<p>My son is a freshman at a small private college an hour away from home. He was diagnosed with depression last year. He has been suicidal at times in the past, and cuts himself when he can't handle his depression symptoms. I found out he cut himself yesterday and I'm not sure what to do. He is on antidepressants, he is going to classes, he is an athlete and is going to all of his practices. He has already dropped one of his classes because he was so far behind there was no way he can catch up. I feel like college is the best place for him if he can just get through this adjustment period. If he comes home like he wants to, it's not going to be the same. His friends are gone and life has gone on. On the other hand, I love him so much and want him alive! Any suggestions?</p>
<p>Hugs to you, this must be so difficult for you. Your instincts are probably right, helping him to adjust to college life will be better for him in the long run. But you must be sure that he is safe! I would get in contact with the coach, RA and anyone else you can think of to keep a close eye on him. Will he seek help from health services? If not, does the team have an academic advisor? The advisor might be able to convince your son to seek help. </p>
<p>Thank God you found out about this. I wish you and your son the best in this difficult situation.</p>
<p>I think many parents who post on CC answer threads about kids having difficulty adjusting with “encourage them to hang in there” advice. However, when someone’s mental health is involved, I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do. I know how exciting the senior year of high school is for parents–all the fun of applying, hand-wringing over acceptances, excrutiating waiting, excitement when your child makes the final decision. It would be very difficult to think that you’re throwing all of that away. It’s just that your son sounds fragile. Particularly if he has been suicidal in the past, and because he really wants to come home, I’d seriously consider letting him withdraw. There’s lots of time to go to college. Not everybody is on the same timetable. If he feels like he’s ready in the spring, or next year, or the year after that, maybe that’s a better idea. This kid is crying for help.</p>
<p>I think in this case, a parent may not have an objective viewpoint. I really think you need the advice and guidance of a mental health professional. Remember, mental illness is bio-chemical and just learning to “adjust” may not be enough. I would start by getting the mental health center at the college involved.</p>
<p>I don’t know what you should do, but I might consider having him see a doctor just to verify that he is on the correct dose of his medication. </p>
<p>Hugs</p>
<p>I agree that having him just “adjust” and “stick with it” may not be the best decision. I was in a very serious mental health situation first semester freshman year, and the best thing I did was to remove myself from the college environment and seek treatment at home. For some kids, it’s not just normal adjustment and homesickness. With the history of depression here, I would be very careful. 18-year-old college freshmen don’t have the best sense of perspective yet. In my case, I was able to successfully return to college a few years later.</p>
<p>I would echo GTalum. Who is prescribing his anti-depressants? If it’s a psychiatrist, you should alert him/her to the cutting. If it’s a primary care physician, you should talk to him/her but I would consider having a psychiatrist do an evaluation and be the person prescribing – I would strongly urge that. Also, he should have a therapist to talk to. Those two people – treating physician and therapist – should be consulted as to what is best. Even if he is eighteen, it might be a good idea to ask your son to include him in on a session or release the provider to speak with you. And regardless, you can give information to a treating professional, even if they can’t speak with you. If the mental health professional deems that your son is a danger to himself, he/she can break confidentiality to keep him safe.</p>
<p>{{hugs}} to you GiftofKids. This is hard. I concur with others - I’d try to find a local therapist who can prescribe (or a therapist AND someone local to monitor his meds). We went through this last year when D was a first-year and it was difficult but not impossible to find professionals near her school. We are hundreds of miles away but luckily this was unfolding right before Parents Weekend and we were able to schedule an initial appointment with the psychiatrist while we were in town. Your S’s situation sounds more urgent, so I wouldn’t hesitate to intervene, especially if you are only an hour away.</p>
<p>You mentioned he was an athlete. Is his coach aware of his mental issues? Who is monitoring his drug use and his counseling? Does the college know that he had issues coming in, are the RAs watching hiim and do they have services he can tap into? I would have to believe that you covered all these things before you sent him off, but if not, I’d be on the phone tapping everything I could tap at the college if you feel that is a better place for him. If not, yes, I think college needs to wait abit until he is in a better mental place.</p>
