<p>If the kids are coming back to the dorm drunk there may be nothing a “youngish” RA can do depending on the college and their particular rules regarding drunk behavior.</p>
<p>If this is the case, it would be unusual. My campus was stricter than others when it came to alcohol (it was a dry campus, and you weren’t even supposed to be drunk on it) - but regardless of how old the RAs themselves are - and they are usually juniors and seniors with a few sophomores, so about 2 years older than the freshman - it is ILLEGAL for students under 21 to drink. ANYWHERE. On or off campus. An RA at any age can very easily take a resident causing problems aside and say “Look, I normally look the other way at the drinking in the freshman. But you are causing problems in the dorm - you are breaking rules and that is unacceptable. You could get into very serious trouble for drinking, and if you continue to be loud and disruptive I will be <em>forced</em> to report you to staff.” Most colleges take underage drinking very seriously, and that student could even get expelled, so this should make them shape up. I don’t know any college that doesn’t give residence life staff recourse for breaking up college drinking.</p>
<p>And my unfinished thought from the first paragraph is that RAs can notify maintenance about problems in the dorm that need addressing. At my alma mater we had an electronic maintenance request system for this kind of stuff, and while it wouldn’t be cleaned at 2 am a maintenance person usually could come at 7 am before most people are getting up to clean up bodily fluids.</p>
<p>But nothing makes colleges react more quickly than the threat of losing some money, so like I said, if the RAs don’t do anything take it to the housing office. And personally, I disagree that Mom shouldn’t get involved. At some level - let’s say the housing office is unresponsive. A call from Mom that they are seriously considering pulling the kid out unless these ILLEGAL activities are discontinued may make the school sit up and listen. Of course, I would leave that as a very last resort, but no school wants to face an investigation into underage drinking on their campus.</p>
<p>Comments such as these seem to be made by those who wish to continue flouting the law and college rules themselves in an effort to convince freshmen that nothing can or should be done.</p>
It’s also illegal to go over the speed limit. Yet people continue to do it, and if I were to call my local police department to complain about the amount of speeding going on, I would provide them with a good laugh and that would be the end of it.</p>
<p>I sympathize with the OP and OP’s kid. Unfortunately a lot of kids, when they first encounter the freedom of college life, go way overboard; some of them take a very long time to get their act together (if they ever do), and their behavior can be very annoying. However, the first few weeks of freshman year are a delicate time–relationships and reputations are forming and changing rapidly. A kid who complains to the RA about drinking in the first week is probably signing his social death warrant; I’m not saying that’s a good or bad thing, I’m just saying it’s the truth. </p>
<p>If I were the OP I would advise my son to show a little patience and go to the RA only if weeks have gone by and things don’t show any sign of getting better. Even then I would approach the RA more in the vein of asking for advice than making a complaint. “This is bothering me–what can I/you/we do about it?” will work better than “Those barbarians on my hall are flouting the rules! Discipline them!”</p>
<p>Nightchef makes some excellent suggestions as to how to approach the RAs. I can agree with and support that advice; his approach is quite different from the comments that some made to the effect that this is college and the OP’s son should learn to live with it. </p>
<p>The illegality of speeding is really a different case. Of course, the police will laugh if you call to say someone is going 60 in a 55 zone. But if speeders are organizing drag races between exits on the interstate as they did in my city, those who witness it can and should notify the police.</p>
<p>DS comes home after a few weeks at UMASS and declares: “Dad, I’ve figured out that college is just a business.”</p>
<p>Me: “OK, I’ll bite. Why do you think so?”</p>
<p>DS: “Because if they enforced the rules against underage drinking, they could kick 50% of the freshmen out. But that would cost them all that money so they ignore it.”</p>
<p>Different colleges approach underage drinking in different ways–some enforce, and others turn a blind eye. This is knowable in advance. If you are at a school which turns a blind eye, they’re not going to change their approach because of the complaints of one student. If it’s a school that enforces, then complaining may be effective.</p>
<p>I also agree with nightchef that if the student does complain, he should complain only about how the behavior is affecting him, and not that others are violating rules.</p>
