<p>I'm a Freshman (18 y/o) in college. I live at home to save money so I can graduate without any debt. My parents subsidize my living costs entirely and I do not have a job. I have a merit scholarship which covers all of my tuition and fees, so my parents don't have to put any money towards my actual college-exclusive expenses. </p>
<p>I feel like a free loader. My parents insist that I do not get a job unless it is something like working on campus in the admissions office or tutoring. They think that I should only be focusing on my studies so I can maintain my scholarship and have good prospects for graduate school. They tell me that I have my whole life to work and that I should focus now on just being a student. </p>
<p>I feel awful, awful guilt every time my parents buy me something, especially if it some sort of luxury. My family went Black Friday shopping and my Dad bought me a very expensive pair of riding boots and he also offered multiple times to buy me a fancy tablet too, but I declined. I feel pathetic. My Dad insists that he enjoys buying me things. He says that he works to provide for his family, and give me everything that my siblings and I want. This stems largely from his own background. He grew up in absolute poverty in Africa and went without such simple things as shoes for most of his childhood. He wants to give me and my siblings everything his parents couldn't give him. </p>
<p>I am currently looking into getting an on campus job next semester. On campus employment is open to everyone, not just work study students. My parents do not want me getting an off campus job, they've told me this repeatedly. All of my friends have off campus jobs and an income and I feel absolutely pathetic every time we go out and they're using their own money and I'm spending what is more or less an allowance my Dad has given me. </p>
<p>When I raise the issue with my Dad, he tells me that I am actually saving him so much money, because if I hadn't "worked" (he stresses the word work since I always bring up working in terms of employment) so hard in high school to get my scholarship, he'd be paying 40k+ in tuition a year. </p>
<p>I'm conflicted because I feel awful (the guilt has been getting pretty bad recently, with the holidays coming up) and my parents keep telling me that I shouldn't be feeling this way. I also feel guilty because I know there are kids who have to work because they don't have anyone who can provide for them, and I am complaining about what is to many a privilege. I feel guilty because among my peers, I am essentially a child, entirely dependent on my family. I feel as though the only way I can reconcile these feelings is if I get an on campus job (which I'm trying to do) but if that doesn't work out, I will only feel worse. </p>
<p>I don't know if my feelings are justified or if this is all just nonsense. </p>
<p>Today I woke up really early and remembered how much money my parents spent on me during Black Friday and I cleaned the entire house, including the attic, and prepared lunch for my younger grade-school aged siblings, just to suppress some of the guilt and feel as though I was actually contributing. This has become a habit of mine, cleaning and cooking immediately after my parents buy me something.</p>
<p>What kind of “in kind” services can you do for your parents? Cook dinners once a week? Do the laundry? Shovel snow or mow the lawn? Vacuum the house? Run errands? Put up the holiday decorations (and take them down)? Dust? Change the linens? </p>
<p>You are only freeloading if you do NOTHING to contribute to the household. </p>
<p>Can you babysit on the weekends?</p>
<p>Jobs in admissions are HIGHLY competitive, but there are other less competitve on campus jobs…call center, dining halls, for example. They aren’t “glamorous” but they will give you work experience.</p>
<p>My kiddo worked in the call center at her school for one semester…and it was a great thing to have on her resume when she applied for her job working in the admissions office. Plus she had a recommendation from an on campus boss.</p>
<p>That scholarship that you earned is far more money than any typical college student job will earn you. Your top priority is to ensure that you keep that scholarship for all four years.</p>
<p>If the scholarship has a GPA minimum to renew, remember that frosh year is the riskiest time, since you do not have previous high GPA course work to “buffer” against one semester of grades lower than the GPA minimum. Therefore, it may be least risky to fully concentrate on your school work, rather than look for a job this year. You do not want to lose $120,000 (the next three years of a $40,000 per year scholarship) for $2,500 or so of work earnings during the next semester.</p>
<p>However, the situation may be different in following years, assuming you have built up a GPA buffer. Work experience, particularly if related to your post-graduation goals, is valuable. Depending on your major and post-graduation goals, you may be more likely to get relevant jobs in later years.</p>
<p>It’s sweet that you notice and appreciate what your parents do for you. But since they aren’t paying anything for college costs, unless they are poor, then paying for a tablet and boots isn’t really a lot (but still be thankful!)</p>
<p>This about it…if your parents were paying for some of your tuition they likely would be spending at least a few thousand per semester…which likely a lot less than what they spent on Black Friday for you. </p>
<p>It is very nice that you honored your family by doing those extra chores (can I adopt you?). Respect your parents wishes that they want you to focus on your education and not work. They may have determined that the income from a part-time job is so low that it isn’t worth risking the loss of your scholarship - which would end up costing them a LOT more!!!</p>
<p>Were some of those purchases Christmas gifts (or whatever your family celebrates)? </p>
<p>@thumper1 I was asking about loans because my parents and I had discussed the prospect of me transferring to another school. This had to do with a misconception about undergraduate prestige playing a role in graduate school admissions. (We thought, incorrectly, that undergraduate prestige meant as much as GPA in professional school admissions so the hypothetical debt would be an “investment”) We have since kicked that line of thinking and are sticking with my current schooling situation. </p>
<p>I usually pick up my siblings from school twice a week and I always do the laundry and vacuuming in the house (I find both pretty enjoyable, lol). </p>
<p>@mom2collegekids These were quasi-Christmas gifts, yes. I don’t really get Christmas gifts on Christmas day. I help my parents pick out and wrap gifts for my siblings who still believe in Santa and everything, to help make the holiday “magical” for them. My Dad wanted to buy me the tablet specifically for school.</p>
<p>First, you have to understand that a full-time student with scholarships that pay for college and who does some home-chores is NOT free-loading.</p>
<p>I think I can speak for EVERY PARENT on CC that you are NOT free-loading! LOL (any parents who disagree with me, PLEASE post…I’d love to read those posts!!! )</p>
<p>I’m of the opinion that your father would have told you if he needs you to kick in some funds. I agree with others that maintaining the GPA for your scholarship should be the #1 goal. It’s paying you $40k per year. You sound like a great daughter. You can always get a job this summer and save your earnings for pocket money during the school year. I know I love it when my children surprise me by doing a chore that was not asked for. It really shows you care about your family. Good luck with school.</p>
<p>So, are you saying that after being out of school for 3 years, you have now returned to school (with tuition merit scholarships) and your parents were concerned that this current school wasn’t prestigious enough and they once considered having you transfer, borrow money, and go elsewhere?</p>
<p>Your parents surely did a better job of raising you than I did with mine. They’re home right now and so far, I have not witnessed a single cleaning frenzy…although I guess I can still hope. Popcorn bowls are still in the family room from last night, and I am avoiding their bedrooms until Monday morning. </p>
<p>College kids came home to relax and unwind, not to “work”.</p>
<p>When DS was in college, we even had some troubles to get him to drive a car (we wanted him to accumulate his driving experiences since he did not have a car while he was at his college) when he was home during the break! We have now graduated from the job of “nagging” him to do something. (I guess somebody else takes over the “nagging” job from us now. LOL.)</p>
<p>You are not a freeloader. Your dad is right, concentrate on your studies and keep helping around the house where you can. I can understand wanting to have some of your own money-- but your parents do not have an issue with buying you things and you should just be thankful you have such a great relationship. If this is still happening when you’re 28, then maybe yes, you’d be a freeloader. But you are 18 and helping them out around the house and with siblings! Not a freeloader!</p>
)</p>