So as I draw closer to the end of my college life and prepare to make a big change (commuting for first time next semester), I want to evaluate my friends and be sure I’m not wasting my time with people and/or missing out on opportunities. I know this is long, but please consider the following situations and advise if you can!
-
There’s a guy I really like to talk to and hang out with. But I can’t tell if he’s REALLY a friend or not. He says I’m one of his “best friends” but we don’t even really talk much since he lives off campus and his parents have him on a short leash due to some issues with him getting in trouble, so he typically has to go back home as soon as he’s done with class. He doesn’t really text me unless I text him but once we do start texting we have long convos. He’ll walk with me all the way to my dorm or library after classes even though he parked on the other side of campus. Long story short, I’m worried that once I start commuting and will probably only have one class with him next semester, he’ll stop talking to me. How can I make sure he (or anyone else) is a friend I can keep after this semester or even after college?
-
My friends from high school. I have two female friends from HS that I used to hang out with a lot. But I’ve gotten busier with college and all and they…haven’t. They’re both in CC and working part-time. I feel like a giant douche but honestly…I don’t like talking to them as much. They party a lot. They drink and one smokes a lot of weed. I don’t do any of those. They try to invite me out with their friends but I dislike most of the people they hang out with. They get on me about being a virgin at the super old age of 20, and I grow tired of them telling me about how they hooked up with shady guys at clubs and how proud they seem of it. I kinda think they need to grow up. And they get mad at me for not texting them or seeing them as much. But I just don’t enjoy hanging out with them as much anymore. But they are always there for me, so I do not want to abandon them. I mean it’s not like they don’t know I don’t like drinking, partying, smoking, clubbing, etc. I think they’re getting bored with me and annoyed with my lack of communication. Should I talk to them about this?
IDK at this rate I think I’m gonna get out of college with ONE real, true friend (not the guy from #1, someone else) who I love a lot. Is this normal?
It seems to me you have grown apart from the high school friends. If you are simply hanging onto them out of a sens of duty, don’t. They are engaging in self-destructive behaviors. I think you really need to cultivate some new friendships. Why don’t you be more proactive with the guy you mentioned and suggest actually meeting up for coffee? Get involved in campus activities. Get a part time job and meet people there. Volunteer in your community. You have outgrown your high school life. It’s time to move on to forming adult relationships with people you have more in common with than your old friends.
@Lindagaf I do still enjoy hanging out with my HS friends…when they don’t want go anywhere. Like most of the times when we hang out we just chill at one of our houses, I think because they notice anytime they suggest going anywhere I suddenly have a reason I can’t hang out haha. But you’re right, we have way less in common than I thought.
And the thing is, I have a crap ton of “acquaintances.” People I text, work with, study with, tutor, etc. But very few people (actually, just 1) that I feel like I’m close with. I’m involved in like 4 or 5 activities/clubs on campus so I’m pretty social. It’s not a shortage of people.
The guy I mentioned is hard to hang out with. He gets to campus maybe an hour before class and hangs out with other people (sorority girls I don’t really like lol) or studies. Now he does invite me to hang out with them in between classes sometimes but I don’t want to go with him to their sorority trap-dorm. We have two classes together on the same day and after the first class, he either hangs out with those girls or we go to the library to study until our night class. Once he randomly went up to my apartment with me and we chilled there.
I think I have just a very pessimistic view of friendships. So most people, even if it seems like they like me, I can’t help but feel as if they’re just faking it or something. I don’t know. I’m weird.
I definitely don’t think think you should cut yourself off from #2, but I do understand the feel of going somewhere when your friends aren’t. One of my friends went to residential community college and got into cocaine and prescription drugs. I still liked him as a person, but I eventually stopped visiting or going out to party with him because I just didn’t want to be around the irresponsible drug use.
As for #1, you might have to make an effort to meet up and do things outside of school. Going bowling or ice skating or whatever you like to do with your free time.
Yes, this is normal. This is a growth time for you and it is great that you do have other acquaintances. You will certainly have friends who will grow in a different direction. Keep interacting with people who are doing positive things and not doing things that jeopardize your future. Definitely don’t hang with drug users or let anyone push you into activities your are against. You don’t have to confront people or cause a big fuss. I wouldn’t say they are faking it, but maybe that you are all trying to find you place in this world.