<p>I wouldn't ask what the parents do because it would imply that it matters and with some competitive schools there is the stigma of "that's where the rich kids go" or "you'll get in if your parents can donate a lot." The kid might think I'm fishing for $$$.</p>
<p>Jonri,
Virtually all of the things that you mention are things that could be very important for a college and an interviewer to be aware about to properly assess a student. These include even those things that many would consider embarasing such as having a parent who is in a mental institution.</p>
<p>Having risen to the challenge of being academically successful despite having a retarded sibling, mentally ill parent, parent in prison, etc. -- and even having used such a challenge as inspiration to help others or to select a career -- all could be big pluses for admission to a place like an Ivy. </p>
<p>A person, however, whose response to questions about their family would be to feel such shame as to not want to go to the college or not to want to describe their family probably wouldn't be the type of person who'd feel comfortable at a place like the kind of college that I interview for. I know Harvard graduates whose parents' backgrounds included a felon, cab driver, bank president, bigamist, and U.S. Senator. </p>
<p>The only info that Harvard typically gives interviewers is the student's name, phone #, e-mail, address, whether their parents attended Harvard, the student's race and projected major. The college, however, does expect the interviewer to learn about the student's family during the interview, and to use that info to assess the student in the context of their background.</p>
<p>Again, different colleges expect different things from interviewers, and depending on what the interview's purpose is (evaluative or informational), which kind of questions are appropriate will differ.</p>
<p>What's funny about all of this is that among the lies that I have caught students in during interviews occurred when a student told me that he'd be first in his family to go to college. Later, the same student told me he had developed his academic interest due to reading his dad's college textbooks. When I asked him about how that could happen if his father never went to college, the student claimed to have forgotten that his father went to college.</p>
<p>Apparently word has gotten out that at top colleges, being first gen college can be a big plus...</p>
<p>Northstar mom - so you think applicants should play up their "family skeletons?" Mom is an alcoholic, sister is anorexic, brother got kicked out of boarding school for downloading porn...</p>
<p>I guess my point is that kids should have some right to decide when and where to discuss these issues and to say it isn't anyone's business if they're asked...if they want the admissions office to know how it may have affected their lives, they can write about it.</p>
<p>I think not trusting a total stranger (all they know about me is where I went to school) with every detail of your life is a good characteristic to have.</p>
<p>I REALLY disagree with post #42. If Harvard expects you to do that..well, then I think Harvard is wrong. However, I don't think Harvard expects you to do that--if it did, it would give interviewers the information. </p>
<p>Sure, there are rich kids --especially those who have read books like "A Is for Admission"--who will try to come across as disadvantaged when they are not. That does NOT mean though that a kid who IS disadvantaged--as many of the kids I interview are--is going to be comfortable when an interviewer who is obviously more affluent than (s)he is and may also be from a very different background asks "What does your father do for a living?" </p>
<p>"A person, however, whose response to questions about their family would be to feel such shame as to not want to go to the college or not to want to describe their family probably wouldn't be the type of person who'd feel comfortable at a place like the kind of college that I interview for."</p>
<p>IMO, that is completely untrue. It is also UNBELIEVABLY condescending and insensitive. You mean to tell me that a young girl whose father is a paranoid schizophrenic who is asked about him by a stranger, maybe even in a Starbucks or other public place, and doesn't want to trot out the facts of her home life to get a high score for overcoming adversity on some interviewer's check list doesn't belong at Harvard? --or that a young boy whose father is in prison who doesn't want to tell that to a stranger in the same circumstances is "unfit" for Harvard?</p>
<p>If the admissions staff feels that way, then it is truly a VERY sick place. (In fairness to Harvard, I don't think you are speaking for the admissions office and if I were on the staff and read what you have written, you would be off the list of interviewers in about fifteen seconds. And, yes, I'm serious.)</p>
<p>"orthstar mom - so you think applicants should play up their "family skeletons?" Mom is an alcoholic, sister is anorexic, brother got kicked out of boarding school for downloading porn..."</p>
<p>Telling the above info could be relevant if, for instance, the applicant is considering a career or major related to the dysfunction in their family. It also could be relevant if the applicant has done volunteer work related to difficulties their family experienced. And it could be relevant if the family's problems raised challenges that the applicant had to overcome. An example would be if the applicant had to take virtually full responsibility for their younger siblings due to the mother's constantly being in and out of mental institutions or drug rehabs.</p>
<p>Trying to use the kind of info that you describe to get a sympathy admit, however, would be a bad idea.</p>
<p>My college boyfriend's dad was a bigamist, a lawyer who abandoned my boyfriend's family to move out of state and marry another woman without divorcing my boyfriend's mom. As a result, my boyfriend's family ended up on welfare and as recipients of church charity baskets.</p>
