<p>My S will be attending school on the East coast (from the Bay area). I know dropping the freshman at college is a rite of passage, but since the distance is 3000 miles, I am considering sending S off with Dad alone and saving my airfare. Will I regret forever if I miss this landmark journey? There is a parents weekend in October that I would attend for sure.</p>
<p>From just 4 hours away, I enjoyed Fall family weekend, when S-1 could proudly show us around everything he had set up; a few new friends, a dorm room in place; some EC's. By contrast, Orientation was hard work, kids were edgey to get away from us.
For that fun, you can hug and cry at your front door just as well as in front of his dorm!</p>
<p>I could enjoy the campus as it wanted to present itself, with concerts and plays put on to entertain and impress visiting parents. I saw the full college in action, not just the freshmen sweatily moving in. </p>
<p>I think it's wonderful if you can split up the fun/chores with H, and let one parent do orientation, and another do the first family weekend.</p>
<p>You will feel all alone when the two guys are away, but if you're sure you can get out there in the Fall, I think there's a lot of goodness in that plan.</p>
<p>Logistically, it's easier to send 2 people out the door than to get all 3 of you out. You're at home and no need to postpone mail, kennel the dog, arrange care for younger children, and so on.</p>
<p>Just consider that you're orienting your S in two stages (spin, spin..). As well, perhaps your H would have a more special, direct experience just l:l with his son.</p>
<p>Tell S you expect him to treat you like a queen when you come in the Fall, attend events with you (and basically sideline his friends for just those few days..he can do it if you clue him in).</p>
<p>Since our youngest S-2 now attends cross-country, we've also learned to factor in jet-lag when we travel. It affects us more than our kid, but with just 2 travelling, perhaps you could schedule in a sleep-recovery day. I thought it was worth it; it's a big emotional and physical effort for everyone. S arrived at Orientation better rested
that way, and at the top of his game. </p>
<p>You won't feel good sending them off and missing the sharing of experience in September, but I'm guessing you'll more than make up for it after October :)</p>
<p>My daughter will be a freshman on the east coast, also from the Bay Area. My husband and I are both planning to go for drop-off and family weekend, though the airfares are a big issue for us too.</p>
<p>Some things to think about: having a companion in the drop-off might make it less sad (well, probably not); the extra adult brings more luggage allowance on the flight; there are logistical things to do at drop-off (gathering local supplies to set up the room) that might be easier with the extra adult. But the real reason for us is that this is a big deal in all of our lives, and I think in our case whoever stayed home would probably feel bad about it.</p>
<p>As long as one of you goes with your son I think you're fine. I enjoyed helping to move S into his dorm room, meeting his roommate, etc, but our S's college was driving distance. If you're attending parents' weekend in Oct you'll have a chance to meet your son's friends and see his living space when it's actually set up as he's living in it.</p>
<p>DH did the move in for all three Ss. They were within driving distance but there was not enough room in the car for all their stuff and everyone else. I stayed home with the younger ones. We alternated visits and rarely went together because of younger siblings. Now DD is far away and while we both moved her in, I moved her out by myself. Both of us went to move in to check in the extra luggage for the flight :) There was no regret in either situation.</p>
<p>I chuckle when parents note the extra bags a parent or 2nd parent can bring on a flight as an excuse to attend freshman orientation. Shipping the amount of stuff you could put in a bag on an airplane would (obviously) be cheaper than buying a plane ticket. :) But, yes, we can all be excused from wanting to attend that first drop-off freshman year. Calgal, seeing your son at parent's weekend in October will work too, so don't despair if you can't make it to freshman orientation.</p>
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Shipping the amount of stuff you could put in a bag on an airplane would (obviously) be cheaper than buying a plane ticket.
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</p>
<p>Greta, I hear you! But we slipped up recently and S got charged $80 for an extra 10 pounds on his only suitcase! It cost more than half the air ticket. He realized that his own weight plus his suitcase together didn't add up to what some of the passengers weigh. Ah well. Check those baggage/weight/fuel cost regs on the airline websites daily; don't depend on what was true last week.</p>
<p>I think maybe I'd hide in one of the bags to be with my kid (on some days). New definition of stowing away.</p>
<p>Slightly off topic, so everybody let's go back to helping the OP...</p>
<p>Personally, I wouldn't want to miss it, but I don't know what you've got on your plate aside from the consideration of additional airfare. Either way, the October visit should be more enjoyable.</p>
<p>Please excuse this slightly sexist comment, but will S and H be ready, willing and able to unpack and organize without Mom's expertise? Unfortunately for me, in my world, men don't seem to be able to put things away--their strengths lie in leaving things (clothes/tools/utensils) on the floor where I can trip on them and forgetting about them! </p>
<p>Well, maybe you're one of the lucky ones and you live with actual neat, considerate grownups--I hear they really do exist. </p>
<p>Best of luck to you and your S.</p>
<p>I'm going to do the move in with my daughter. Maybe husband will do the move out. I wouldn't miss the unpacking and organizing, but I sure wouldn't mind missing the "empty all of the stuff out of the dorm room" at the end of the year. </p>
<p>It's a long flight, and flying more than one of us down with her doesn't make sense to us. I actually doubt we could both help her move in anyway; we'd all be stepping on each other in the dorm room.</p>
<p>We do plan to do a family visit to college about six weeks into the school year.</p>
<p>
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Shipping the amount of stuff you could put in a bag on an airplane would (obviously) be cheaper than buying a plane ticket.
