times. After the two failures she realized that if she wanted to achieve something she had to dedicate as much time as possible and not waste a single minute and now she is in one of the Ivy League Colleges.
People should take action immediately and seize the moment because you may have opportunities today, but they may disappear tomorrow. People should spend their precious time wisely and it will pay of generously. My personal advice is do not sit around waiting for things to happen, make things happen. Strive for greatness
</code></pre>

3

<p>Thanks!
Pros: varied examples, clear idea, clear structure
Cons: minor grammatical mistakes, 2nd person (personally I don’t like it but I’m not sure about your SAT grader), more difficult vocab, more varied sentence structure
Advice: “do so” not “do it”; put 1st sentence of 1st paragraph to end of intro; instead of 2nd person, maybe “from personal experiences”
Score: 9/10 as well :slight_smile: </p>

4

<p>I agree with Kaya about your essay bird, although I would also add that you have a few grammatical errors interspersed throughout (although nothing egregious). In regard to Kaya’s essay, I would say its pretty good as well (I’d give them both a 9 probably). A few grammatical and structural errors (and don’t address your readers personally). Both of you have strong examples though, which is probably the most important part.</p>

<p>Here’s mine, I’d appreciate any feedback (this is a fairly unconventional style of essay writing for me):</p>

<p>Prompt: Are children’s political opinions an echo of those espoused by their parents?</p>

<pre><code> Children are intrinsically and heavily shaped by their parents, due in large part to the high level of contact they share with one another. As such, since a child’s capacity to hold opinions develops at an earlier age than his capacity to formulate opinions devoid of external influence, it logically follows that the opinions of a child regarding key political issues generally mirror those of his parents. Such a fact is not so much a result of parents’ desire to espouse their children with certain beliefs as it is the byproduct of other, evolutionarily beneficial, processes.
Over time, due to natural selection, children have been instilled with the notion to follow their parents’ instructions; in essence, since the child that heeds his parents’ warning not to play with fire stands a far greater chance of survival, it stands to reason that children, over many generations, will grow to be more obedient of their parents and avoid fire. Since children are not developed enough to be completely safe on their own, this is largely beneficial, and in some instances, crucial, to their survival. Yet this same process by which a child learns not to play with fire, in the modern world, can cause a child to absorb a parent’s opinions as well. As such, it is only logical that children will, until they are old enough to think independently on key issues, echo the political views of their parents.
This trend is evident in literature as well, particularly in Ray Bradbury’s dystopian novel Fahrenheit 451 (don’t know how to italicize on this site, but obviously it should be). In this novel, Bradbury depicts a futuristic society wherein all literature is proscribed. As such, many members of this society have grown irrationally fearful of books. One major character in the novel, Mildred Montag, is particularly averse to literature, and as result, her children are as well. Meanwhile, the McClellan family is a rarity in this society in that they fully support the publication of books. Logically, due to the influence of her parents, Clarisse, the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. McClellan, is herself a strong advocate of literature as well. Thus, Bradbury presents the alternate viewpoints of the Montag children and Clarisse McClellan to demonstrate that the children’s opinions are a result of the environment in which they are raised and, particularly, the attitudes of their parents towards books.
In conclusion, the political views of a child largely echo those of his parents. Since a child is raised to follow his parents obediently for his own safety, the child garners not only lessons from his parents, but opinions as well, a fact further demonstrated in Ray Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451. As Harvard psychology professor Dr. John Goldstein opined, “The environment of a child is one in which the parent is always right, and rightfully so.” Indeed, this is certainly true, but it does raise additional consequences in regards to the child’s formulation of his opinions.
</code></pre>

5

<p>Pros: very nice vocab, complex sentence structure, good transitions, nice intro
Cons: a little short, another example?; conclusion should not raise new ideas, just a tie up
Comments: Mildred had kids…? That’s ok, SAT graders won’t care about facts :); also maybe quote moved to beginning, and you can base your essay off of it
Score: 10</p>

<p>Grade mine?
Prompt: Is success in life earned or do people succeed because they are lucky?
Success in life is earned because hard work reaps results. Examples from history and literature clearly demonstrate that success is earned.
Andrew Carnegie did no being life rich, but through hard work, he became one of the wealthiest Americans in history. Carnegie was born into an undersized cottage in Scotland. Following fiscal difficulties, the Carnegie family decided to move to Pennsylvania, where Carnegie worked his first job at age 13 at a cotton mill for 12 hrs a day and 6 days a week. Afterward, Carnegie began work as a messenger boy at a railway station. Carnegie worked fastidiously, building connections, learning the trade, and he eventually became owner of that and several other railroad companies. Therefore, Andrew Carnegie’s life perfectly represents how a boy with humble beginnings can lead to a millionare businessman with the help of hard work.
On a more modern note, Steve Jobs also achieved a rags-to-riches, Horatio Alger-like story through hard work. Jobs had always been interested in technology, but dropped out of college due to its exorbitant rates. Jobs later formed his own company, Apple. However, his overzealous desire for perfection fostered a coup, which successfully overthrew Jobs. Later, Jobs was rehired into Apple and became the de facto CEO. In order to achieve success with his Apple products, Jobs called meetings that lasted until midnight and more at 7 AM on the same day. Although Jobs’ strive toward perfectionism led to his demise, his success is clearly evident with the ubiquitousness of iPhones and Macbooks.
On a literary perspective, In the novel Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, the protagonist Victor Frankenstein succeeded in the creation of life. As a child, Frankenstein had been enraptured with science, and studied science in college. He was most interested it he creation of life, and studied chemistry and mathematics day and night to achieve his goal. When his friends visited, Victor’s appearance was described as gaunt and sallow since Frankenstein had been so wholly engrossed in the makings of life that he had neglected his own. However, Frankenstein eventually, through endless days and nights, accomplished his goal of creating life.
After a careful analysis of Andrew Carnegie, Steve Jobs, and Victor Frankenstein, success is indeed earned through hard work. Success is only credited with luck when the hard work is not acknowledged. With some perseverance, determination, and desire, anyone can become successful. </p>

