<p>I would go get my son and meet with his Dean to explain why your son needs a leave of absence for at least this week. Take him to see his psychiatrist and therapist. They are in the best position to advise the next steps.</p>
<p>Emphasis to your son that this is not quitting and it’s not home sickness that you are reacting too. His depression is not being controlled well right now and as with any chronic illness one much manage that first. It’s the mature and responsible thing to do and give him a lot of credit for having the courage to be honest, to ask for help.</p>
<p>I’m so glad that your son has such a loving, concerned parent in you.</p>
<p>I was shocked when my younger D mentioned that an acquaintance/facebook friend cuts. I didn’t even know that she knew what that was. So I can (unfortunately) verify what compmom said - not seen as a big deal, even if it should be.</p>
<p>The poster did not say it was normal, she said in her area it is common, which I can believe. I think it’s more common than most people think, and since cutters (or those who burn) often hide their injuries or choose parts of the body that are not normally visible, you might have no idea that someone is cutting. Yes, someone who is cutting needs help. It is true that it’s sometimes done as a release or as a way of feeling something, as opposed to being a suicide gesture, but it should always be taken seriously.</p>
<p>I agree that for many adolescents, self-injury (cutting being the most common) is a form of stress relief and does not necessarily indicate suicidal thoughts nor is it to be considered a suicidal gesture. That said, if the OP’s S is using that as his means of stress relief (with a strong hx of depression and suicidal behavior) then he needs to be in therapy along with the medication he is already on. Many people assume that the meds will take care of the problem but as many posters have said, there is a vital symbiotic relationship between medication and therapy. He needs to learn what his triggers are and how to manage the things that “get him down”. I have seen so many high school students go to college with a prescription in their wallet, leaving their parents and support system (including the therapist with whom they have built a trusting therapeutic relationship) behind to start off on the this grand new venture, forgetting that you generally don’t leave your mental health challenges and vulnerabilities behind. I hope we aren’t scaring the OP, but I also hope she/he is hearing our concern coming through loud and clear.</p>
<p>Yes calmom came back and clarified what the intent of her comments were. Glad to hear people more knowledgeable than I say that it does not necessary mean suicidal thoughts, but I still hate to hear any language that “diminishes” the fragile mental state of someone who would self mutilate “as a form of stress relief.”</p>
<p>We also live an hour away. I am bringing mine home overnight so I can look her in the eye. Depression in teens is often hard to read—even when you see them on a daily basis. I agree, cutting is common, but it is not normal. I was horrified to find out my D was cutting 2 years ago. It was certainly a cry for help. I don’t think it requires hospitalization but suicidal thinking is a very serious issue and may require it. </p>
<p>When you lack that daily contact, you lose the ability to observe your child. Phone calls, texts, emails are not enough. I suggest to the OP that he bring his S home for a weekend or the week and make an appointment with the psychiatrist or therapist who he normally sees. That trusted professional would know. A new therapist isn’t going to get very far with an immediate evaluation. Some kids do not open up to just anyone.</p>
<p>Important correction w/apologies to the poster: the son did cut himself once recently. </p>
<p>I think that the original post shows a lot of balance and courage in that the parent is still holding on to the hope that college is the best place for him right now. The initial month of such a big transition might cause a setback, but until she sees him and until he is evaluated, I admire the parent for thinking about him “staying on the horse” so to speak. But if he has to get off, this parent seems like a supportive, loving, smart person who will make that move okay for the son, in the short and long term.</p>
<p>I don’t usually post this much, but one more thing: it really helps to encourage connections on campus to slowly replace (or supplement) support at home. This can take years, but it does help, even in the beginning.</p>
<p>-a counselor at the college (while keeping the psychiatrist at home)
-possible therapy groups for students dealing with depression or anxiety, very helpful, usually once or twice a week
-working with the disabilities office so that accommodations are available (extensions on papers, excused absences for a trip home, etc.; they do not reveal the reason, only that the student is registered with them and has provided documentation of their condition)
-working with an administrator (in our daughter’s college, a “dean”) who can stay aware of the situation w/out being intrusive, and can communicate with professors on the accommodations (“Please give Johnny a two day extension on the paper due to a health concern”)
-have the son sign papers so the parents can be kept in the loop and so various people at the college can communicate with them
-over time, making friends is really helpful: in our experience, many kids are quite helpful to each other, going so far as to get a friend to a counselor when needed</p>
<p>I agree we need to encourage our children to separate-but the OP says he has a history of suicidal thoughts, has recently cut himself, is overwhelmed-all these things would be very alarming to me as a parent as I know they are to the OP.</p>
<p>I already was clear what I would do-I would bring my son home ASAP and get him to his medical doctor and his psychiatrist. If they felt hospitalization was necessary I would do that- and believe me with the way health insurance plans cover (or really DON’T cover mental health issues) no one is getting hospitalized anymore unless they can justify it.</p>
<p>Cutting is very common around here-even at the Middle School level. As someone said, even though it is common it is really self-mutilation and any kid using that as stress relief has some serious issues. I am not saying they are doomed-as someone else said most kids move past this behavior at some point.</p>
<p>I would echo previous posters that were this my child I would want him home no matter what the consequences. </p>
<p>Please be aware that all antidepressants have Black Box Warnings from the FDA regarding increased risk of suicidality in adolescents and young adults. This is the strongest warning that can be issued about a medication. Those using these drugs must be closely monitored, preferably by a mental health professional.</p>
<p>To Compmom and others who have spoken about getting the school involved: I PM’d this to the OP, but thought that I should share this with you as well. Once a school has a hint that a student might have suicidal thoughts, their response may be to require him to leave immediately. My son drew a stick figure of a person in a noose on the paper of test he bombed. Without anyone EVER talking to my son, the test paper went from the prof to the academic sucess office to the counseling center to the dean of students, who called me and told me I had to pick him up immediately and that he was not allowed to return to school without a psychiatrist’s note.</p>
<p>MissiePie, I don’t know how colleges would view the one-time cutting behavior, but, as many of us said, it is not always a sign of being suicidal.</p>
<p>It seems that kids who actually try suicide are gone instantly, but there is so much depression and self-abuse on campuses, that, without the actual attempt, at least some schools do let the kids stay on condition of counseling.</p>
<p>If a student or family openly goes through channels and is honest with the school (though kids know not to mention suicidal thoughts, generally), it can be a sign of cooperation and desire to get better, that sometimes works in keeping the kid there.</p>
<p>But you are right: there is that chance that the student will get sent home (whether a good thing or a bad thing) and schools get very concerned about liability with these situations.</p>
<p>So good point, but I still think being open with the school and seeking supports there is a good way to go.</p>