Friendship issue

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>Okay, so I know this is a weird place for this but there aren't any people in my life who can give me an unbiased opinion about this issue so I thought I'd see what you all think.
I have a friend I'll call Colleen who I've been best friends with for about 5 years. I have two other best friends and they're both good friends with Colleen as well. This past summer a girl I'll call Kate had a falling out with her group of friends, so she started to hang out with Colleen (even though they really hadn't even been friends before and Kate had never been friends with me or any other people in our group of friends). This was particularly convenient because they live in the same town, while I live about 25 minutes away (we go to a private school so we live all over the place).
I didn't mind this because I'm not clingy or anything and we were all busy during the summer so I didn't notice the fact that I hardly ever saw Colleen without also having to hang out with Kate (who I don't really care for)
I started to really notice this once school started up again and I wrote a letter to Colleen telling her how I felt, etc. What I got back was essentially a list of excuses about how much stress she's under, how much she has to do, etc. and she basically tried to make me feel guilty for even bringing the issue up. For the record, if anything she has much less to do than anyone else but I won't get into that. Anyway, she did make an effort after that, but that was short-lived. </p>

<p>So now I'm at a loss as to what to do. I try to go along and hang out with Colleen when she's with Kate, but Kate also has friends from other schools who are just rude, have no class, etc. and they are always around also. Colleen pretty much just talks with those people even when she knows I'm there to hang out with her (bc there's hardly ever a time we can hang out alone or with our mutual friends). She also had a New Year's party that she didnt invite me to (our other best friend did.. but obviously that didn't come from Colleen, so that would've been awkward). However, she tries to act like everything's the same as it's always been, so when we talk she doesn't acknowledge the fact that everything is different and weird.</p>

<p>Kate has also befriended my other best friend, so the three of them go to parties on the weekends together. I've tried to be nice and befriend Kate but I just can't do it. She has a highly inflated opinion of herself which I can't stand, and she has a bad attitude about everything. She thinks she's too cool for the world basically, which she's obviously not. </p>

<p>I feel like it would be stupid to end the friendship now because it's our senior year and I've invested so much into it, but I don't know what else to do. Hanging out with Kate & crew is awkward and not fun for me, but sometimes it's that or stay home. I have other good friends but they're so used to me hanging with my two best friends that it's weird.
Sorry this is so long.</p>

2

<p>Learn to like Kate if your two best friends can do it. Maybe you need to look down deep and see if you're being too stubborn. She may be a tough pill to swallow but it would make it more pleasant to be around you friends.</p>

3

<p>^The thing is, it doesn't really even matter whether I like her or not. She has some kind of agenda which I haven't been able to figure out, but even if I'm nice to her and everything, she'll purposely invite my two friends to do things and has never asked me to do anything
(And I know that if this had only happened after I had started to dislike her, it'd probably be my fault- but she sought my two best friends out and befriended them, yet has been cold or indifferent toward me even when I tried to be friends with her after I realized what was happening). Like I said, she thinks shes extremely cool (what gave her that impression I will never know) so I'm sure she thinks shes too cool for me or something along those lines</p>

4

<p>first of all, how old are you</p>

<p>Second, Good always overcomes evil...oh wait we're talking about real life.</p>

<p>I suggest you to create your own agenda. Make it unnoticable and once day whent eh timing is right go all out on her. Make sure she knows not to mess with you ever again.</p>

5

<p>a couple of questions:</p>

<p>do these girls party, and I mean more so then you did/do</p>

<p>do they do as well, etc in school</p>

<p>are you busy with ec's etc, and are you more respected by teachers etc</p>

<p>I have an idea what is going on here, my Ds have been through girl stuff as well</p>

<p>Here is a part of Ds story</p>

<p>For first 2 1/2 years of HS, had a cool group of friends, one was a bit "wilder" than the rest, but she was fun, and had a wide range of aquaintences</p>

