Kinda long read but PLEASE read and help me out, thanks!
Hey! So I am currently just wrapping up my freshman year in college. I go to a semi-small school (5,700) with about 1,700 of them freshman too. A LOT of them are commuters, like I would say around 500. As I am coming to an end, I realized a few things.
First off, it is important to know that I go to a school where people do not party and I don’t party myself. The clubs here on campus are pretty dead, they exist, but no one does much in them. I have joined a few of them, but they just fell apart and haven’t heard anything since last semester. lol. So there is also this community life office that puts on “fun” events, that everyone, including myself, thinks are dumb. At this school too they push this sense of community, which some people feel connected, but others, including myself, don’t see it at all.
Now, to the part where I talk about my experiences. I had a great freshmen year. I did some fun things, BUT I don’t seem to have many friends. The one that I do have is solid though. I tend to find myself alone in my room a lot of the time, and it is depressing. Now, I know at other schools, you just go outside and sit and people will come up or just hang out. Not here, it is kind of like glorified high school, where if you are alone, people judge you in a sense. People here seem very cliquey. Probably does not help that it is such a small school and all of the classes are all around one courtyard. People are always with others and I am alone. Also, it is not normal for your RA to be all “buddy buddy” with people in your dorm, and people hang out with him, right?
Now to the question that I do have, any suggestions on how to make friends sophomore year? I wanted to commute, but for money reasons, I have to live on campus. (That is an entire different story). Anyways, it bothers me that people are always together and I never hear anyone in the dorms during the day because they are always with other people. Bottom line, I am VERY lonely, and hope that next year will be different. I would appreciate ANY suggestions you might have for me to meet new people next year! Thank you.
What are your hobbies and other areas of interest?
LOve any outdoor activities, and like movies and things related to that.
What have you done to try to hang out with people during the day? I think it’s a little wishful thinking to just expect people to come up to you and start spending time with you. Sometimes, you have to invite others to lunch or to hang out in between classes. Maybe you could have a movie night or go to an off campus place for dinner. Or anything really.
For the clubs, perhaps you could take on more of a leadership role in a club (or start your own). Plan social or volunteering events for students to go to and keep the club active. I’m sure there are other students like you who are looking to expand their friend group. What about the close friend that you do have? Do they know other people that they could introduce you to? Do you have any acquaintances that you could turn into closer friendships?
Another option is to get a job (or some sort of purposeful role in a club or other organization) that would put you in close contact with a lot of other students. So something like in the dining hall or student center or something like that. That can give you the chance to get to know other students who you might not have talked to otherwise.
Edit: Also, what about like an intramural sport or a rec class or something? That can be a way to meet people. Does your school have anything like that? Could you start something?
I have made attempts with people in the first semester, and kept trying this semester. The ones I tried failed. (It was only like 12 people I attempted with, but I understand it will take a while before meeting more people) I agree with you, it is wishful thinking to expect that from people. I just get easily discouraged because none of those worked out. It just bothers me seeing everyone in groups and me alone. Even though I know that is how a normal uni is, but this one is just so small.
On the club front, I have tried to try leadership positions, its just when I talk to the people in charge, they always say they will get back to me, never do, and when I ask them again later they say the same thing. Its a repeating cycle. Hahaha. As of now, I have not thought up a club idea, maybe I will next year.
With regards to the close friend, he is a total introvert, and prefers to be alone. And with acquaintances, I have tried, but some have not worked out. I guess it comes down to me not giving it time or trying, because what ends up happening is I try, but when I realize they know so many other people I get discouraged and I give up.
With a job, I applied but got rejected by 4 different places I applied to. (3 on campus, 1 off) lol kinda sad. There reason though was they needed more experienced people, or my schedule would not work out with when they wanted me to work.
With the sports, I did play on two teams, one team broke up because half of the team would not be able to go to the games, and the other team didn’t work out because we were so bad after 2 games people stopped showing up. And maybe I can kill two birds with one stone and go to some classes offered at the rec center, possibly meet people and get exercise!
Also, I heard that first year is the lonliest time, and sometimes it takes a while to get in the groove and meet people. And the friends I had in HS and other family members (cousins, brothers, sisters) got lucky and found many friends right out of the starting gates.
Thank you for your advice, hopefully these things work out.
To me, it’s always better to have a small handful of VERY close friends than tons of acquaintances you barely know.
I completely agree, just haven’t found the group. ill keep trying though. it has to work eventually. hopefuly
If you’re an outdoorsy or exercise person, are there any clubs that have to do with exercising? Like a jogging club? Or is there a place in your school that organizes like camping or whatever outdoor activities are near your school? That could be something to look into. Or maybe you could try to organize a trip for other like-minded kids in your dorm. Or I know a lot of people who made friends through doing a yoga class or crossfit.
Keep applying to jobs. If you have no experience, your first one is always hardest to get. Did you try the dining hall or something like that? At my school, there was a lot of turn around in the dining hall, and students were picked mainly on their availability.
I will try a dining hall job. And for the club thing, there are no clubs but there are classes, but they get filled up by upperclassmen fast. But ya, I will try to find others like me, I know there out there, it is just hard. Guess some people just get lucky, right? Also you do have a good point, we have a rec center with classes offered there, maybe I’ll go to some of those. Thank you for this, it it really helping me.
I’m sorry, but at other schools you do NOT just sit outside and people will come up to you. Those are all movies and TV shows. If you want to make friends, you have to put in work and reach out to people. Even at a small school, friendship isn’t something that is just handed out freely like club flyers.
@baktrax took the words right out of my mouth!
I agree that if you and other students don’t find the appeal in the events put on by the community life office then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Maybe you can join the office and suggest new events. Maybe you can start a club yourself and give other students something to be excited about. Bottom line, be proactive. Stop thinking that things will “just happen” and MAKE them happen!
Second, a job sounds like a great idea as well! As @baktrax said, it’s all about feeling a sense of belonging and purpose. It gives you a break from campus, a break from student life, and a little extra spending money. And how about a potentially new circle of friends!
Yes! I am you guys now motivated me. I am going to look for a job and not stop until I find one and I will be more proactive!!! I can do it and I will! Thank you!!! I’ll keep you guys updated, but it won’t be until next September because that is when I return to school. Haha. I got this!!! :)>- 
B-)
@abhlax425, I am adding to your list:
DD had a very lonely and difficult first year-what changed was that she volunteered for organizations that needed volunteers. She worked at the health center and met/made a lot of similar friends. She also volunteered to help with tours. She is now a junior and lives with 6 roommate/friends.
@“aunt bea” What seems like the bottom line is that I need to get involved. Thank you. And after talking to more people, I realize that freshmen year is just a lonely time.
Yep, you have to be proactive. Glad to know you will be very busy!!!
People don’t come to you. You come to them. Maybe if you saw someone from one of your classes around campus or anywhere outside of class, just greet them and ask how its going and then maybe talk more if they do not seem like they are in a rush. That’s how I meet most of my friends at school.