6

<p>Pros: Strong examples (particularly Carnegie… didn’t know that about him), good structure and some pretty good vocab words
Cons: Some occasional awkwardness (particularly in the Jobs paragraph). Also, I wouldn’t be so quick to point out Jobs’ firing and failures in a paragraph about his success. I’d stick more to the thread about him holding overnight meetings</p>

<p>I’d give it a 9/12.Very nice!</p>

7

<p>Please grade mine? I think this is the best essay from several I tried writing, but I can’t really tell where it would stand grade-wise. I still have much trouble finishing by the 25 min mark. Critique would be great!</p>

<p>Prompt: Can a situation that at first seemed unpromising lead to positive results?</p>

<p>The end result of any situation always remains a mystery until it unfolds in its own time. This countes equally for every aspect of our lives, so it is not uncommon, much less impossible, fora seemingly futile situation to evolve into something successful.
To see an illustration of this, we don’t have to look farther than the history of our own nation. When our founding fathers signed the Declaration of independence on fateful day of Jul4 4, 1776, the event was not taken seriously by Great Britian, nor the rest of the civilized world. For a considerable part of the War for Independence, the colonies’ position was not that inspired hope. Nevertheless, the United States of America stands proudly today, regardless of how despondent their case may have seemed two hundred years ago.
Another example also took place on American soil a few decades later, with the founding of Georgia. Georgia was founded by a wealthy statesman with a philanthropic vision- a vision for a land of equality and void of discrimination. He gave out land to anyone he thought would make an honest living on his colony. However, the system was quickly overrun with scam and corruption.
The beginning intentions and state of a situation are rarely ever an indication of its resolve, as has been proven countless times throughout history.</p>

8

<p>Pros: good vocab, you clearly put a lot of effort into that. Nice intro too
Cons: certainly length seems to be the biggest one. My reccomendation if you’re struggling on time would be to read some blog posts on how to write an SAT essay efficiently (and focus on whichever part(s) you struggle with). Also the Georgia example is kinda underdeveloped in my opinion.</p>

<p>All-in-all not bad. I’d say 6/12 with a lot of potential for improvement if you can learn to write more in the 25 minutes</p>

9

<p>Grade mine?</p>

<p>Prompt: Do people truly benefit from hardship and misfortune? (I don’t generally use any personal examples so I’d appreciate any feedback)</p>

<p>Though hardship can certainly lead to feelings of pain and distress, these emotions are ultimately ephemeral, and our struggles can allow is to grow into stronger individuals. As Thomas Edison opined, “Success is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.” Indeed, it is through misfortunes that we can develop strong character and ultimately learn to succeed.
In my sophomore year of high school, I decided to try out for the All-New England High School Band, a collection of the most talented teenage musicians from across New England. When I arrived, I was quickly unnerved by the remarkable level of competition, as the other musicians were clearly far more talented than myself. I went into my audition confident in the inevitability of my failure, and sure enough, I was rejected almost immediately. However, that failure taught me that I would need to try harder if I wanted to achieve my dream of being accepted. For the next year, I rehearsed fastidiously, eager to ace my second audition. Due to my noticeable improvement, I was accepted, a feat which would not have been possible had I not faced such a thorough rejection in the previous year.
On a more serious note, the author Charles Dickens was born into abject poverty and was forced to work In a labor-intensive factory as a child. Dickens grew up with aspirations to leave his life of hardship behind. As a result of his horrific childhood, he found literary inspiration; a number of his novels, including David Copperfield and Great Expectations, depict the terrible experiences of poor English children who work in factories much like he himself did. Thus, Dickens’ misfortunes as a child were in fact beneficial, as they enabled him to develop his voice as an author and become one of the most successful writers of the 19th century.
In conclusion, though hardship can yield pain and suffering, it can also breed character. By learning from difficult times, we are able to become stronger and avoid future perils. Indeed, it is the mark of a truly willful individual to be able to emerge from the fires of turmoil unscathed and to benefit from his experiences therein,</p>