From the other side--Guy won't leave me alone

Student Lounge College Life
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<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1212105-girl-dorm-ignores-me.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1212105-girl-dorm-ignores-me.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I saw that thread earlier, and I was like, awwww man, great, this is awful. </p>

<p>So here's the deal:<br>
There's a guy in my hall who's rather socially awkward. And he won't leave me alone. Like, he will stare at me nonstop, blocks everyone's way so he can stand next to me, waits until I make a decision whether or not to go to an event or do something and then chooses the same thing. If I change my mind, so does he. And he bursts in on private conversations I'm having with other people. </p>

<p>Now, normally, I'd be okay with a socially awkward kid in my hall, but the fact that he's stalking me ALL THE TIME, all over campus, is really starting to get on my nerves. I've been trying to politely (and more recently, not so politely) ignore him in hopes that he'll give up, but then I read that thread above, and everyone says "If she ignores you, it means she likes you!" And I'm....not to thrilled with that idea, to put it mildly. Because I definitely don't like him. Even if I wanted to get into a relationship (which I definitely don't) I wouldn't want to go out with him. I don't want to be mean about it, but I don't want to accidentally give him the wrong impression.</p>

<p>What do I doooooo????</p>

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<p>Try talking to your RA, who can talk to his RA? Or you can talk to his RA. Whatever works.</p>

<p>Saves you from having to talk to him yourself and you don’t have to get cops on his ass.</p>

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<p>I guess the only way to go about this is to be straight forward.
Walk up to him and say “I noticed you have been following me around, it’s really starting to annoy me so i’d appreciate it if you’d stop.”
Sometimes being straight forward is the only way unfortunately.</p>

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<p>Just tell him you will report him if he keeps following you around. Done.</p>

5

<p>ugh i hate awkwardness like this lol. I’m a guy btw just so you know. Anyways I guess I would try to avoid him? Idk, I’m really too nice, so Im always nice to socially awkward kids, but I guess I cant relate to a girl being stalked, cuz I know that must be a lot creepier for you than like some other socially awkward guy annoying me haha. I’d say just do your best to not let him find out about events you are going to, and tell other people not to let him in on it. The less he sees you hopefully his obsession will fade away. Maybe he’ll move on to someone else lol.</p>

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<p>Do you guys really think she wants to talk to him face to face?</p>

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<p>It’s happened to me before. He even drew pictures and tried to give them to me as a gift. But I have a boyfriend I’m committed to and as soon as I told him that, he never talked to me again (even though we had classes together later!). So obviously he was only interested in me for one thing, and I just feel lucky that he went away so easily. I tried to talk to him online instead of in person because it felt less awkward that way. I can understand how hard it is to talk to someone in person when every time you do they do something to creep you out even worse, so I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this situation.</p>

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<p>Yeah if he hasn’t gotten the clue by now, either he doesn’t care what you think (there’s a guy like this in my dorm who kinda fits your description) or you haven’t made it completely obvious that you despise him. Next time he interrupts your conversation, cut him off and tell him to not do it. If you see him following you or making the same decisions as you, just confront him. No ones going to hate you. Unless the girl is like slutty, the guy will always lose in such a situation.</p>

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<p>Okay, update here. So he has a class with me (unfortunately) and of course, decided to get up from his seat across the room and come sit right next to me. I had to tell him, though, to keep his hands in his seat, because his were getting uncomfortably close to my legs. It got him to shut up for a while and keep his hands away, but after that, he’s more clingy than ever, as if that turned him on somehow. I got back from a drumming ensemble tryout at, like, ten tonight, and there he was in the common room. Being even more obnoxious. And not noticing the fact that I’m talking over him.</p>

<p>I’d like to talk to my RA about it, but he’s really busy and therefore not around very often. He’s a great RA, but unfortunately really involved in campus activities, so we never know where he is. The only times we really see him are during hall events, and during those times, Mr. Stalker is always at my heels.</p>

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<p>Having been that awkward guy in the past (and also having spent lots of effort to address that issue), I have to say: the reason awkward guys are awkward is because they just don’t get it.</p>

<p>Next time he starts being weird, you need to pull him aside and explicitly state that you’re not interested in him and that his behavior is making you uncomfortable. I know it’s mean, but there are more important issues at stake here, and he’d probably appreciate it if he knows for sure to stop wasting his time.</p>

