<p>first-year parents worried about your child: </p>
<p>CALM DOWN! The first year of BS (for those that don't know) is hard. Socially, academically (well - depends on where you go), and in really every aspect. After your first year your body gets used to 6 hours a night, 2+ hours of athletics a day, and no time for work. Your child will become a much more efficient worker (we hope) and time management goes through the roof. So please, please, for your child's sake - stop worrying. And grades? Please - from first hand experience, your child KNOWS what's on their report card. Don't rub it in. We get it. We really really do. </p>
<p>And on the phone - you don't know what happens once your child hangs up. (rolling of eyes, scream to roommate, tears..) so back off a bit and choose what you say carefully. (Also, long-distance parenting is very hard to get right, so don't worry if it's not going perfectly! And if we don't call, please know that we're safe and alive - my mother can attest to this). But again, by the second year away what you say no matter effects us.... we all do what we want and you should be happy about that! We become much more of an individual. </p>
<p>So please, breathe. And when your child comes home, respect the fact that they were just living by themselves for a few months and have probably developed their own living habits. Yes? Yes. I'm glad you understand.</p>
<p>Is it just me or does this sound rather patronizing? I admit I have no experience in the BS field having yet to be accepted anywhere but I know that my parents would just be worried about me because they love me and I’m only 14 even if it was annoying as hell most of the time.</p>
<p>I read this on the other thread and my immediate reaction was, “Calm down? Nobody on this thread seems to be that worked up. Maybe the student should calm down.”</p>
<p>Sorry, maybe I missed all the posts from frantic parents worried about their children recently. Generally, they have been very positive of late. Maybe the OP is referring to other posts from the beginning of the year? I don’t know, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she’s having issues with her parents. In that case, I recommend she send that post to her mom.</p>
<p>Well, it may sound patronizing but it is slightly reminiscent of my freshman year. My mother calling me and e-mailing me at least twice a day seeing how I was doing. Making completely unfair assumptions about what I’ve been doing with my time. Trust me, sometimes the calls get reaaaaaallly frustrating. My mom finally realized she needed to stop calling me and telling me what to do by the end of sophomore year. </p>
<p>So, until you experience boarding school and overprotective parents who don’t want to let go, don’t make assumptions.</p>
<p>I agree, I shouldn’t make assumptions. I already know that should I be lucky enough to attend BS my mum’ll call about 7 times a day. I’ve already lived in another country to my mother and well and truly experienced her ‘overprotectiveness’, like I said annoying as hell but I do know she’s only doing it because she’s worried about me.</p>
<p>Geez, seems like a few angry kids lurking around CC. What, we’re not going to discuss the report card? Can’t express what a terrific job they are doing or remind them that maybe time to seek the teacher after class? They may call 3 nights in a row, then nothing for a week, no problem. My guys have not been living by themselves. They’ve been surrounded by friends and faculty alike and all seems so fine “awesome” that I keep waiting for the shoe to drop. As for being away for months, it seems like they were just home and coming back again in 1.5 - 2 weeks. For 40+k I’ll do “whatever”.</p>
<p>“your child KNOWS what’s on their report card. Don’t rub it in.” </p>
<p>Frosty,
Twenty five/thirty years from now, you will project your holographic image smack dab in the center of you kids dorm room, unabashed and uninvited, and demand an explanation for the C- grade on the Principles of Nanodragster Theory mid-term that they assured you would be an easy A.</p>
<p>Message received. Anger understood. This is a great reminder about how things feel on your end.We remember being your age even if you think we couldn’t possibly understand how you feel. You’re getting older so we know you can start to understand how we feel too. In the interest of open communication, I’ve got to tell sometimes we scream at the phone after we hang up too but it never makes us feel any better. How about you? I think we all hate the drama. </p>
<p>You have no idea how badly we want our conversations to just be about the interesting class discussion of the day and the funny thing that some kid did in the cafeteria. We don’t want to ask about how that quiz went or whether you’ve worked on that paper that is due at the end of the week. We really just want you to take care of business and live up to your potential and we really wish that you would always do your best with absolutely no pressure or expectations from us. Maybe our pressure and expectations don’t change anything but sometimes it’s all we’ve got. Help us change the focus of our conversations about academics by being honest about what’s going on. </p>
<p>We respect you more when you say “Wow, I didn’t think I’d have to study very much for that test but I was wrong so I got a C. I guess I shouldn’t have gone into town on Sunday” than when you get very theatrical and say “You have no idea how hard I tried! I studied and studied for that test”. When you are honest with yourself and honest with us then we can see how much you’re growing up and we believe that you are becoming more and more responsible. We like it. We like being able to let go. </p>
<p>Your first year is about learning tough lessons and growing and finding your way socially. We get that and we are cutting you a little slack right now where the report card is concerned. We know you’re not happy with the grades but you do need to hear that we’re not either. Sorry, but you’ve always been held to standards and that’s not going to change. In fact, that’s part of what got you into that school…right? If you were living at home and your grades slipped you’d be hearing about it too. Vow to do better and then do it. We all know you can. Make your second year better than your first, but don’t give up on the current year…you’d be short-changing yourself. </p>
<p>We want to give you lots of freedom when you come home but please know that how you act when you are at home makes an impression on us. If you aren’t taking care of things at home it’s harder for us to have faith that you’re doing it at school. Show us your maturity. Eat properly, get a jump on reading that book you have to have finished next week, get enough rest, show us that you know how to take care of yourself so that we don’t worry when you’re at school. We will probably be watching what’s going on when you hang out with your old friends. We don’t know what they’ve been up to but if they’re headed for trouble we’d rather you not go along for the ride. Do us all a favor and be honest about that stuff. Don’t keep too much from us because when we find out about it (and we will) it will worry us that you hid it from us. We don’t need to be protected from the truth. We know how the world works…really.</p>
<p>We see signs of maturity and we are LOVING it. We want to be able to let go a little more each year. If we didn’t want to, then we wouldn’t have let you go away to school. Give us credit for that and keep showing us and telling us all the ways you’re growing. Call us before we call you. We love you and nothing makes us happier than hearing about your world.</p>
<p>Hang in there. We have a lot of faith in you even if you don’t always feel it.</p>
<p>Yes indeed, Kaleigh. I do hope the OP reads it. I don’t blame her for venting on this public forum. It’s OK. I’ve done my fair share of that as well. And honestly, I have to thank her for showing that side of what all kids must feel at one point or another. No parent-child relationship is perfect, especially during adolescence. I’m beginning to see the taste of that. I probably don’t tell my children how proud I am of them often enough. Thank you for reminding me.</p>
<p>This thread is another example of why I like the multi-generational aspect of this board. Both parents and teens benefit from the perspectives given. I know that I have often read something a teen has written and thought, “hmmm, I hadn’t thought of that before.” I hope that teens do the same. (I think they do, even if they don’t always admit it!)</p>