Freshman year almost over. How did it go for your kid?

Parents Forum
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<p>“This year has been good, but at the same time, it has been nothing like I envisioned it to be.”</p>

<p>Oh yes. I’m thrilled my daughter is doing well. I’m a bit disappointed she hasn’t taken advantage of the things that influenced her decision a year ago. I couldn’t have imagined she’d be as independent as she has been. The travel stresses have been more than I expected, but I suppose that will ease over time as this becomes routine, glitches and all (You’re spending the night in O’Hare??). She’s making things a bit harder by being uncommunicative. It IS an abrupt change for parents, this switch from daily parenting to almost nothing (for us). Can’t say I’ve handled it perfectly but I’m learning my place. Summer will be interesting.</p>

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<p>My son is thrilled with his school and up until last week (even though it was not his first choice reach school where he was denied) - it was going beautifully.</p>

<p>In fact, because his grades are so good, I asked if he wanted to try and transfer to his first choice and he said no, so I guess that’s the true test of whether he’s happy.</p>

<p>That said, he’s getting great grades, has made lots of friends and already has plans for his suitemates for next year. He loved his school from the first day he visited and has no regrets. I only wish he was closer.</p>

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<p>BTW - how often do you all hear from your kids? I’m lucky if S calls once a week - I usually end up calling him first because I can’t wait, and every time I call he’s busy or with people. I guess that’s a good thing.</p>

<p>He’s our youngest and his departure made us empty nesters - It was a tough adjustment for me but I think it’s finally getting getting better. I still have to resist the urge to call him every other day though!</p>

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<p>Cheering is always good! </p>

<p>One thing I’d do differently is have a little faith that we’d find a way to stay in touch that worked for us. At first I tried to do the once a week call plus Skype and it just did not work. It took me too long to throw in the towel on our “rules” and just let a routine develop. We text each other and he’s great about calling back if we do need to talk to him. It worked out.</p>

<p>One thing I think we handled correctly was strongly encouraging counseling when problems arose. The transition from home to college is stressful, it’s totally normal to need some extra support. There’s just no reason to wait when help is so readily available on most campuses. </p>

<p>This past year has been more than I’d dared hope for for him. He loves his university, loves the city it is in, did well in classes, found ecs he loves, made great friends and has his first boyfriend. There have been some bumps in the road but, thankfully, nothing too bad.</p>

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<p>DD is totally, completely, unbelieveably happy! Great grades, great new friends. Lots of work but much less stress than HS. Just seems to take things in stride. For a kid who tied herself in knots over grades, etc. she is like a different person. Tremendous relief from our fears that college would be even more of a stress fest.</p>

<p>We keep in touch by phone, text and FaceBook chats. I have not mastered Skype yet.</p>

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<p>My son is doing great and has had a terrific year. He has done very well academically, but also socially. He has snowboarded to his heart’s content, attended football and basketball games, participated in numerous intramural sports clubs, and joined a coed engineering fraternity, from which it seems he is making good friends. He is getting opportunities in his major already as a freshman and is participating in them of his own accord. He and his roomate got along but they are different people so will not be rooming together next year. He already has gotten two roomates next year, and they have signed a lease on a townhouse for next fall.
I agree with the posters above, my son hardly spends any money! He is very frugal, which is wonderful, and checks with us ahead of time if he wants to make a larger purchase. He also never calls, but he will occasionally text if he has a quick question. I call him once a week on Sunday afternoons and we have a fairly long chat…So that seems to work and he seems to be very amenable to that. Forget about Skype with him, he absolutely refuses to Skype with me, that seems to be reserved for his friends!</p>

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<p>Any advice for me? My daughter will be going to school about 2 hours away. She has a long term boyfriend, they have dated since the summer of 9th grade. They attend different local high schools but they have managed and dated almost three years now. Neither of them is talking about graduation, summer, college and what this means for their relationship except to say that they will stay together. He will be attending a much larger university about an hour from home and rooming with his bestfriend.
Anyone deal with this freshman year? I want to be ready if she decides to ask for my advice.</p>

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<p>kjcphmom, sorry about your son’s diagnosis. My D1, a college junior, also has type 1. She was diagnosed at 14, and I wasted too much time when she was in high school worrying about how she’d deal with college and diabetes. She has had some challenges but has risen to the occasion and is doing very well now.</p>

<p>Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about the diabetes thing.</p>

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<p>For S2 I would say his freshmen year has been overall positive, but definitely a mixed bag. Academically he was always the big fish in the little pond and now that he is in a big pond with really big fish he got a little overwhelmed. His grades have been much lower than I anticipated (although he is not on academic probation). He is changing majors so maybe that was the problem and hopefully this quarter will go better. Socially I am not going to lie, I was very worried, but he is doing great, is active and has made a lot of friends. And he spends VERY LITTLE money. We keep in touch mostly by texting. He mostly only asks for my input when he is planning his schedule for the next quarter.</p>