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<p>Here’s a fail-proof solution: Always be in a group with at least 2 other girls. I don’t care how persistent this guy is, 99% of guys aren’t going to try and hang out with a group of girls they don’t know. If he still tries to get closer, then your buddies will deal with him, hopefully.</p>

<p>I’m a guy, btw.</p>

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<p>Excelblue is right. Time put your assertive pants on and tell him like it is. You may feel like you’re being mean but really, what do you have to lose? It’s not like you want to be friends with him!</p>

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<p>bump up
Okay, so I’m thinking you guys are right and I’ll have to “put on my assertive pants” (as Nanner so brilliantly put it) and talk to him. But I don’t know if I want to say it in front of everyone else…and I can’t really catch him alone (mainly because I don’t want to and am not really trying to search him out).
Advice?</p>

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<p>Hi inNeedofPencils!</p>

<p>I’m a parent of a freshman. If you - or anyone else facing this situation - were my daughter, this is what I would advise:</p>

<p>Discuss the matter with someone official immediately. This unwanted attention-giver is harassing and intimidating you. You have told him that he is making you uncomfortable, that you are not interested in any sort of relationship with him, and that he has to stop bothering you. Evidently, he’s not taking ‘no’ for an answer and now he is interrupting your ability to concentrate during a class. You said your RA isn’t very available, so you need to find someone official who is. Your academic advisor, for example, should be able to assist you in finding the proper university official to speak with. </p>

<p>Even if you do speak with your RA or another official, you also need to speak with the Dean of Students and/or the Dean of Student Housing or a member of their staffs about what has been happening. Your university will not want to have the situation you’ve described occurring. </p>

<p>I’m sorry you’ve been having to deal with this. And that’s the point: you’re a new student and you already have a thousand things on your plate to deal with - like classes and getting used to living at a university and managing your schedule and doing your laundry and eating properly and everything else you’re doing! You don’t need or want the added stress of someone who is behaving grossly inappropriately and making you truly uncomfortable and is refusing, by the actions you’ve described, to back off. </p>

<p>As far as having a class that you share with him goes, you have several options. If you don’t want to or can’t change sections, talk to your professor and tell him/her what’s going on. Tell them that you’ll either be sitting right in front of the professor, as close as you can get, for every class and in his/her sight or that you’ll be coming just late to class in order to select a seat somewhere away from your unwanted antagonist. I’d be extremely surprised if your professor was not very sympathetic; certainly your professor will be interested to know why, for example, you might be slipping in late to every class.</p>

<p>I know you shouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this at all. But you are. By the way, something similar happened to me when I was in university and I didn’t do any of these things. Basically, I tried to ignore the problem and by and large stopped going to one class so I wouldn’t run into the guy, etc. How dumb was that? It isn’t the way to handle things. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>Go to the class late, and find a place where you can sit between two people.</p>

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<p>How about having one of the guys in your dorm speak to this kid, and warn him off.</p>

<p>You need a big brother.</p>

17

<p>If you can’t get time with your RA, find another one in the dorm. I’d also suggest you email your RA, so you have a written record. If there is no immediate action, bump it up. Though this kid sounds like he’s just awkward, there are rules about harassment, especially when it affects your comfort about going to a class or freedom of movement on campus. Please don’t just go to class late and jeopardize the teacher’s impression of you. Agree you can sit up front in class and possibly speak with the teacher. Good luck and let us know.</p>

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<p>Kick him in the nutz.</p>

<p>It’s swift, clean and there’s no possibility of him getting the wrong impression after that.</p>

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<p>Honestly, what I would do:</p>

<p>Next time he sits next to you – “Why are you always following me?” – [insert whatever he says here, it doesn’t matter] – “It makes me uncomfortable and I’d appreciate if you didn’t do that.”</p>

<p>IMO it’s a decent balance of aggression and assertiveness… simple, to the point, puts him on the spot, and yet isn’t overly rude. If he makes any hint at wanting to go out, just tell him “Sorry, but I’m not interested.” If he persists after that, then I’d get the RA involved. Just keep it short and simple.</p>

<p>Don’t do it with a bunch of people around, though – that can possibly cause a lot of embarrassment.</p>

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<p>i like lakerace’s idea. roll in a pack. sic your friends on em when he comes near</p>