<p>Hugs to you and sorry for the situation. Can your son come home to see the doctor who prescribed the medication? The doctor should know if your son is having symptoms of depression. It can be very difficult to tell what are signs of typical homesickness or difficulty adjusting to being away and what are signs of a more serious depression. Can he come home for a weekend or does his practice get in the way of that? Perhaps knowing he can come home will help. Your son may be reluctant to confide in anyway at college, especially the coach, but he really needs to be closely monitored and to be sure his medication needs have not changed.</p>
<p>I would add that the introduction of drugs and/or alcohol to an individual who is on medication for any mood disorder can be a recipe for disaster. How confident are you that he is taking his medication as directed? I don’t want to stereotype all college students as party animals but in my experience it is often something that many kids choose to experiment with. I would consult with his prescribing physician as well as the therapist that he saw at home and look into bringing him home for a mini-break to have a professional that he already has a relationship with assess the situation. This isn’t something to fool around with (but I know you know that) and far better to react with caution and care. If he has a hx of suicidal behavior I don’t think there is any question as to what I would do (and, full disclosure, I am a mental health professional).</p>
<p>This is related to his known illness, not the usual college adjustment issues (even if they exacerbated it)- treat his mental as you would any chronic physical illness. This means making sure he is “plugged into” the system at school as well as at home. Check with his local provider and his college for advice. Privacy laws prohibit some things but someone should be able to tell you what you can tell your son to do to get taken care of. I just read post #11. I’m a physician, different specialty. You now have different people telling you to contact his providers et al. Please do so today.</p>
<p>This is a very timely discussion. D’s background is very close to the OP. I keep wondering if the homesick issues are adjustment ones as well. Depression a year ago (previous history of cutting), currently on meds…top student on merit scholarship and a musician going to all practices. Seems to be studying all the time, joined clubs and all the other stuff seems right. Yet, just told me that she was terribly homesick and stressed out. No reports of cutting tho.
How do you know the difference between adjustment and previous issues (albeit unrelated to college experience)?</p>
<p>GiftofKids - I sent you a PM. Good luck.</p>
<p>Visit your kid at college. Look into your kid’s eyes. Look at your child’s body language.
Read and listen between the lines. Don’t sit back and wonder what state of mind your child is in. If you have a gut feeling that there is even the slightest chance of their change in mental state being due to an underlying diagnosis of depression, don’t sit home hoping that they’ll tough it out until Thanksgiving. Go visit them. See their demeanor in their college setting with your own eyes.</p>
<p>3bysmom’s post was my thinking, exactly. College kids experiment with alcohol. Antidepressants and alcohol are a very bad combo that can land a kid in the hospital.<br>
The fact that your boy is cutting tells you that he is overstressed and doesn’t have good ways of dealing with that stress. Listen to your son. If he wants to come home even knowing that all of his friends are gone and it won’t be the same, which you can bet he does, that tells you something important.
My advice would be to let him withdraw for the semester and come home and have him evaluated and treated by a cognitive behavioral therapist.<br>
College will be there when he’s healthy. It’s not going anywhere.</p>
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<p>Excellent advice. I SO should have done that last year. Also, visit his room.</p>
<p>^^^I would say, if he’s cutting presently, you don’t really need to look into his eyes. You already know he’s not well and needs help. I would not leave this up to the university to provide the help. It’s just not going to be adequate.</p>
<p>moonchild, My point is: Don’t wait until the next academic break to see your kid. If you have any suspicion at all that your child is dealing with something more than the typical dose of homesickness (especially if he/she has a pre-existing diagnosis), don’t wait. Get in your car or on the plane and go visit your child.</p>
<p>Since he is only an hour away, is it possible for him to move back home and continue to take classes? Withdrawing completely may just increase his depression and sense of failure. You could get him back into a healthy regime and he could stay on pace academically.</p>