Freshman quitting college - need guidance

Parents Forum
1

Last night, two weeks after 2nd semester began, our freshman tells us he wants to quit college and head west with no thought out plan or consulting with us. couple questions:

  1. is it best to file a Withdraw or a LOA? he has $20,000 in loan that we co-signed and we expect payments will need to be made as soon as he submits his paperwork.
  2. health insurance, does he automatically fall off our plan? what about cobra?
  3. can this be considered a GAP yr so that we can keep him on insurance?

I’m sure he’s not the first person to do this so any help is appreciated as we are dumbfounded as to why he cant’ wait until after finishing off his first full year. He’ll be 20 this year, high honor roll/dean’s list 1st semester.

TIA.

2

As a professor and advisor, I’ve had students come talk to me about such plans. And my first question to them I s this: how will you support yourself? They rarely can answer that. Have you and your son had that conversation?

If he follows through, I’d say a LOA is better. A withdrawal would likely require him to reapply for admission. An LOA would just involve a request to return.

3

We did ask. He has money saved up from working but we know he’ll blow thru that. He plans to get a job when he gets out there. He doesn’t have a place to stay. He’s being very rogue about it. We spent 2 hours on the phone with him last night. Husband is out of his mind rn. So not typical of my son and maybe that’s why he’s doing this.

Having health insurance coverage is a big concern for us. As being a student he is covered thru H work.

4

The law states that children can be on their parents plan until age 26.

5

Yikes! What a shock to you to hear this news. This is a safe place to vent and get some financial/insurance answers.

I encourage you to CALL your child’s college TODAY. Find out withdrawal deadlines,and get in writing what the requirements are for withdrawal. Is there any possibility of mental health or physical disability issues to be able to qualify for a MEDICAL withdrawal?

You must act quickly, and follow the rules and requirements to the letter to be sure the withdrawal is handled the way the college requires. Their financial aid office will be able to answer your questions about any financial aid that they gave your student. But any loans taken outside of the college will need to be handled directly with the company that issued the loans. Federal loans processed through the college normally have a six month grace period before payments start.

Are there any merit scholarships involved? It is possible you could preserve these funds for Fall semester, but again, it is the college that will give you that info.

New federal laws keep children on their parents’ insurance until age 26. I am not aware of any requirement that they stay in school to be able to stay on insurance. Others more informed may be able to correct me and give you more accurate information.

Right now, it is important for you and your spouse (and any other parent/step parents involved) come to an agreement on what you are willing to do/not do to support your child in this situation. You might need more information from your child to assess that is really going on. Too much academic pressure? A romantic breakup? Social anxiety? Do not let your child play one parent against another. Are you willing to fund your child’s extended road trip? How about a car? Are you willing to lend your car/pay for insurance/gas/repairs? If not, are you able to withstand the news of couch surfing, burger flipping, hitchhiking, camping in the woods? Or worse case scenario, if you refuse to support this alternative path, are you able to withstand silence from your child? Not knowing how he is doing on his adventure?

Tough questions that need deep thought and parents who can agree on how to handle them. Figure out what you are willing to do and then stand your ground. You may want to go to a family counselor. You may want to ask your child to attend a family counseling session with you as part of any agreement for using your car or keeping him on your insurance. Even one session might unearth what is really going on inside his head.

This is heartbreaking, and your emotions are valid. But if you can set aside the disappointments, and focus on getting to the real reason behind this shocking departure, it will give you confidence on how to move forward.

So many parents here can testify that a “normal, 4 year college experience” is not always the way life plays out. There are many paths to a degree, or even without a degree, there are many paths to employment and adulthood. You just found out your child derailed from the path, and the future you had envisioned has just exploded.

6

From what I understand they don’t have to be a student to stay on the health insurance. hhs.gov says they can stay on even if they are married or not dependent:

https://www.hhs.gov/healthcare/about-the-aca/young-adult-coverage/index.html

7

$20,000 in student loans as a freshman??? Can you explain this? This is ridiculous.

Does he have any idea what it costs to rent an apartment on the west coast?

8

Our son quit after his freshman year and is still on our insurance.

9

Yep, he can stay on your insurance until 26 even if he gets a job with benefits or gets married. Our D stayed on ours the first year she worked just to save the extra bit of money and we have really good insurance.

You say you’ve asked about supporting himself (job when he “gets there”) but what about repaying his loans. If he wants to do this I would put in on him to figure out all the money issues. However the stakes are high that the withdrawal or LOA be handled correctly so I wouldn’t leave it just to him.

Is there any way to convince him to continue thru the spring semester? Good luck.

10

He needs to apply for a leave of bsences ASAP. That way, his option to return is open if it’s approved.

Will you get any refund for THIS term’s costs? If not…that is a lot of money to toss away. He needs to hear this too. If he gets school based financial aid! He should NOT withdraw without knowing the implications…he might need to repay that for this term as well if it has already been disbursed.

In terms of the loans…who took out these loans? If you did, then you will need to start repayment per the terms of the loan. Was it a Parent Plus Loan or what? If part is a Direct Loan in the student’s name HE will need to start repayment per the terms of his loan. If he withdraws NOW then it’s possible the last day of his full time term in December will be when the clock starts ticking…as he isn’t any longer a student this term…but he will need to check with his loan servicer and I believe exit counseling is required when you leave college and have loans (this is online).

He needs to know that he MUST make these loan payments in HIS name. Otherwise costs can spiral out of control. Anything you co-signed…well…if he doesn’t pay…YOU will become responsible for repayment…that’s what co-signers have to do!

