<p>Anyone else get a tearful (probably from the girls) or desperate (either) phonecall from their freshman? D is dealing with psychodrama prof, essay "with a stupid topic- what can I write about?" and final in science subject she has struggled in. I'll be glad when this is over!</p>
<p>Of course I get this sort of thing, even though neither of my kids is a freshman anymore.</p>
<p>I think that phone calls of this sort are to be expected. Students can't express their worries and frustrations about exams and other end-of-term assignments to their friends because everyone is in the same boat. So they vent to us instead.</p>
<p>my D rarely called- or even emailed-I had to check her public posts on livejournal to see if she was alive ( as she didn't have a cell till junior year- then I could check the bill).</p>
<p>Since my younger daughter- doesn't talk when she is home, I wonder if she will let me know how things are going- this is a real concern, especially since unlike her sister- who attended a small libarts college with about 28 people in the dorm, she will be attending a mid size public university.</p>
<p>BUt I guess no news is good news ?</p>
<p>I bet you when you speak to her in two days she will have forgotten what the drama was all about, and she will be on to a different one.:) Most of the time they will work through crisis by themselves, mean while you are holding your breath at home. I would suggest for you to just listen, take a deep breath, and have a glass wine.</p>
<p>oh god this reminds me of this morning- when my mother called me repeatedly from a cell phone- but when I answered it I couldn't hear her. ( we just transferred her to a assisted living facility)
Then when I tried to call her back- same thing happened- someone answered, but they didn't say anything.
So since I couldn't get a person at the center- I called my sister in law who lives nearby- & she said that the same thing happened to her- mom called but she didn't say anything.
got really worried- left a page on the centers #, but no one called me back.
Finally got my brother- and he said he had just left mom- she didn't have good cell service there- but that she was fine.
geez.
I almost had called 911.</p>
<p>perfectly normal! Before the kids will know it, the final exam week will be over! This is the point where a lot of students just throw in the towel- "Better done than good." It takes a couple of final exam weeks to figure that out that they've done most of the work during the semester already and can be a-okay with the final grades. Of course, unless the kid is seriously failing the course, then it's stress time. Yet, I haven't forgotten several of my final exam weeks... those were some of my most memorable times as an undergrad because it became a surreal world as I did a lot of things totally out of ordinary.</p>
<p>My d is a sophomore, and I've gotten several calls this week. Two days ago - "I have 3 p-sets and a lab due tomorrow." It was 9 pm. Tonight's call - the cat is having trouble urinating. So on top of everything else, she will have to take the cat to the vet.</p>
<p>Yes, I got those phone calls for the last 3 years from DD and for 2 years from DS1. It's so normal! The one that scares me though is DS2, who is not phased by anything at college, appears to be having a great time and has the academics totally under control while DH and I just keep wondering what this confident kid's grades will look like........I'll check in when grades come out!</p>
<p>It's having to go to the undergrad chair of a dept she's hoping to major in to talk about a prof that's really the absolute straw. Also,like many kids, she is not used to having to think about getting less than a B. With astronomy, she'll be greatful for that. Rather than a 'stars for jocks" course it was all math and physics. Before she figured that out, it was too late to drop and enroll in "rocks for jocks".</p>
<p>I have taken these types of calls this semester too, and D is a soph. Several very teary ones, dealing with social stuff as well as academic stuff. "Bring the drama to mama." Last weekend, when she was home, I asked her if she really had such an awful time this year, since she absolutely loved everything last year. She said that, no, things were mostly really fine, and she still loved the school, it was just really hard at times. So, it's VERY important to remember that they are not lying on their beds in the dark and cold and crying their eyes out all alone. They get it off their chests, cry for a few minutes, and then go along their happy way. They let it out on us because they can. They know we will listen to them, continue to love them, and (maybe??) have some good advice. Realizing this really helped me to stop worrying about these occasional calls. I told her that sometimes it would be really nice to get a call when everything was fine. Of course, she didn't call this week! Oh yeah, it's finals week, so she's been busy....</p>
<p>Great post, franglish! "Bring the drama to mama" - I'll remember that the next time it happens. :)</p>
<p>I also receive all my daughter's drama calls with tears and fears. As a senior this year I realized she was no longer calling to cry or complain. Am I no longer her shoulder? I actually miss the call, at least I knew what was going on in her life! Over Thanksgiving I did ask if everything was going ok as she didn't seem to call as much. My concern was that she might be holding things in; her reply was that all was well, just really busy this semester.</p>
<p>My little girl is growing up!!</p>
<p>
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Tonight's call - the cat is having trouble urinating. So on top of everything else, she will have to take the cat to the vet.
