<p>Wow! I can't believe in a little over a month freshman year will be over for S1.</p>
<p>What are some of your thrills, disappointments and surprises that you've witnessed with your college newcomers?</p>
<p>For us I think the best thing was to see how quickly he adapted. I was worried about him liking it and fitting in etc. But he found a great EC group and a great group of dorm friends. And even though grades could have been a little better first semester they are really looking good second semester.</p>
<p>Some small disappointments include the lack of communication, and then even when he does call he doesn't divulge much. Also he's still grasping for a direction on a major -- he has a few thoughts but nothing concrete yet. </p>
<p>Year started fine for my S1. He loved welcome week, became a greeter at the football games, and his 1Q grades were pretty good. He didn’t make any good friends which worried me, but seems okay with that. Sent e-mails about welcome week every day so I assumed that he would keep me informed with what was happening, but was lucky to get a phone call once a week. Overall I think he had a pretty good experience, that is until Spring Break. Got sick when he was home, went to the ER and was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. He’s back at school now and seems to be coping well. I’m the one having the hard time worrying with him being far away. We’ve already sent in a room deposit for next year so he plans to go back which is good news for all of us.</p>
<p>My D is the queen of text messages. She calls every other week or so, but I get quick texts almost every day. Today, the text was “I only have 25 swipes left on my meal plan!” And 4 weeks left of classes. Guess she’ll be eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly in the dorm!</p>
<p>But I learned how independent my D is this year. She has embraced living in a major city and has explored it all. She has also snagged 2 internships (one for summer and one for next school year) with no prodding from home. I’m loving this “grown up” kid.</p>
<p>Bad and good. Luckily the bad stuff is in the past. My daughter had problems with her roommates and neighbors who liked to party too much and treated her badly (very clique-ish - no time for non-partiers). She found some wonderful new friends, however, as well as becoming involved in a few groups on campus. Her grades are great - yay! I think the best part of the year is that she uncovered a little bit more of who she is and feels stronger and more directed as a result of that. She’s growing up. Looking forward to sophomore year!</p>
<p>S2 is happy as a clam. Not stellar grades but he does seem to be figuring out his strengths. He’s at a smaller, happy college and I am so glad he’s out of the rat race that dominated too much of high school.</p>
<p>D has had a wonderful experience. It’s almost exactly a year ago that she learned she “had to attend” her safety. You know, the school she said she would “never” attend. The first day of orientation they all shared war stories of their rejections from Ivies, and the second day they looked at each other and said, “This will be okay!” </p>
<p>She’s made terrific friends, has been challenged academically, and gotten involved in many extracurriculars, including being named to a committee newly formed to address an issue related to her major. Only 15 students were invited to join, so on a campus of 6,000, we thought that was impressive.</p>
<p>Then two months ago she decided to change her major. If I thought this school was the best place for her before, I now was thoroughly convinced that it really was the best. Any of the other schools she applied to did not have the stellar program her current school does. I read on these boards last year that our kids end up at the best school for them, but I didn’t believe it. Now I do!</p>
<p>She has grown and matured, and we can see shades of the fine young lady that she is becoming. She will be attending summer session to take courses to get caught up in her new major, so we will continue to miss her over the summer. But she is so excited about the opportunities ahead for her.</p>
<p>DD had a stellar first semester (grade wise). She never did this well in HS. She got sick at the beginning of second semester (mono) and has been playing catch-up ever since. Still, as long as she passes, I’m happy.</p>
<p>Any advise for 11" parents? Is there anything we can do to make a difference in their new lives? or should we just stand back and cheer from the sidelines?</p>
<p>My son signed up for a couple of courses that he knew would be difficult. One has the reputation for being fantastic, but an enormous time sink. But it’s a place where you not only meet the movers and shakers of the topic of the year (Nuclear issues this year), but you are pushed into talking to them and making connections. They really get taught to network. It’s sucked up all his free time, but he loves it and is doing very well in it. He spent time in Pakistan and India doing research over winter break with a stipend from the Institute that sponsors the course. Arabic has been tough - he has no natural facility for languages, but he’s kept his head mostly above water so far. He plans to spend time in the Middle East this summer and hopefully if he can achieve fluency at some point the freshmen grades will be a blip. His grades have been okay - worse than he (or we hoped), but honestly only a shade worse than his high school ones. </p>
<p>He seems to have friends, but not any best buddies that I can tell. His roommate was nice enough, but they have little in common and won’t be rooming together next year. </p>
<p>We mostly cheered or commiserated from the sidelines. Did remind him that tutoring, Writing Center etc were all available and he should use them. </p>
<p>I feel like he’s grown up a lot in the last year.</p>
<p>^^ Kxc . . . you asked for advice. I have to chuckle at this a bit because it still feels like new, untested ground for me. But I think the thing that has been the hardest for me is the letting go. Parents go from advising and watching over their kids every day for 18 years to sporadic texts and phone calls. It’s a very abrupt change and it’s a challenge for me on a daily basis but it has gotten so much better with time. It helps to see that it’s a change that my S needed and wanted and is doing well with.</p>