<p>My boyfriend-- who was valedictorian of a private high school that he attended on need-based scholarship-- often talked about how the challenges he faced growing up fueled his desire to succeed in college. He got his BA and doctorate from Harvard. I can imagine that he would have been open with a college interviewer about his family situation, and his record of rising to a very tough challenge would have been viewed as an asset.</p>
<p>If he had been the type of person who had been paralyzed with shame about his family situation, he wouldn't have had the character to have been able to flourish at a place like Harvard where many of his peers came from well off, renowned families, and where it wasn't unusual for students to (in casual, not bragging conversations) mention info about their families' notable achievements or to have such info be public knowledge.</p>
<p>"</p>
<p>IMO, that is completely untrue. It is also UNBELIEVABLY condescending and insensitive. You mean to tell me that a young girl whose father is a paranoid schizophrenic who is asked about him by a stranger, maybe even in a Starbucks or other public place, and doesn't want to trot out the facts of her home life to get a high score for overcoming adversity on some interviewer's check list doesn't belong at Harvard? --or that a young boy whose father is in prison who doesn't want to tell that to a stranger in the same circumstances is "unfit" for Harvard?"</p>
<p>It's not unusual at all for children and teens to be asked about their parents' occupation. This occurs in a variety of social situations, not just in some college interviews.</p>
<p>Certainly, if a student's parent were hospitalized due to mental illness, they wouldn't need to announce that in any situation. They could say, "My parent is "retired," "not currently employed," or is "disabled" or "ill."</p>
<p>I just spent a week at a retreat with a woman who said she had chosen to attend that retreat because it was near where her elderly mother lives, and the woman planned to visit her mother after the retreat. As the woman prepared to leave, I asked about the mother's health, and the woman revealed that her mother is schizophrenic and recently moved into a group home. </p>
<p>One of my closest friends at Harvard had a mom who was schizophrenic. My friend was very open about it from the very beginning. I would not be surprised if that info also came up during my friend's interview as -- due to her mom's illness -- my friend had a lot of responsibilities at home growing up. </p>
<p>I don't think it's insensitive to say that a person who is paralyzed with shame about having a family member with a problem like a mental illness probably wouldn't fit in well at a place like Harvard. Due to the achievements of the students and faculty, anyone who lacks lots of confidence in themselves would be miserable there. Regardless of their family background, a person who is comfortable with themselves would be accepted.</p>
<p>Not wanting to trot out the family's "dirty linen" to a stranger, perhaps in a public place, does not mean someone is "paralyzed with shame." To say that such a student doesn't have the "character to have been able to flourish at a place like Harvard..." is ABSURD. The kid who thinks that some things are private or best shared with professionals in whose professional discretion (s)he can rely rather than an alumna interviewer isn't "paralyzed with shame" and IMO is likely to have far more integrity than the kid who trots out every hardship he has ever endured in the hope that it will help him get into Harvard.</p>
<p>I think "paralyzed with shame" is a little strong for a kid who just doesn't feel like talking about his family. It isn't anything he has control over. He may respect his family's right to privacy. As adults, I think alumni interviewers should respect that there are boundaries. I can't imagine asking another adult what his or her parents do after I've known them for five minutes.</p>
<p>It's all in how you phrase the question. "How has your home life prepared you for being away at college?" is one of my standards. More often than not, the student will talk about the parent(s), family life, challenges, etc. I don't think anyone here is "forcing" a kid to talk about his/her parents if they don't want to, but we recognize that home life is often an important component of the overall student picture.</p>
<p>Jonri, This is what you wrote before:
"Asking about parents can also be touchy. I know a wonderful young man in high school, the grandson of a good friend, who does not KNOW who his father is (and neither does his mom--she went through a pretty wild time when she was young, but chose not to have an abortion when she got pregnant.) If anyone asked him about his dad, I think he would storm out of the interview. </p>
<p>One of my D's closest friends in high school has a father who is insane. He is in a mental institution and has been since she was a toddler. I think if she were asked about her dad by a stranger, she'd lie and say he is dead. "</p>
<p>Someone who would storm out of an interview or lie when asked about their mentally ill or unknown father is holding so much shame about something that's beyond their control that they would not fit in in a college like Harvard, where many people come from very prominent families or are well known for their own achievements. In fact, a person who is that touchy may have difficulty in many college situations since, for instance, it's not unusual in some college classes for students to have to design family trees or to participate in discussions about their families. For that matter, such a person may have difficulty in many social situations. </p>
