Freshman - Right fit

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

My daughter was accepted to five top boarding schools (full scholarships). Due to the pandemic we could not physically visit schools last year and get the full experience of each school to make the best decisions. We decided on a school in the New England area. She is an honor roll student but I now feel that the school we decided on may not the right fit for her, due to the rigor. Since, I have doubts would it be a good idea to not enroll her at this schools a freshman and start the application process to other schools for her sophmore year that may be a better fit for her overall?

2

Here is the missing piece from your post: what does she think?

I will paraphrase what I wrote on your last thread. If the student is admitted, the school believes the student will succeed.

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3

She wants to attend but she is confused as well. She likes the school a lot but is a little worried about the academics. She wants to be challenged but not beyond stressed to where she will miss out on the whole boarding school life.

4

Unless there is more to the story, you are describing nerves and imposter syndrome. Both are normal

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I was thinking it was our nerves especially since it’s almost time to move in.

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To which schools was she accepted ? (No need to identify which one she selected.)

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Deerfield, Choate, Middleaex, Lville, NMH

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Clearly she can do the work if accepted to the 5 great schools. You’re overthinking IMO

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Sometimes the schools just got it wrong. I don’t think others can dismiss OP’s legitimate concerns. They know themselves better than the outsiders.

I’d say reaching out to a few current students and parents to hear their experience. Every school should have a group of students and parents willing to help the newcomers.

It could very well be overthinking. Kids have potentials beyond what they know about themselves. Talking to more people may help.

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10

With 5 acceptances to elite prep boarding schools, it seems clear to me that the schools think that the student is capable of doing the work.

Do you have a concern based on your daughter’s SSAT score ?

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My kids felt that way - they were scared that they weren’t prepared and wouldn’t be able to keep up with their peers. It’s normal. However, my kids aren’t the type that need to get straight As in all subjects in order to feel validated. As a result, they didn’t feel overwhelmed, enjoyed their classes and generally got As and Bs.

Having said that, all of the schools you listed will have academic support in place to ensure that students who need help can get it. I think withdrawing may give your daughter the wrong message. Sometimes you have to press on even though it might be scary. If you agree with her fears, her takeaway might be that you aren’t confident she can succeed.

I would encourage your daughter to at least try the school. If things don’t work out, she can transfer or withdraw and apply somewhere else for next year.

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She didn’t have to take the SSAT last year because the schools were test optional but she did take it the previous year and it was a bit low. Her GPA was a 3.75 throughout middle school.

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At all of the listed schools, there will be students who scored in the 60s on the SSAT. And, yes, there will be students who scored in the 90s. So, if your daughter is anywhere in between,she should do well if she does all of the assigned work.

If your daughter is concerned, then the best way to deal with fear is hard work & determination.

The main difference between attending a local high school and a well respected prep boarding school is that the prep boarding school students have less time to goof-off & must do their homework. Boarding school students are very involved in their school community. Lots of friends who are experiencing similar feelings. Some kids are great at math,others at sports, some at theater, etc. It is a community. Every person has strengths & weaknesses & every student will do their homework.

P.S. With respect to academic rigor: Everyone is in the same boat & everyone learns to adjust to the academic expectations. Better to learn good study habits now then later at college.

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I agree. Thank you for the insight. Yes she scored in the 70th percentile.

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Also what’s the goal? Is it maintaining straight A or graduating in the top half? Will she be okay if she is not a top 10% student? What she hopes to achieve will affect her experience. Having a realistic goal helps.

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Unless something has changed since she applied that would have an impact, relax! Her school thinks she’s capable, and she will be.

I think everyone worries about some part of the high school transition-- even if it’s from your local middle school to your local high school. If your concerns are specific, talk about them. Let her know that all As in the hardest classes is no longer realistic. Let her know that she should ask for help. Let her know friend groups shift over time and that she may not find her “home” instantaneously.

There are a handful of kids who transfer every year - some back home to a day school, some to other BS. If it’s really wrong, that’s an option. There are several parents on these boards who have been through that.

One last thing - if your D took the SSAT once then didn’t do it again because of availability or because it wasn’t required - you may not want to compare that score to what you see as the norm as in a normal year as many students will retest and improve their scores.

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To the OP - believe me, many of us have had similar worries and understand concerns @ if we chose the right school. :roll_eyes:
Both @UltimaCroix and
@gardenstategal know I still wonder and Golfkiddo is a Senior!

  1. Did your kiddo take placement tests in the Spring? What was your kiddo’s feedback?

  2. Schools will place the student in what they believe to be the appropriate level of each core course. The placement tests in Math & Foreign Language (for example), help with this. For example, your kid might be strong in math and have the right classes completed to be placed in Algebra 2- Honors. On the other hand, maybe skills are not so solid and needs to review math concepts - so the school will place your student in a less rigorous course. Ditto with your kid’s foreign language.

  3. Boarding schools have a drop-add period (our school has 2 weeks), so if your kiddo is sinking there is time to change level of course rigor. TRUTH MISSILE: Many many students drop/add or change the level of their course - especially Freshman year. This policy is there for a reason. It is par for the course (a little :golf: humor).

  4. I have not heard of anyone leaving my student’s school because of academic rigor. Yes - it is a fast pace and the work is challenging, but everyone is in the same boat (except for a handful of hyper-focused “pointy” kids who do not do sports).

The AO’s do a good job of selecting students who are academically strong. Don’t worry! We have heard, however, of kids leaving school because of psycho-social reasons, booze, drugs, sex after hours, harboring a college girl in their dorm room, etc :sweat_smile:

  1. Schools have support systems in place for students who need peer tutoring or extra help. You will learn about this at orientation. Encourage your student to utilize the supports that are at your school. Make friends with peer tutors - they can also give you inside info re: which teachers and courses to choose next year.

  2. Go to office hours! At the schools on your list, teachers have regular office hours. Unlike in middle school, in boarding school the “smart”kids go to office hours for help and to get a leg up. Take advantage of this prime opportunity to meet with the teacher. It is often where important information about subjects and about test/project prep is shared.

  3. Advisors play an important role in your student’s life at BS (well, they should :roll_eyes:. Your kid’s advisor will meet with advisees usually once a week in a group (maybe more). The advisor will watch over your kiddo and provide direction for class changes, support services, tutoring, and guidance.

  4. The school really wants your student to succeed.

  5. TRUTH MISSILE #2: It’s understandable to feel anxious and have doubts right before drop off, but PLEASE do not let your kiddo know how anxious you are. Please be careful not to dump the doubts, fears, agita, or worry on your kiddo. Your kid needs to know that you have every confidence that they will succeed. Be positive (even if it’s acting).

  • You can vent it all to us….hey, and if your kid is heading to Deerfield I will even buy you one of their famous Deerfield martini’s after drop off!
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