Friendships

<p>Looking for Advice...</p>

<p>Last year when I came to college I made friends with a guy and girl who started going out shortly after school started. I'd know the girl a little from a youth orchestra before we came to school, and she became my best friend for most of freshman year. We were planning on rooming together this year, but then the week that we were supposed to sign up for dorms, she came to my and said that she didn't want to room together anymore. She gave me some reasons as to her decision, but I was obviously still upset. For reasons that I still can't figure out, that was the end of our friendship. I would have been willing to move on and patch things up, despite the fact that she left me scrambling for a roommate, but she decided that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. We haven't spoken since that night last April. </p>

<p>The problem now is that I stayed very good friends with her boyfriend (in a strictly platonic way) but I feel like that friendship is suffering because of her. It's not so much the idea that he's dating her so we can't be friends, it's more little things that we used to do, like we don't eat meals together anymore because he eats with her, we don't hang out on the weekends because they're always together, and things like that. We see each other in band, but that's about it. It makes me sad because he has been like a brother to me at school but now things are different :-(</p>

<p>Any advice?</p>

<p>Wow, that's very strange behavior on her part.</p>

<p>Well, you could try to explain the situation to him, but its unlikely that he'll choose you over his gf, if it comes to that.</p>

<p>there's a possibility she doesn't like you because... you are TOO CLOSE WITH HER BF HMM??? I understand how she can be angered by that. Her bf's probably not going to choose you over his gf (would you choose another guy over your bf that you are not romantically interested in??)</p>

<p>To clear up some confusion, I don't expect there to be any "choosing" in this whole situation. I know that she comes first in his life. That's not my point. My point is simply that I miss my friend. Also, to put things in perspective, I don't have too many close guy friends, so when I say "best guy friend" it's not like we're spilling our guts to each other and hanging out all the time. He's just someone solid and dependable who I can go to if I have a problem. Like I said, he's like a brother to me.</p>

<p>Here's an idea; why don't you simply ask the girl what the problem is, and why she's severed the friendship? You know, talk to her?</p>

<p>Oh, maybe she didn't want to live with you because she's paranoid about your relationship with her bf. He would probably spend a lot of time in the place she would be living, and if she was living with you, that means he'd be around you, which could have made her uncomfortable.</p>

<p>Take the initiative and try to patch things up with the girl. If you miss hanging aorund with her, then be honest and say you two should hang out more, etc. If she feels the same, then things will work out. If not, then maybe she has her own reasons not to be friends with you anymore.</p>

<p>^Yeah, I agree. You should definitely talk to her. If she doesn't want to hang out at least you can find out why, so you can have some closure.</p>

<p>So...? Any new developments?</p>

<p>Talk to her first and if no good comes out of it, then just let it be. The boyfriend looks like a good guy and the fact that you're still friends with him is saying something. I don't think he also wants to severe your friendship with him so talk to him and tell him you want to patch things up with her girlfriend.</p>

<p>The thing is, at this point I don't care about making up with the girl. After she ditched me as a roommate I would have been willing to try and patch things up if she wanted, but I wasn't going to go chasing after her. However, after that night she started avoiding me, and wouldn't even acknowledge my presence if we passed each other in the hallway, and it continues that way now. I'm just sad that I'm not as close to her boyfriend as I used to be, simply because we don't have as many opportunities to hang out this year.</p>

<p>You don't have to make up with her. Just grow some balls and talk to her.</p>

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You don't have to make up with her. Just grow some balls and talk to her.

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<p>Couldn't have said it better myself. There are a lot of people throughout life who I have absolutely hated and wanted to avoid. </p>

<p>However, in some cases, it was necessary to talk to them. In that case, I simply sucked it up, tried to be as polite as possible, and got my business resolved.</p>