<p>D1 is now a junior, I worried more about her academically but she has done incredibly well. She had a boyfriend thru high school. He went to school across the country and they tried to make it work but eventually he broke up with her on Valentine’s day freshman year. It is easier said than done, but my advice would be for them to break-up so they can both get the full “freshman in college” experience. D1 spends A LOT of money. SHe is in a sorority and is always going to one themed party or another. For her the sorority has been great. We tried to get S2 to check out the fraternities but he did not want to. So to each his own.</p>

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<p>DS is my first to go away - and he’s a 3 hour flight away from home. He’s adjusted beautifully - loves the city he’s in, happy with the school he picked, grades good. He also is not spending much money (I can only hope I have this problem when my daughter goes away - probably not!!) We text and email alot, and skype about every 2 weeks. Of course, I still find things to worry about - seems to be making friends, but are they going to be close friends? Chose not to room with any of his 5 roommates next year - will his new roommate work out? Just the normal parental worries!!</p>

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<p>D keeps surprising me. First, I was surprised that she chose a school close to home after dragging me on college visits all over the country. Second, I was surprised that she comes home on weekends fairly frequently, even if it’s only for a day. (Her siblings were happy to get away and I never saw them.) Evidently she’s not crazy about living in a double and not having access to our washing machine/dryer, a stocked kitchen, her car, her cats and the giant tv. I foresee difficulties in moving her out someday…</p>

<p>Academically, D surprised me by working really hard and achieving great grades and academic honors. She added a minor, is planning on summer school (might even make it a dual major) and is developing personal relationships with her professors. She has every year mapped out. I didn’t expect D to show so much academic maturity.</p>

<p>Socially, D also surprised me by going Greek. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t see D as a sorority girl (based on my own college experience in the early to mid 70s). I didn’t expect D to be fixing her hair, wearing makeup and dressing up for classes…never mind going to parties and shopping for semi-formal dresses on weekends. I expected her to live in t-shirts and jeans or pj bottoms </p>

<p>I thought she’d be sleeping til noon, not getting up to be at the library by 8:00 am. </p>

<p>D is doing great. Parent is stunned and thinks that someone has replaced D with an alien.</p>

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<p>Neon,</p>

<p>I like that your daughter is like an “alien” to you, all for the good. :slight_smile: I am so envious that your D is turning out to be what sounds like the ideal child for me. First, she stays close to home, then she comes home regularly to visit in the w/e. Second, she is academically motivated, disciplined and successful.</p>

<p>I have a S in first year of college. He is obviously enjoying his time in NYC. While it is close enough to come home at least some w/e’s, we have yet to see him aside from his winter break, one day of the spring break and when we go out for shows/ concerts with him in NYC. These latter trips are good for us to chat and have a meal together, while enjoying some entertainment.</p>

<p>I am gratified S is obviously having a “phenomenal” time in college. He did not do a heavy duty load for freshmen year (helped that he started with 24 AP/ college credits transferred in). Surprisingly, he really got into the music scene in school and in NYC. I was worried at times about the “imbalance” between academics and ECs. While he intended to be in pre-law, he apparently signed up for elective credits (6 total) in music theory and practice classes. The rest of the schedule revolves around core requirements, Chinese language courses (he’s planning on study abroad in Shanghai Junior year), Freshman Honors Seminar, a history class. </p>

<p>So, S is not off-track. This year, he was one of 10 or less people who got into the selective Mock Trial team at his college (a nationally recognized winning team; number 1 in 2010, beating out Harvard’s team) and he won a newcomer’s award. However, much of his time and energy is invested in music making/ recording which he LOVES (has a “manager” guiding him), with possible audition for some spots in NYC venues.</p>

<p>The practical part of me is a little nervous that S is not doing a heavier, more “academically” challenging load (e.g., he signed up for 14 credits with 2 in music - guitar playing - fall semester when most students are taking minimum 16 credits or 4 “fully” academic courses). I am concerned he will stack up poorly against other law school applicants down the road. Also, he is going to one of the most expensive schools with the least amount of financial aid (based on need) in the nation. S has a scholarship which covers more than half of tuition. However, I estimate total out of pocket cost will be $160,000 for the 4 years of undergraduate studies.</p>

<p>The other part of me is so gratified that S is having the time of his life. He has a number of social networks. He continues to check in on his community outreach/ service program when he can. While he is not acing all his classes, he has 3.5 + average after first semester (but not really with a heavy load as I commented above). He knows how to work during the week and takes off most w/e’s for relaxation, recreation, social activities and MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC.</p>

<p>I have asked him if he wants to try to transfer into the more artsy school at his university (NYU Tisch, very obvious if you look at my previous posts). S seems very pragmatic. He said he wants to continue enjoying his music while keeping pre-law as an objective. </p>