<p>I agree 100%. During S1’s freshman year we had a discussion about drinking/drugs at his school. His observation was that the more inexperienced and strict their high school experience the more likely the kid was to “go nuts”, (drinking and getting high to the point of incapacitation). From his perspective, he thought it was like they were trying to make up for lost time. Some learned to handle their new found freedom, but more than a few didn’t come back after 1st semester. This coincides with our own observations of his classmates who stayed in town to go to college - the kids from the strictest upbringings seemed the least prepared to handle the “opportunities” before them.</p>
<p>While blaming the RA is convenient, I doubt that colleges and universities are knowingly allowing underage drinking in their buildings or on their property if only from fear of the legal liabilities. S1 pointed out that the punishment for on-campus drinking was severe, (probation on the first offense, expulsion after that). As a result, a huge percentage of drinking happened off-campus at “house parties” and fraternities. This, sometimes conveniently, makes it the problem of the local police. The degree to which the police are going to deal with it will be based on whatever pressures exist on their resources. The RA should tell the offenders to keep it quiet and clean up after themselves, he can get support from housing and security if necessary, but an RA is not a parent or a policeman.</p>
<p>What a wise son you have there! Imagine observing hundreds of students out drinking on campus property during freshmen orientation! It made me sick!</p>
<p>In the news this morning a 17 year old incoming freshman to Parsons School, in NYC fell to her death after excessive partying. The semester hadn’t even officially started. And so it begins again…</p>
<p>“I can’t imagine very many kids want to drink until they barf”</p>
<p>THEY DO. I can’t begin to understand it, but it’s a fact. At plenty of schools, it’s culturally accepted to do this right through senior year. Lots of people think that they didn’t have a good time unless they puke.</p>
<p>We don’t know what school the OP is talking about. Maybe it’s one where this is a freshman-week problem; maybe one where it’s only going to get worse.</p>
<p>“if I were to call my local police department to complain about the amount of speeding going on, I would provide them with a good laugh”</p>
<p>You aren’t paying the police $50,000 a year to provide a positive living situation. If you were, they’d be very foolish to laugh off your complaints.</p>
<p>“there is a hierarchy. If the resident assistants won’t address it, tell your son to go over their heads and talk to the residence hall director. If the RHD won’t do anything, or go directly to the housing office and complain.”</p>
<p>Strongly agree with this and the rest of juillet’s post. Your son shouldn’t have to tolerate this, and if he asks your advice, you should urge him to speak up.</p>
<p>Perhaps your son should transfer to a different school then where all forms of drinking are strictly prohibited. Say, Bob Jones or Liberty. Aside from that, drinking is part of college. That’s not going to change any time soon. Most colleges don’t give a damn about underage drinking unless you cause serious problems when you drink. The fact is, they just don’t have the resources to deal with complaints about innocent drinking when they have bigger issues to deal with. </p>
<p>If your son complains about every underage drinker that he comes across, he is going to find himself ostracized and without friends very quickly. Part of the college experience is learning how to deal with people that you may not like but that you have to get along with anyways. What he does here will be an important lesson.</p>
<p>I think the kid has a right to complain, especially about the puke and the noise. I went to a party school my freshman year, but even there we had repercussions for excessive noise in the halls. Many of the accidental alcohol deaths on college campuses come from a student being left alone to “sleep it off”. The RA could use this as an opprtunity to discuss responsible behavior concerning alcohol, what to look for as warning signs, ways to respond, etc.</p>
<p>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The Bob Jones/Liberty answer is getting old…learning to “deal with people you may like” is one thing, accepting out of control vomiting drunk people is another.</p>
My tax bill is certainly less than $50K a year, and it’s not only going to the police, but I am, in fact, paying money to my city government to “provide a positive living situation,” and the mayor’s office is very aware of the necessity of maintaining at least a plausible appearance of responsiveness to citizen complaints. The reason why the police would laugh off my complaint is therefore not because I’m not paying their salaries or because they aren’t ultimately accountable, but because the complaint would not be realistic. People aren’t going to start obeying all speed limits absent a massive, draconian and ultimately disproportionate crackdown; the current policy of ignoring moderate speeding and focusing on catching the egregious offenders who pose a serious danger to themselves and others makes sense, given human nature, the available resources, and the arguably excessive restrictiveness of the rules as they stand. I think all of this parallels college drinking pretty closely. </p>