Health insurance…he can stay on your family plan until age 26…but that doesn’t mean he will have coverage in a different state or states. You need to check your plan to see for example, if you have an HMO, he might not be able to find in network providers in other states. YMMV depending on the policy.

How is he getting outwest? A car? Who owns it? If it’s your car, and your insurance…well…that is a conversation to be had.

Agree, he heeds a plan to fund this.

Having said all that…if he doesn’t want to be in college, I would try to support that decision… but I would also make it clear, that he needs to be self supporting for this venture…and needs at least a little bit of a plan.

If he is a freshman and he is going to be twenty…it sounds like he already took a gap year or something. Most freshman are turning 18 or 19.

11

Usually students can take a personal leave of absence without issue. A medical LOA would require the student to submit medical documentation both now and upon return. Since the semester is only two weeks in, I’m not sure how a medical leave would advantage him. It would not at my school.

12

I’m sorry that fell upon your head like that.
I agree you need to do/supervise the LOA process and that the big issue is his loans - how does he expect to start paying them back (they start kicking in as soon as he’s no longer in school).

13

thank you all for your responses.

so lots of follow-up questions…that’s our family contribution from fsfa. my H is closer to those details and yet son was ready to apply for transfer to 3 schools and my dear H has been working so hard to get the paperwork all done, which he did. smh.

he’ll be 20 in Sept, we repeated him at the preschool level as recommended by the teacher. since he was a week shy of the state’s age cut-off we felt like him not being the youngest would be in his best interest.

we told him he’s responsible for the loans, but we did co-sign so we are aware of the implications.

we want him to follow his dreams, as it’s his life afterall, with no regrets. it’s just a hard blow to hear from a really smart kid who wants to chase something down now vs in 3 yrs.

he’ll take a train out. he says he has a few friends to meet up with. as much as I want to reach out to ppl I know, I feel he needs to do this alone.

we told him how expensive it is to live out west and he’ll probably spend nights of couches. it’ll be hard, but he will stay in contact with me/us.

14

Ugh- this is the reason we refuse to co-sign loans for our kids.

He can stay on your insurance until he is 26 - his student status doesn’t matter. Why can he not just FINISH this year? What is the rush?

How does he plan to pay the loans which WILL start right away.

And I know some people will consider me a mean parent, but WE (me, my current husband and my ex husband) would let him take his lumps whatever they are and face the cold hard reality of this decision meaning I wouldn’t buy a car, finance a car, loan money, pay the student loans, find him places to stay etc.

We would (and I do for one of mine) keep him on health insurance and help figure out the least painful way to exit school – after that I would say good luck.

15

Can you be a bit firmer and tell him you want to discuss it further and can support this , if its reasonable, at the end of this semester but not now? It sounds like there are missing pieces in what you are hearing. There are times when IMO it’s OK to be a firm parent and this may be one of them. Its ok to be supportive of a kid without supporting what may on many levels be a bad decision. Why now? Whats his reasoning?

16

There’s a lot of questions that he must answer now. Hopefully in a face to face meeting with you two parents.

  1. Why now? Does he not like his classes? His school? No motivation?
  2. What does he actually plan on doing out West? Is he ok with being a waiter for a while? Where out West? California? Denver? Seattle? All of these will be expensive and who knows how long friends are willing to help out. Maybe a week or two, but then he probably needs to start paying rent.
  3. What is he trying to achieve out West? Finding himself? Any opportunities? A change of life?
17

You need to read the TERMS of the loans. Fo government funded Direct Loans in HIS name, he gets a six month grace period before his first payment is due.

You need to look at the provisions of the private loans you co-signed to see the terms of repayment for THOSE loans.

Don’t assume anything…because loan terms vary in terms of repayment.

18

He has never done anything like this. Typical oldest child. Straight and narrow. Never got into any trouble. Doesn’t do drugs/smoke/drink. Doesn’t/never had a GF. He’s having a ‘mid-life crisis’ and does not enjoy school. He’s never stepped outside of the box so to speak and he just wants to change direction. My husband has been so firm, even firmer than me and I’m the strict one of the two. We didn’t think he’d abandon ship this early as over break he did share a lot of what he is going thru, reasons he doesn’t like his school etc. but we thought a transfer would be his answer. We are not planning to buy a car, he will walk and have to figure out the transit system where he goes. We do not want to alienate him either as I want to know where he is and how he is doing. So I’m straddling the fence with him after expressing my disappointment. Thank you all for your feedback. It is really appreciated.

19

I doesn’t sound like they are worried about the loans, but yes, understanding terms are important. It may be shocking, but some people with lots and lots of money take out loans so they do not have the cash outlay at that moment in time, but when it comes to paying them off, have no problem. The panic over loans for college has always baffled me, but I think people only understand their financial situation. Sometimes it is the right thing to do with money tied up in other investments. Just don’t think beating them up on the loans is what they need right now. Information on them, yes. Blanket judgments, no.

While shocking and disappointing, some of the most successful people have made moves like this. Hopefully he is driven at what he wants to do, maybe he just wants to get to it? Entertainment, certain computer specialists - some of the most successful don’t have to have college behind them. It is ok to be on your own schedule, and not on the one imposed by society. If he can support it, or you want to help him, that is up to you. It could be he is just lost and and needs to find himself and doesn’t want to do it at college. Maybe a break is better than spending four years lost at college, idk. But it sounds like he is searching for something. I would want to help him figure out what, like you are doing rather than just send him to exile.

I would focus on making a clean exit from college - he needs to do this and not just abandon things - if/when he wants to return anywhere.

20

Think of the guts it takes to do this. Buy him a surf board and wish him luck. School will be there when he’s done.