<p>As time went on, the girl got to be a pain in the behind- horrid BF, trouble, etc. and was going down a different path- ie partying, drinking, sex, tatoos, etc (k tatoos, and sex, not awful, of course, but it wasn't exactlly "selective")</p>

<p>anyway, there was a rift, and there friendship isn't the same...and D was sad, for awhile, but the friend is making mistakes left and right, and while D tried to help said friend, my Ds successess at school, etc were resented, she was seen as a goodytwoshoes, and that was because the girl and her new "friends" deciding drinking and smoking and getting in trouble was more fun</p>

<p>As well, what colleges are you all looking at> that can cause people to pull away before hand</p>

<p>I am pretty good at analyzing these situations. and if you want to PM me or give some more details here, I could have some more insite</p>

<p>my advice is to focus on the friends you like, it is senior year, sure, but if the friendship is waining, there isn't much you can do</p>

6

<p>If you could figure out what happened with her other friends - did they dump her or did she dump them, etc...if you can learn that, you will feel better</p>

<p>some people are just icky, but for some reason people are drawn to them</p>

<p>sometimes you just have to be mature, and it is time to expand your group of friends</p>

<p>ps- some of those parties, after awhile are pretty lame...my D said she didn't mind not going with her former best friends, it was drink till you fall down</p>

<p>as for agenda, she sounds like she likes to control things and doesn't want her new friends to have split loyalty, and if she indeed is calling the shots, well, your old friends who are going along with it, these things happen and friendships change, and people change, and think abut what kinds of friends they are...</p>

<p>my other D had a classic mean girl episode where one girl in the "group" was jealous and decided to "make" the other girls ostrasize my D...it was ugly, but she survived, and you will too, it is too bad some girls, seniors in HS act like 7th graders</p>

<p>you need to realize that people change, and do you really have much in common with your old friends that went with Katie> think about that</p>

7

<p>Thanks for the advice :)</p>

<p>Yes, that's another thing.. we go to an all-girls school, so the boy situation is a bit different than it would be at a co-ed school. Colleen is a bit desperate for male company (and is kind of loose sometimes) and Kate provides that because she hangs out with guys a lot (I can't stand these guys, they're not good people- one was recently on the verge of expulsion for bringing pot and a bottle of vodka on a school ski trip & treats girls like objects).
Most of the guys I hang out with are either in college, go to boarding school, or go to the local public school, and for other reasons we don't hang out with my or their friends, so that does Colleen no good. Plus she thinks I judge her because of the way she acts with guys because I don't act like that at all (I don't judge her, I dont approve but I wouldnt let her know that)
As for the partying, they know I don't mind that as long as it's done safely and responsibly, plus before Kate came into the picture we did a decent amount of partying (nothing crazy of course) so as far as I know that wouldnt be the reason</p>

<p>It's just really hard because even if the friendship were to just disintegrate, we go to such a small school (50 girls per grade) that it'd be impossible not to see her every day, and we have so many mutual friends it'd be weird. And it's kind of an all or nothing deal because we've been best friends for so long that now, 1/2 way done with our senior year, it wouldn't really work to be just friends/acquaintances</p>

8

<p>well, you just have to move on...tis true...my D went to a tiny middle school, and she had to deal with a group of mean girls...she had to see her former best friend everyday, had to do projects with her, etc, for a year and a half...at first it was awful, because D couldn ot trust this girl...but to be honest, it made D stronger and more confident...she didn't need that girl anymore, she looked to her other friends, and even if they weren't invited to the "parties' they amused themselves</p>

<p>it is hard, and weird, but there is not much you can do...and even if you aren't judging, when kids are doing things deep down they know is wrong, they just don't want people around who have it together</p>

<p>I can bet you they are partying harder, more often, and with tackier people than before....your friend sounds like my Ds ex friend in HS...</p>

<p>just because you are "best friends for a long time" doesn't mean it will or should go on forever, you have mutual friends, sure, but not all are partying, etc...with my D, she had friend who was still trying to hangout with the other girl, it took time, but she finally let her go</p>