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<p>I agree. Failing to clean up one’s vomit is a serious breach of common courtesy and should be addressed as such; for this purpose, it’s really irrelevant whether the person threw up because they were drinking or because they ate some superannuated egg salad. Same deal for the noise. Both of these things are perfectly legitimate reasons to complain, first to the offender directly, if you know who he or she is, and then to the RA.</p>
<p>^^and as a follow up, THe Today Show did a story about “binge drinking”…for guys: 5 drinks/hour…for girls: 4 drinks/hour considered binge…</p>
<p>So, my 17 yr old wakes up this morning; my 1st question to her: how many sodas can you drink in one hour? she responds maybe 3 but even that is alot…2nd question: how many beers do you think you could drink? she laughs, maybe one…possibly two but that would be pushing it…</p>
<p>My question then is: how does one down 4-5 drinks in a 60 minute period? without guzzling through a hose? (seriously)…that seems like alot of liquid (never mind alcoholic liquid) to imbibe in that time period…add the alcohol content? sounds unbelievable…</p>
<p>according to the report, 90% of college freshman reported binge drinking as defined by the above…</p>
<p>I don’t ever remember drinking that much in that time period in college; and it was legal and abudant…</p>
<p>edit: six people posted while I was typing; sorry, this was in reference to the Nicole John story…</p>
<p>i think once a kid gets to college he/she should deal with everything on his/her own, instead of running to mommy or daddy for advice and help. my roommate walked into my room threw up and fell asleep, how did we handle it, i told him to clean it up and he did. some kid threw up in our hallway, how did the hall handle it by going to the kid and telling him to clean. loud noises went to them on our own and told them to stop being as loud. surprising what you can do on your own</p>
<p>What’s innocent about ruining the shared living space? The OP’s son is the innocent one; the pukers are guilty. A bathroom with puke all over the floor every morning is uninhabitable as a matter of law in both states where I’ve practiced. If the tenant notified the landlord, who did nothing about the ongoing problem, the tenant would be entitled to a full abatement of the rent.</p>
<p>Also, what gives you the idea that the OP’s son would complain about every underage drinker? He’s complaining about the ones who are infringing on his right to live in a hygienic space. We didn’t hear a word about people in the dorm enjoying a couple of beers in their rooms. That’s innocent drinking, and no one outside of Bob Jones cares about it.</p>
<p>“it’s really irrelevant whether the person threw up because they were drinking or because they ate some superannuated egg salad”</p>
<p>On the contrary. One is foreseeable and avoidable. The other is not. Residents of shared space have a duty not to poison the space. There’s no breach of that duty when you eat egg salad, because no one eats egg salad with the expectation that it will make them vomit. There IS a breach of that duty when you do 15 Jello shots. People do that with the understanding that it will make them vomit all the time.</p>
<p>“The reason why the police would laugh off my complaint is therefore not because I’m not paying their salaries or because they aren’t ultimately accountable”</p>
<p>Of course not. It’s because they don’t have an individual contract with YOU, X service in exchange for $50k from YOU. There IS an individual contract between a tenant and a landlord, which is the relationship between the dorm residents and the college. The college can’t turn off the heat, pull off the roof, or render the bathrooms unusable without abating the rent.</p>
<p>I appreciate all of the opinions being expressed. I’m happy to see all the sides of this issue, which is why I made the original post. I would like to clear up a couple of things. First is that I am not a helicopter mom, my attitude has always been that school was his thing. I usually let him butt with his own head. This issue is different, however. There are sanitation issues involved.Would anyone out there like to start their day by standing in someone else’s puke while they brushed their teeth? My son doesn’t have a problem with anyone having a few drinks. He does have a problem showering surrounded by puke. (He has 8 am classes everyday so he can’t wait for housekeeping.) I am telling him to give it time and see if it all settles down but at what point does the EXCESSIVE drinking infringe upon his rights?</p>
<p>^ Depending on how long college has been in session, I’d say about now. </p>
<p>Some of the out of control vomiting drunk people (thanks for the great phrase, njmom)would say never, because they’d like to continue their selfish ways and keep on belittling your son in hopes that he will do nothing.</p>