<p>Instead of storming out, the person who doesn't know who their father is could say simply, "I have never had any contact with him." Being asked about one's parents isn't an unusual question for anyone to face, and by the time one is applying to college, one certainly should have found ways of coping with the question that are better than storming out.</p>
<p>As for the person whose parent is in a mental institution, easy enough to say, "He's hospitalized with a permanent disability."</p>
<p>No one has to trot out their dirty linen in an interview. However, a person who, for instance, was inspired by their mentally ill parent to want to major in psychology or work in a field related to mental health would probably benefit themselves by explaining in an interview how their parent's situation inspired them.</p>
<p>When I taught college, one of the most highly motivated students I knew was going to college on scholarships and loans, had a deceased mentally ill mother who never was able to tell the student who her father was. I know that info because the student chose to publish in the campus newspaper an article about her life. The point of the article was that even if faced with major challenges, students still could succeed in college.</p>
<p>Lots of people have skeletons in their family closets yet have learned to respond with grace to general questions about their families in ways that are truthful, but don't reveal dirty laundry that they'd prefer not be known. I don't think it's unrealistic to expect that high school students would be able to handle general questions about their parents even if their parents are felons, mentally ill , uneducated, unknown, etc. It's not as if the interviewers are asking questions about the student's sex life.</p>
<p>Muffy,
I would not ask another adult what his/her parents do after knowing them for five minutes either. But that is not what we are talking about here. In learning about a candidate for admission purposes, it is beneficial to have some understanding of their upbringing and family background, as a context. </p>
<p>My children have very educated parents. We value education and our kids have been given every opportunity. Another kid who could not get driven to ECs, whose parents could not afford ECs, who held a job as their only activity, who had no help with selecting/visiting colleges, had to care for younger siblings or an ill parent, had a messy divorce where they have been shuttled around to different living situations over the years, or had moved a lot, all will have a different context in looking at their achievements, activities, college search, etc. </p>
<p>From my alma mater's alumni interview handbook, it goes over various areas for questions at the interview, even sample questions. It does suggest starting with the student's family background:</p>
<p>
[quote]
Begin the interview by talking about a subject that is comfortable and familiar such as the student's
family. The application will tell us where the student currently lives; ask if she has always lived there.
If they have moved around a lot, find out more. The application will tell us about their parents and
siblings education- what more can you find out? Is education important to this family? Are they
influenced by the choices made by family members? Information about relationships with siblings or
parents can also tell us a little about the students character. For example, if they have siblings, have
they ever shared a room with one? What was that like? If you find out a grandparent lives in the
home, ask what is challenging about having 3 generations under one roof or what has their
grandfather taught them since moving in. </p>
<p>While most students are comfortable talking about their families, some are not. If you sense some
discomfort with the topic, you should move on.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't think any student needs to get into any detail about things like mental illness and such. He or she can say where they were born and have lived, where their parents grew up, what they do now, if they went to college, where their siblings are, etc. and be as specific or as general as they wish.</p>
<p>I agree with Northstarmom's post in #60. The student should by now be prepared to know how to answer if someone asks about, let's say, a father they have never met or one in a mental institution. These questions likely have come up before a college interview. They are not being forced to reveal specifics they do not wish to. They simply can say they are not in contact with the parent, or the parent has a disability, etc. I can't imagine a student feeling they have to run out of an interview or make up that the parent is deceased when faced with this basic question that they will be faced with many times in their life....including when they get to college. They need to learn coping skills of how to answer such questions as generally or as specifically as is comfortable for them. For instance, with a parent who is in jail, they simply can say that the parent doesn't live with them. I doubt an interviewer would probe that sort of answer as it would be obvious the student chose to leave it at that. Some may opt to open up more of their own choosing. Like I said, I have had some open up quite a lot about various divorces and changed living situations and that impact. I didn't make them open up about it, they chose to. But I did ask who they live with.....like "tell me about your family...."</p>
<p>"I don't think it's unrealistic to expect that high school students would be able to handle general questions about their parents even if their parents are felons, mentally ill , uneducated, unknown, etc."</p>
<p>We can agree to disagree. First, because SOME students feel comfortable sharing that sort of information doesn't mean there is something wrong with those who choose not to do so. I doubt the young man I know who doesn't know the identity of his father will ever publish a newspaper article about it--and I don't think the young man who did is a better person because he did. </p>