<p>Sometimes I feel like I have one of the healthiest child around who knows not to get burnt out before his time, one who goes for what he loves while remaining “practical.” Other times, both my hubby and I wonder how he is studying with all his other , uh-hum, social, musical activities. In fact, after first semester, he asked to be a less active Alternate member of the Mock Trial team. He tells me he will become more active next year (if he gets back in). In the meantime, none of his applications for public service internships came back with a positive response. So, the self-initiator he is (he was Class President senior year HS and used to not only organizing things but taking on tasks hands on himself), he is now working with his “manager” to create a music management training internship for this summer. By the way, my S had no formal training or music classes until his one music theory class in senior year H.S.</p>

<p>So, while I am sometimes a little concerned, I feel it is coming from the part of myself which is more uptight and pragmatic about life. In practice, though, I actually have the opposite approach from the tiger mom Yale professor writer. I like to know that my S is pursuing what is important to him and what ultimately will make him content and thus, become both a productive and happy member of society.</p>

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<p>Hi Evolving! This has been an awesome year for my D, who is attending the same university as your S! Some roommate issues (they party, she doesn’t) and some health issues (NYU’s health center was not cutting it and after an ER scare she now has a Park Avenue ENT doc!) but she has loved the city, the school (Tisch), and the wonderful diversity of people from Day One. Quote: “This is the air I was meant to breathe” (drama queen, much!!!) Communication has been great. We text, email, Skype, FB chat…whatever’s handy and I have felt in the loop pretty much all year. It’s hard because we were so close and I had to get used to a little less inside info, but I still feel included in her life. She had a BF pretty much the whole first semester and that turned out to not be a great thing as it limited her ability to explore and meet lots of people and have fun. This semester she has played more, yet her grades are at least as good as last semester (which was a 3.5). She arrived at NYU extremely focused and knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life, but her Tisch studio has opened her eyes to a broader spectrum of opportunities in her field. Despite the money woes, the distance, etc. I realize that this is the right place for her!</p>

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<p>It’s been a really hard year for our son. He loves his school and town, but he ended up on crutches for a couple of months, due to long-term injuries from distance running in high school. For awhile, the doctors thought he had a dehabilitating form of arthritis. That diagnosis turned out to be incorrect, but the incredible amount of stress triggered a fairly serious mental illness. He’s seeing a pscyhiatrist weekly and a physical therapist every other week.</p>

<p>I’ve had to drop my strategy of being only a cheerleader. Now I talk with him almost daily, to help him plan out his days. He’s 2000 miles away from home, but fortunately my parents are only 15 minutes away from his dorm, and they have been an incredible support. His doctor feels that he’s improving and think there’s a good chance he will have a positive prognosis.</p>

<p>This is a young man who was an over-achiever in high school, athletically and academically. His illness came as a total shock. Since his diagnosis, we’ve learned that it’s fairly common for young men to develop problems at 18 or 19 (women are usually a little older). So just keep that in mind as your children go off to college, and DON’T ignore any “little” red flags that you notice. We were fortunate that DS himself knew there was a problem, and that his grandmother took him into the student health center when she did (the first day of final exams in December).</p>

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<p>MaineLongHorn</p>

<p>A huge cyber hug (((u))) and much love sent your way. What a very challenging time you have had this year. I am so glad that your DS and your family have such a great support system to meet his needs and yours. It can be so difficult when a loved one faces a health crisis and they are so far away! Thankfully your family can provide a safety net.</p>

<p>Praying for you.
fogfog</p>

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<p>^ My prayers also go out to you MaineLonghorn. It sounds like you and he are doing everything you possibly can to get on top of the situation. Will he be moving to a school closer to home for the next school year?</p>

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<p>yikes!! I am gong to check that link. Kiddo will have health insurance, yet all of those technology hits too! whoa!</p>

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<p>My son has had a really wonderful year at Willamette University in Salem, Oregon. </p>

<p>I was a bit worried at first that he had fallen in love with his “safety” school and rejected Emory University and UC San Diego to attend Willamette. But he’s had amazing opportunities there and has been really happy with his courses. I went to visit in February and took him and some friends out to dinner, and I was also really impressed with the friends he has made. </p>

<p>He was right after all – he chose the school that was the best fit for him.</p>

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<p>Mainelonghorn - Wishing you the best of luck as you go through this. Coincidentally, I have just returned from a presentation given by a top mental health hospital/research facility, and one of the main things they touched on was the need for support and awareness of all that college students go through, the countless things that can trigger a mental breakdown, development of a mental illness of some type - how colleges really need to be as aware as possible due to the huge potential of this happening to the typical college student. I am so, so sorry your son is going through this, but it sounds as if you have done a terrific job in getting him the support and medical care he needs - and he is so lucky to have a mother like you, being there for him every step of the way. Best of luck to your son and your family.</p>