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</p>
<p>Sometimes I think these are the most important sorts of challenges for students -- the times when, despite heavy academic pressure, they also have to deal with pain-in-the-neck problems in other parts of their lives. I think they learn a great deal from the experience -- no matter how frustrating it may be to have to spend several hours dealing with the cat's problem (or a paperwork problem, or a money problem, or a medical or dental problem of their own) when a mountain of academic work awaits them.</p>
<p>After all, this is what adult life is like. We can't devote all our attention to our careers, even when the job pressure is greatest. It's good for them to learn that sometimes they can't, either.</p>
<p>Another lesson: animals are a huge responsibility- both in time and money.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Another lesson: animals are a huge responsibility- both in time and money.
[/quote]
True. My daughter got a kitty when she moved into an apartment. Her Dad was very against this, I was OK with it as I think it really makes her happy having the little furry maniac. Every now and then she will call saying,for instance, how expensive a vet's bill was (got her fixed plus she had a problem with a rare type of fur mite). I just smile and say 'yes, having a pet costs money'. </p>
<p>Interesting thread. My daughter is a sophomore. Her freshman year seemed to go more smoothly as far as academics. She was dealing with her nasty, controlling, bad tempered boyfriend (from HS then started college together) the first semester and with the break up with him the 2nd semester. Seemed to take it all somewhat in stride, though she is not one of the girls that is open about sharing her emotions. Strangely she is having more difficulty this semester even though her social situation is better. </p>
<p>Maybe I need to take a note out of franglish's book. I sit and worry myself sick and don't sleep after I get a call (they seem to come late at night). On the other hand it is hard to figure out how much is a momentary problem and when there is an actual problem. In my D's case I think she may actually be suffering from depression so of course we are worried.</p>
<p>Yup, it seems freakouts during finals weeks are part of the college package. My son is a junior and still finds finals weeks overwhelming....part of the problem is procrastination and then "how am I going to get all of this done in time?" Somehow it all gets done every time and he's got pretty good grades too. I guess it's part of the process for many....unfortunately we gotta stress over it too!</p>
<p>When they do 'bring the drama to mama' we have to remember they often have dumped the angst on us and they feel better, so don't bother to call and say all is well.</p>
<p>I got in the habit of asking mine if they were calling for 'sympathy or solution' if they just want sympathy, i can listen to their vent...if they want solution I can give them things to consider for the 'fix' but I don't end up trying to fix things that don't need fixing.</p>
<p>My sisters & I call each other all the time just to vent and announce it as such, it allows a mama to put much less emotion into the call! Sanity saving, for sure.</p>
<p>D is better today, and apologized for crying last night. What are moms for? I want her to "rehearse" her meeting with the dept chair on Wed. This is what is really stressing her out.</p>
<p>Oooh boy---big difference between freshman and sophomore year. I had CC counsel me in taking a breathe, and reminding myself that this too will pass-especially with a glass of wine!
You mayt be like us, and hear your child call about their concerns---and not get a report card to find out how they did. Our DD called a lot last year---and then we would not hear a peep from her. The only way we knew she was doing OK was when we got a letter from her Dean telling us she made the Dean's List. The letter said students earned a 3.75-4.0. DD never mentioned her grades. When I told her she made the Dean's List-that is when I found out a 3.75 was an A-. So...now we look for the letter from the Dean, I guess.
This year DD said she was not doing as well-I asked was she going to flunk out-she said-"Oh no, Mom, I am not going to flunk out.I might get a B, however". Imagine-a "B" stressing her out-IMHO--its nuts! Then I told her that as long as she did her best-that is all that counts. That could mean an A or a B or a C. However, she flunks out-its her dime.
This attitude de-stressed me-and I think helped her,too.</p>
<p>Great story--couple of days ago while on a business trip I got a series of text messages from my son saying "please call when you get this." FInally reached him late at night and he sounded very shaky. This is a kid who is very hard on himself when it comes to performance. He'd spend much of T'giving break writing (and stressing out about) a long paper for an upperclass course he really cares about. That day he'd gotten the paper back with (he said) a bunch of critical comments and NO GRADE, which he interpreted to mean that it was so bad the prof. wouldn't accept it. I made the expected supportive remarks (you'll learn more from this than any A paper, freshman year is for figuring out expectations, etc.) which he dismissed (probably with cause) but ended by saying he'd set up an appt. to talk with his advisor the next day.</p>
<p>So the next morning I get a text message: "you're not going to believe this." Turns out his advisor pointed out that he'd actually overlooked the very small "91" on the last page of the paper. All that drama and he actually got an A-.</p>