<p>If kids don't feel comfortable with such questions in a college interview situation, it certainly doesn't mean that they are "paralyzed with shame" or lacking in "character" or--what a high standard!--won't be able to feel comfortable at Harvard (gasp!) </p>
<p>Not only is this true in general, IMO, it's especially true when a student is coming from a different culture where such things may not be treated in the same way. (My kid's friend who had the mentally ill father was an immigrant.)</p>
<p>Second, the college interview situation is not just a normal conversation. While a socially adept 17 year old might feel perfectly free to "white lie" or finesse a question if asked at a party, the same kid might not feel comfortable doing that in a college inteview. My D's friend usually said her dad had died when she was a toddler--because that was the explanation her mom had given her to give to others when she was young. But I don't think she would have felt comfortable doing that in a college interview. And, no, the fact that the father she barely remembered was in fact in a mental institution didn't lead her to want to study psychiatry or psychology--how convenient that would have been! Of course, had that been the case, and an interviewer had asked her why she wanted to study these subjects, and she wanted to share the information, she could have done so. But, in reality, she wanted to go in a direction which had nothing whatsoever to do with her father's illness. And, knowing this young woman, and considering her to be of very high character, I doubt that she would have answered in the affirmative if someone had said "Should we tell them that your dad is a paranoid schizophrenic if it will help you get into college?' And I don't think her hesitancy would be because of shame. She just doesn't think it defines who she is and wouldn't want to be the poster child for the "Children who have succeeded academically and socially even though they have mentally ill parents" association. Again, if you think that makes her a poor excuse for a human being, then I agree to disagree. </p>
<p>Adding to the stress of the situation is the fact that the applicant may not know what the interviewer does/does not know. The college hasn't chosen to share it with you. In this case, the colleges did know the truth--because the family had to prove the fact that dad was institutionalized in order to be excused from the requirement that he fill out the non-custodial parent form for fin aid. If you had asked this particular student about her father, I think she would have been sitting there wondering exactly how much you knew. I think that would also be the case for the young man who doesn't know the identity of his father.</p>
<p>When you say "It's not as if the interviewers are asking questions about the student's sex life" aren't you admitting that some questions should be taboo because of cultural norms? Isn't the difference in our attitudes the fact that my cultural norms --and more importantly those of some students I interview--are different than yours? Can you at least TRY to grasp the fact that for some people asking "What does your father do for a living?" is just as rude as asking a teenager "Are you sexually active?" </p>
<p>I've beaten this horse enough so I won't post again in this thread. But, I still think that any alumni interviewer who asks these questions is (a) very, very rude and (b) completely misunderstands his/her role as an interviewer.</p>
<p>PS I was working on this post when #52 was posted. If Tufts tells its alum interviewers to ask these questions, then obviously the alum is just doing her job. However, if I were a college GC I would let "my" kids know in advance that they might be asked these questions and tell them if they felt uncomfortable answering them, they should not apply to Tufts. I'd also call the Tufts admissions office and tell them that I feel the questions are inappropriate. If I were a Tufts grad, I'd do the same.</p>
<p>I don't think an interviewer would probe. I am saying that students in the situation you describe could have answered, "I am not in touch with my father." or "My father does not live with us." and left it at that. Nobody is suggesting that they reveal more than they are comfortable revealing. I am sure such kids have responses in their pocket by now as they must be asked about their parents from time to time as they will be in college as well. No need to reveal anything they do not wish to reveal. Asking family background is common in a college interview I believe, as well as on applications.</p>
<p>On the subject of asking about parents' occupations/levels of education:</p>
<p>I'm not an admissions officer, but my situation has been mentioned a couple of times as something that a teenager would potentially not want to talk about.</p>
<p>Neither of my parents finished college, my father works in a factory and my mom is a security guard. They're divorced and I live with my mother. </p>
<p>Maybe if my situation was a bit more serious, I would mind being asked. As it is now, I don't mind.</p>
<p>I KNOW that being first generation/ low income has really changed the way I look at colleges. For the first 16 years of my life, I was told we couldn't afford college. If I did go to college, it was almost positive that I would go to Big State U. </p>
<p>My adviser/career counselor accepted that explanation, even though she should have known my grades/GPA/etc, and she should have known that I'd be able to get financial aid or merit scholarships. I would have LOVED knowing about QuestBridge- I'm still a little annoyed that I didn't discover that one until too late. I guess everyone just assumes that top students at my school tend to be more affluent.</p>
<p>I did research on my own because I felt like I had worked really hard throughout high school and should have a better goal than going to a school where I didn't think I'd fit in/be incredibly happy. It was great to find out that I wasn't limited to just Big State U.</p>
