<p>I wasn't a social guy in high school and I'm trying to change that in college. I go to UC Berkeley, and I'm trying to talk to people. It seems to be working with guys. However, whenever I say hi to a girl they assume I'm hitting on them. Some girl spread some rumors about me that I was an aggressive ******* because I hit on her over the summer and she didn't like how I looked. Because of this a lot of girls in my building don't even want to give me a chance to be friends with them. My roommates aren't friends with me but I'm ok with that since they are moderately respectful. I've never been able to make friends with any girls because they assume I'm a ******bag because I'm shy, I workout and I have a deep voice. I'm sick of having this problem. How I can change how I'm viewed?</p>
<p>How did you say hi to the girl? Did you know the girl that you said hi to?</p>
<p>I’m just saying hi to them when I see them in the hallway. When I’m in the study lounge, I try to start conversations with them. I don’t know why girls think I’m hitting on them. I’m just trying to talk to them. It’s frustrating because I come off as a creepy guy when I’m just trying to talk. I wish this wasn’t the case. I’m just trying to learn how to socialize with people and I keep getting misinterpreted because I don’t have the best social skills.</p>
<p>Well how do you say hi to the them? Are you looking at you when you say hi to them? What are their reactions when you say hi? How do you try and start conversations with girls?</p>
<p>Yes I make eye contact with them. I say hi how are you doing or how was your day. Then I try to take it from there. I never get a smile from they and I never get any enthusiasm. Maybe it’s because of my monotonous deep voice and the fact that I’m not funny. I’m not even an ugly guy. I don’t know why they don’t reciprocate in the conversation. I always have to ask all the questions and do all the talking. It’s making me so frustrated.</p>
<p>…i just ask girls to go study…
and then i go study with them…
then whether or not we have similar interests…then we become friends or not…
either way i still study with them</p>
<p>i find it easier to talk to girls when you have a purpose to talk to them rather than just talking to them about nothing…(by nothing i mean small talk about life, etc)</p>
<p>i find its hard to talk to girls in study lounges because really…theyre there to study their own stuff which usually is completely different subject than what youre study
or theyre there to meet someone already</p>
<p>try talking to people in your classes or clubs…that way you dont come off as a weirdo just trying to talk to everyone for no reason</p>
<p>just because you live in the same building or see them everyday doesnt mean theyre going to be your friends…</p>
<p>you go to uc berkley? wow you must be a smart guy.</p>
<p>anyways, I can kind of picture what is happening. </p>
<p>so you are walking up to a girl that YOU DON’T KNOW AT ALL and trying to start a conversation like “hey, how was your day?”</p>
<p>I mean, are the girls even in your classes? people normally find it weird when strangers come up to them and try to force start a conversation, especially when the stranger doesn’t have a specific purpose for talking to them. </p>
<p>If a girl is in one of your classes, then you can naturally start a conversation by asking her a question like “hey, you’re in my class, right? do you know how to do this problem?” and maybe comment on the teacher’s teaching style and how you find it difficult to learn from him. then thank her for her help. And then start talking about whatever else.</p>
<p>If you are walking up to strangers and start saying “hey. how was your day?” then I can definitely see how people would interpret that as “hitting on them.”</p>
<p>just don’t try too hard. be relaxed.</p>
<p>^Good point. Maybe I have to be patient and naturally meet people. I’m trying too hard to make female friends I think.</p>
<p>bump, any other suggestions?</p>
<p>I would just agree that the key is doing activities with people. Join a club or extra curricular activity that both girls and guys do… like a coed team sport, or social dance,or a political, religious or social club. Then you’d have a regular activity to start to meet some people you’d share experiences with. Meeting people in classes is fine, too of course. “Hang out” situations, like a study lounge probably aren’t the best way to meet people. Parties can work too… but women are more wary of being hit on. Oh and also if you do have guy friends, perhaps they will - in time - introduce you to girls they know where they can sort of give a reference that you are a nice guy. Good luck.</p>
<p>Join a club. Get on a committe. Take on a project within the club.</p>
<p>I remember you. You’re the guy obsessed with being taller & think all women are shallow.</p>
<p>As I and others have told you (a thread was deleted, I think?), you seem to have a disdain for women and it must be completely obvious to them as well in person. Until your attitude’s adjusted, I really don’t see a change in the foreseeable future.</p>
<p>I knew a guy who could similarly say, I’m just trying to start a convo with them. The issue was, we felt he was trying to “glom” onto us. Not hit on us, but detain us, make the decision for us that we wanted to talk with him, get into details, spend the time.</p>
<p>I don’t know how right johnson is, but give the others breathing space.</p>
<p>^This is a good point. I think I tend to be doing this. So how do I not do this? Do I just say hi and start with small talk, and if she’s not enthusiastic I stop the conversation. And Johnson, sometimes I’m frustrated and it seems like I hate women, but I really don’t. I want to get taller because that’s what women are attracted to. Since women are the ones who choose and men have to “sell” to them, women have higher standards and are therefore more shallow than men are.</p>
<p>Hmmm sounds like you are coming across to the ladies as working to hard. Just be yourself like you are with the guys. If you’re not overly social, then don’t pretend to be. Women are very intuitive (more so than men) and so they can see right through you. Besides many woman prefer the “cool and collected” type don’t ya know!
Good luck!</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.collegetocareers.com%5B/url%5D”>http://www.collegetocareers.com</a></p>
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<p>Yeah, that’s another thing you might think about stopping doing.</p>
<p>Just say smile and say hi. No small talk. No beady eye-to-eye mind meld thing, just a glance. No puppy dog. Just hi and get back to what you were doing.</p>
<p>If you are saying you are naturally shy, this attempt to start small talk is probably off. You may need to reduce it to the simple greeting for a good while, to overcome the impression you may have made. Think about it, what if some girl buttonholed you, everytime she saw you, wanted you to stop and converse? What if she were someone you had no connection to, no interest in, but she persisted? </p>
<p>Btw, many women feel men are the ones who “choose” and shallow about appearance and the “prize” aspects.</p>
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You really don’t get it, do you? That’s such a ridiculous statement to make. As lookingforward says, many women feel the opposite.</p>
<p>My point, yet again: these women can clearly see your disdain and judgement towards them. No wonder they won’t hold deep conversations with you.</p>
<p>I won’t even get into how ridiculous it is that you think 5’7’’ is too short and no girls will ever like you because of that.</p>
<p>If your view is that women are choosing (not both mutually choosing, after all you pick who to talk to) then you may be talking to the wrong women. Especially at Berkeley, where the only commonality you all have is you’re relatively smart, (since it’s a big school, smaller schools = more likely to have something in common since you picked the same school) you need to be talking to women in your classes, in clubs, in your immediate social group, etc. not random women who won’t think they have any commonalities.</p>
<p>lol just want some simplepickup vids on youtube, they were made your “type” of persona</p>