<p>The actual advice I have pertains to monitoring their grades. At the beginning we made a deal with S that we would need to see grades at midterm and after finals. This has worked for us but some kids may not need this at all. For our S I think it was reassuring and motivating that we would be checking but at the same time a relief that we were not overseeing his progress and study habits on a daily basis.</p>
<p>And then there’s money management. I’ve been absolutely shocked at how little my son is spending. Since we have access to his account we can see what he is spending. We have friends that sent their D off without this type of arrangement and she ended up getting herself in a lot of trouble and eventually was evicted from her apartment for nonpayment and they had no idea until it was to late that this was going on.</p>
<p>This is room draw week. There’s lots of drama going on; I feel like we’re back in middle school with the cliques and all.</p>
<p>I think, though, this is a bump in the road in an otherwise surprisingly good first year. Academically, she’s had a wonderful year. Given that she entered in September with a strong intention of transferring and now can’t see herself anywhere else, on the whole it’s been positive.</p>
<p>Just bracing myself for the next phone call with the new direction for the dorm/apartment/house situation for the fall!</p>
<p>kinderny & kxc1961: my best advice is to look into [College</a> Student Insurance (CSI)](<a href=“http://www.collegestudentinsurance.com/]College”>http://www.collegestudentinsurance.com/). Of course, in the past year my son’s track record is 2 computers, 3 cell phones, 3 concussions & 1 dislocated shoulder, so it all depends on your kid. YMMV. </p>
<p>Another thought: let them deal with their problems. Accept the fact that they will make mistakes but try to help them avoid making big ones. They will be able to sort most things out by themselves, and that’s part of letting them grow up. But be prepared to step in if the problems overwhelm them (see below). They are still “adults in training.” </p>
<p>My S2 has had a good freshman year. But it’s also been a year of “2 steps forward, 1 step back.” I’ve watched him grow & become academically engaged. He informed me last week that he has mapped out his coursework & a double-major for the next 3 years. He says he knows where he wants to go & what he needs to do to get there. I think he’s found his passion but I’ll wait & see: many students have been known to change their majors mid-stream.</p>
<p>One of my wise (parent) friends who also has a freshman/rising sophomore & a junior noted that 1st semester is fun, filled with new independence & the novelty of college. In the 2nd semester, the novelty has worn off & the grind/stress of college sets in. Coupled with the grayness of winter, students are more prone to become sick, get into a slump, or become depressed because of academics or SAD. Pay attention in the second semester.</p>
<p>Thanks a bunch for the advice. It is precisely what we wanted to do for our S. They are no longer babies. I find it hard to have mom’s than dads to let go of them.</p>
<p>Kxc: Whether to be be involved in their transition into college or whether to just stand by and cheer from the sidelines probably depends mostly on your own kid. As a parent of a junior daughter and freshman son, I can say my two kids are very different people and going off to college has meant approaching and dealing with each of them in very different ways. </p>
<p>My junior was never as independent as my freshman. Had to remind her a few times that she talked about doing undergrad research and that she had to seek out the professors…they would not come to her. Not sure she would have pursued it if she had not been reminded. With my son, he’s already working on that and also completed a study abroad application for next semester. Sometimes I laugh and tell friends, “I don’t parent him anymore.” He plans way in advance and actually was on the phone with my husband last week and told him what his plans are for the next three years. </p>
<p>I don’t check grades but that is because I know they both want to do well. Occasionally, I will ask how classes are going and the usual response is “fine”.</p>
<p>Now my youngest goes off this fall. She is different yet again from her siblings and I’m guessing we will learn as we go…pretty much like we did the first two times. But first things first…have to pick a college!</p>
<p>Yes. We have said no to two out of four of our options. Just about to decline the third and send out the acceptance to the top pick. Life is getting more interesting as Aug rolls around…</p>
<p>I would love to be a cheer from the sidelines mom and let my D go completely out on her own, but it is hard to do when she is still financially dependent apon us. It makes it very hard for me to think…sink or swim on your own, when her actions, ups and downs, also affect us.</p>
<p>This year has been good, but at the same time, it has been nothing like I envisioned it to be.</p>
<p>Hey vicariousparent Love the name! It hits home with me to the point where I’m always saying to myself that I must need to get a life. Can it be right to live this vicariously through our kids? Is something lacking in my life? But this questioning has been good for me. Even though I work full-time I’m checking into taking Yoga, revamping my health regimine and learning to crochet. Obviously our kids aren’t the only ones transitioning into a new phase. I think the main thing is figuring out how to put a positive spin on it for everyone involved.</p>
<p>He’s had a great year - we were a little worried because he went all the way across the country not knowing anyone at his new school.</p>
<p>Some things that really helped: He started with his club sport immediately in the fall so made friends that way. He also had 8 years of experience so fit right in. He was also in a small (30 kids) all freshman dorm so they became really close.</p>
<p>Some of the harder things: Being so far away he only came home for winter break. Many of the kids are pretty local so there were some times that only 3 kids were in his dorm over breaks. He also got pretty tired of snow after the novelty wore off.</p>
<p>His grades were great, he became an officer in his sports club (he never had any leadership roles in high school) and he seems to be happy!</p>
</p>