<p>Relatively recently, I've convinced my mother that we could afford for me to go to a private college (although I still have financial safeties). When I say recently, I mean November or December- so I haven't done many visits/interview, (3 visits, 1 interview) but I'm trying to do more. My dad still doesn't think that college is necessary, but I got him to visit Penn State with me! He went for the ice cream- they have a creamery.</p>
<p>Also can't do dual enrollment because it costs way too much. Sure, my high school pays back half if we do well in the class, but we still have to pay the full price up front. It's with a discount, but there's no financial aid and one college class is about a month's rent or a little more.</p>
<p>I'm really grateful that I have the chance to apply to colleges where I would be challenged, and happy. I wouldn't mind sharing this story with any interviewer, because I like the ending. I wouldn't mention it if it didn't somehow come up- I think flatlander's question "How has your home life prepared you for being away at college?" would be less invasive and possibly just as informative. I wasn't asked anything similar during my interview, so my interviewer didn't know any of that- I don't want to seem like I'm trying to get what Northstarmom calls a "sympathy admit."</p>
<p>(Sorry for the long post, but I feel really strongly about this subject, especially since a lot of CCers have no clue how being low-income/first generation can affect the entire college process.)</p>
<p>Congrats, brillar. Sounds like any college would be lucky to have you.</p>
<p>I was first generation college and did everything myself. My parents didn't finish high school. I only even considered a state U. I am extremely proud of my family's humble background. I totally agree that some CC'ers have a very limited understanding of what a struggle college is for some.</p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I can't imagine asking another adult what his or her parents do after I've known them for five minutes.
[/quote]
There's lots of questions that get asked in interviews (job and college) that I would never ask people in casual situations. I tend to agree that Harvard, in particular, tends to look at confidence as one of the attributes of their students. It's not for everyone.</p>
<p>Actually, job interviews are quite restrictive. Asking questions about family members is strictly off-limits. Applicants often bring up family subjects, but the interviewer should never ask questions that would be 100% natural in any social setting, like "do you have kids?" Questions about parents, etc. would be equally inappropriate. Most of this has to do with the questions leading to discriminatory hiring behavior. (I.e., not hiring moms with kids, people who don't own a car, etc.)</p>
<p>But, in a college interview, some of these questions may be relevant and helpful to the student's chances. I don't think any interviewer is going to hammer away at a student who declines to discuss a parent by saying something like "my dad doesn't live with us"; by asking the question, though, the interviewer gives the student an opportunity to add some context.</p>
<p>Any kid with a potentially awkward family or personal circumstance should be used to handling it by the time they get to a college interview. Certainly, the same question has been asked dozens of times by schoolmates, parents of friends, teachers, etc. If an interviewee freaked out with a question like "tell me about your family" I'd think he/she probably lacked the social skills for an elite college.</p>
<p>my opinion as I a student is that my home-life is not of the concern of interviewer. The information is already provided in the application. I should be evaluated for who I am not for who my parents are or are not. Some family circumstances or situations are private matters that are not the business of the interviewer and if I were asked a direct questions about my parents occupations or my living arrangements, etc I would personally be offended. Now does this mean that I am ashamed or incapable or divulging the information? - no it just means I respect my family's privacy. If my family is going through a rough time or something I should not have to explain that if put on the spot just for an interviewer. </p>
<p>Luckily I have yet to encounter such a situation but I think a much better way of asking a question in a very general open-ended way like what do you do while your at home or something that could bring your family into it but not necessarily.</p>
<p>Now I do understand why some people would want to gauge a students achievements in context based on their family situation, but really that should not be such an important factor as it seems it is. Again, its the student that's is being evaluated and if why should students with parents from higher/lower socieoeconomic backgrounds be punished/rewarded for their situations?</p>
<p>That's just how I feel.</p>
<p>I'm not an interviewer (though I think it'd be fun once I graduate), I'm still a student (senior applying to colleges) and I only did one interview (for Scripps), but I think it's/it'd be nice to talk about non-school things.</p>
<p>What's your favorite color? TV show? Movie?
What kind of music do you listen to?
What do you do for fun?
Do you have a secret/weird obsession or habit no one knows about?
Who's one person you could meet?</p>
<p>As for school/college related questions, all of them are pretty much out there as it is..... but for me, I think the more open-ended the question is the longer the answer will be.</p>
<p>What's your biggest accomplishment (in general) in high school?
What do you think you've learned the most out of high school?
Who's your favorite teacher and why?</p>
<p>Sorry if none of these help!</p>