<p>To surprise his girlfiend since he has no class on Monday. I would prefer he stay at college to continue to get used to his new environment. They are having an activties fair Sunday where all the campus clubs will be recruiting. I would like in to get involved with one or two of those. We only dropped him off a week ago. I feel uncomfortable saying no, but I want him to get involved in his new life. He has a break in October for a week so he can seeher then. He will also see her on the 18th since she is visiting a college near him and will drop in on him. His girlfriend is a senior in high school. Any advice?</p>
<p>Does he have a car or does he need a ride? If he needs a ride, that makes it simple. If he has his own car, it’s kind of hard to really be able to keep him from coming home, but I will say that one of D’s friends on her campus can’t come home because his parents won’t give him money for gas ;)</p>
<p>I would also want him to stay on campus for the activity fair.</p>
<p>he needs a ride, but he could also take the train, college is about 2 1/2 hours away.</p>
<p>How about helping his GF surprise him on campus on Saturday instead? If you can set it up, it might be the best of both worlds! Could you talk GFs family in to bringing her to campus for her birthday, or would they allow you to do it as a birthday treat for her?</p>
<p>Lots of kids come home for Labor Day weekend celebrations and then there are those who stay to celebrate on campus. Kind of a “pick your poison” choice.</p>
<p>Given your locations … I would absolutely NOT drive him back to campus on Monday. I have a personal allergy to Long Island traffic on even non-holiday weekends.</p>
<p>I like the idea of bringing GF up for the day on Saturday … but the activities fair is something a freshman should attend.</p>
<p>Don’t do it. He’ll be MUCH better off in the long run being around and fully immersed in campus life instead of jetting away from campus constantly to see his HS girlfriend whom in all honesty he will likely not be with by Christmas anyway. If he’s committed enough for it to be worth seeing her, he’s committed enough to take the train to her.</p>
<p>I too would encourage him to stay for the activities fair. I also like the idea of briging up the girlfriend but is there a place nearby where you could make yourself invisible. If there is a shopping mall that you could go to for a few hours so he could show her around and spend some time with her. I remember doing something similar when my daughters boyfriend went away to school. It makes good sense and he still has his whole weekend to do what he needs to do on campus.</p>
<p>Arbitor…you just never know where these highschool romances lead to. My daughter had a wonderful boyfriend in highschool and they broke up when my daughter was midway through her freshman year and he was in his second year. Thye got back together this May and they are very serious from what I gather.</p>
<p>My two cents…
Your son cares about his girlfriend, and wants to express that. You may wish to review options as to ways he can express that caring, and then let him determine what is best for him. If you do not wish to drive, then let him know that. In a conversation such as this, you are recognizing he is a young adult-showing compassion and support.
If he feels YOU feel there are “no wrong answers”, then he might surprise you with his decision.
-APOL-a Mum</p>
<p>I find this a little bit ridiculous for it to be an issue. Why does he need to get ‘used’ to college now? He’s got 4 years of it left… he’ll get used to it eventually.</p>
<p>Sometimes I don’t get this kinda stuff. If he wants to then really the only thing you can do is let him. He’s… what, 18 years old? What will he be missing while he’s away from college, a few activities? Doesn’t seem like he’ll be missing much, this stuff happens all the time at college. I mean I can’t even see how this is an issue to be honest…</p>
<p>It’s really up to him but I would not provide transportation nor would I pay for a train ticket.</p>
<p>Well, his hallmates are from all over the country and even international, none will be going home so I thought this would be a good bonding period since classes have just started and there is less stress on everyone. I told him that it would be best for him to stay and gave my reasons. We will see him parents weekend(25-26), he will be home for October break(1 week), Thanksgiving and the 5 weeks over winter break and for 2 weeks for March break.</p>
<p>I can relate as a parent-chauffeur, but I can also empathize with him, having once been a young man with a girlfriend in high school. My suggestion is that you separate the two decisions – let him decide whether he wants to come home or stay on campus. And you decide whether you want to drive. If you don’t, then there’s the train. I disagree with those who recommend trying to get the gf up to college – let the two of them figure that out and let him decide about the clubs fair.</p>
<p>Our family policy was that for freshman year no one was to come home until fall break. The first several weeks of school are when friendships and social patterns are established and we thought it very important for our students to establish their campus lives without reinforcing any homesickness tendencies by coming home. They would joke about us to our friends about “not allowing” them to come home. It was true (an exception would have been made for illness).<br>
D1’s school eliminated the Labor Day holiday because they saw a correlation between freshman going home for that weekend and an increased rate in the dropout rate. Some one in the school’s administration told her that fact.</p>
<p>I agree with post #11. I wouldn’t provide the ride or any funding for this trip home. When our kids were in college, we paid for trips home on school vacations ONLY. Any other “travel” was funded by the college student. We would drive them to the bus station…but that was IT.</p>
<p>That is interesting hoosiermom and thats how I feel about the first several weeks. His school gives plenty of time off. I just feel bad telling him no but I really feel it is to his benefit to stay on campus.</p>
<p>I agree. The first few weeks of freshman year are a unique time for settling in and finding friends.</p>
<p>I also agree with hoosiermom. We told older daughter she could not come home for a month (we were an hour away - we could have visited her if she got lonely). That’s when she bonded with her friends, who did not go home.</p>
<p>He is now part of a new community. To fully participate in and quickly become a functioning member of that new community, he needs to be there during this, the first “holiday” that community experiences together. He is, perhaps, unusual in that he has family relatively nearby.</p>
<p>You can tell him that. You can urge him to stay. But, in the end, you cannot force your will on him, because he has independent travel options. If he chooses to go home, he is your family and I am sure you will welcome him.</p>
<p>I haven’t really worried about this kind of thing. Eventually, they stop coming home, believe me. </p>
<p>Some kids need to go, then come home, then go, then come home after a longer interval, then go etc. It can just be an individual way of handling the transition. Others feel more comfortable never coming home because they have trouble with the back and forth. Kids have strong natural drives for independence, which I think can be trusted, at least, most of the time.</p>
<p>As for girlfriends, my middle child is a junior at college and 3 of her friends are still seeing their high school girl or boyfriend, and these relationships seem to be a major source of support during this transitional time in their lives.</p>