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</p>
<p>Actually, last summer SW allowed 3 bags per person. I found tickets under $200. Shipping 3 bags vs $200 and the experience with our last one - priceless :) Also DH had never seen the school since I had done the early travel with her. And I confess to being sexist - he is better and putting all the things together and hanging stuff than I am and is great to have around for the heavy lifting. They had a huge common room they were furnishing besides the dorm room stuff. Of course this year the baggage limits are much stricter and airline tickets more expensive so math would be different.</p>
<p>Yes, it will probably cost a lot of money, but I would agree that going could really be worth it. Last year we both went, and admittedly it was only driving distance and she is our only child, but it was a very emotional time, for both H and me. I think I would have felt really bad at home without actually being part of the fledging. I did cry on the way home, and so did H. We needed to be together. We also both went on Parents' Weekend, which was really fun. It may have been the only PW that we will have attended-- is it OK for upper class students to have their parents come?-- so I was really glad we got to go. In the grand scheme of all the money this is costing, the memories will be worth it in the end. Plus, DD wanted us both to come. That was priceless in itself!</p>
<p>I went by myself, with my mom dropping me off at the airport and giving me a big hug. I preferred it that way, I think (it mattered a lot more to me to have parents at my graduation than at my embarking, and my impression is that it mattered a lot more to them, too). It's an individual preference sort of thing.</p>
<p>If you do go, just make sure not to get in the students' hair too much. ;)</p>
<p>Lots of considerations, but I guess i will ask my S what he would prefer. I am likely to be tearful and maybe he will not even want me there. </p>
<p>My husband would be better at schlepping, I would be better at shopping.</p>
<p>We have 3 younger kids and D starts high school the next day. I was thinking she might need me around that week. </p>
<p>Cost is actually only one of the factors now that I reflect further.</p>
<p>Hmm
I think I'll be the contrarian.I thought the move in time was far more valuable to be with the kid than the Parents weekend. The ones I attended I found over scheduled and by that time (4 or more weeks into the term) the kids didn't want to be with the parents.Just itching to get away after being treated to a meal and a big box store run.
I prefer the move in,getting the kid organized,getting a good look at the dorm and the roomates and the surroundings.That way I have a great picture in my mind for whatever comes next during that academic year.Also, I'm a bit of a organization freak and like a poster above don't know if H could organize as well (at least in my mind LOL) Its great to have them along for lifting,etc.
If I'm going to visit after the move in, I prefer an off-time not the organized Parents weekend.</p>
<p>My upcoming experience sounds like franglish's. We are going to orientation (July) and move-in (August). The airfare and hotel are expensive, but this is a one-time thing for us with our only child. Orientation has parent programs that will give us an idea of what his life will be like. Move-in seems to involve just that--he moves in, we leave! We wouldn't miss going through these rituals together. I learned on our campus visit this February that seeing my S in his future environment and imagining him there was so exciting.</p>
<p>And it's my H's alma mater, so that's fun. We'll also go to family weekend, just for the heck of it--but probably only this year, for all the reasons cathymee explains. However, my H is thrilled to have a reason to see a Mizzou football game, so maybe he'll go in the future.</p>
<p>So the bottom line is: I think it's worth the expense.</p>
<p>One thing about the cross- country issue -
Daughter in school on the west coast (we are on the east). We found that it was fairly expensive to ship stuff so she mailed the things that were important to her (the sentimental stuff) and we shopped for the rest when we got there. (She had looked at things like sheets and lamps in some of the big chains, so she had a list ready of what she needed.) My son was not nearly this organized about his dorm room but it was still good to have both of us there for move-in (which coincided with orientation and a parents program) A lot of stuff going on in those few days.</p>
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We have 3 younger kids and D starts high school the next day.
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calgal that changes the equation significantly. For S1,2 and 3 I stayed home with the younger ones and DH did all the move in. He is quite capable of organizing and shopping - or should I say buying. He goes with the list of what is needed and is out in a jiffy. Has them settled as much as they want him to and he had no trouble leaving them when they were ready to say bye, even if they were doing all the unpacking themselves. S1 wanted him gone so he could get on with being a college student. I visited at other times when he stayed home with the younger ones.</p>
<p>I must have not seen the 2nd post by the OP..3 younger children and HS starting the next day would change my way of thinking as well.When older D left, younger S was old enough to stay comfortably with friends for the few days and his HS didnt start for weeks later.When he left, older D had been gone out of the house for years already.
It might work out better for all involved if H does the trip,OP. Then attend Parents weekend, or plan your own time there.</p>
<p>I'd like to see parents (mostly mommy) move their just married S/D into the new home.</p>
<p>Save your ticket for parents weekend. They will have something to show you then and you can be generous with your bankcard at that time.</p>
<p>My H and I have already gotten our tickets to fly to west coast for move-in with our freshman S. We have relatives nearby, so we will get there a few days ahead of time, do some shopping and attend the full day of move-in activities, of which there are many! The parents weekend isn't until the end of February, and we won't be able to go, so I am going to relish the chance this fall to see where my S will be living, meet his roommate and check out many aspects of the school. I can put the sheets on his bed -- for perhaps the only time all year (I hope not, but you never know with boys) -- and take a few pix, which my S won't do. </p>
<p>We are also going to take a day and check out the public transportation route of bus and train to the airport from the university so that S will be comfortable with the cheaper (non-cab) way. We also want him to be really familiar with public trans. to San Francisco, so that he can take advantage of being so close to such an incredible city. </p>
<p>If I had had a parents' day option in the fall, I might have taken that route instead, but that's not our situation.</p>