<p>The topic also came up in her online chat yesterday as well, where she wrote in part:</p>
<p>"But I KNOW my kid is going to tell me, show me [his/her grades each term] or whatever or the funding is cut. She (they) will sign whatever is necessary to see their grades for me to keep paying. I'm also going to get them to sign a contract. I'm serious. </p>
<p>It will say: </p>
<p>-- You have FOUR years to graduate (unless they are in a bonafide five year program)
-- You have to keep a certain GPA (just like they might if they had a scholarship). I'll give some leeway for the freshman year but you better bring me good grads or explain why you can't.
-- You have to study aboard at least one semester. I did and it was such an incredible experience. Exception will be if their studies make it difficult.
-- No drinking, smoking, nookie. Yes, I'm going to have a morality clause. I know I can't watch them. I know they may stray away from our values. But it will be there for them to be reminded I expect them to behave and do what they would do if they lived in my home. </p>
<p>My money. My rules."</p>
<p>I'm not sure I could find the strength of character to get Happykid to sign a contract, but I'll be contemplating it!</p>
<p>I think such a contract would really only serve the parent’s peace of mind. If you think any kid that would need such a contract is actually going to to stick to it, you’re out of your mind. They’ll sign whatever to keep mom and dad happy, but when they’re at school and out from under their parents eye, they’ll make the choices they’re going to make without thinking of the contract.</p>
<p>I’d agree with showing me your grades, etc. I might even go so far as saying I expect a certain GPA. But insisting on study abroad is kinda silly - especially with the out clause that’s given. And a morality clause? This is probably the surest way you won’t hear anything that happens at college until a full decade or two passes!</p>
<p>What good is a contact if you already know it’s not going to be followed? And if you know the kid will probably break the morality clause (and be forgiven), why would they expect an absolute GPA will be upheld.</p>
<p>Three comments;
1- hahahahaha
2- you really mean NONE of that? really?<br>
3- if answer to #2 is “yes”, that is a cynical setup that ensures that your child will break the contract, which means that you have the power to revoke education any time you wish, and your child will know that; is that the sort of relationship you want with your child?</p>
<p>I’d guess that the author of this flotsam violated each of these rules and wants to prevent her progeny from making the same “mistakes”</p>
<p>Her oldest kid is only in middle school, so maybe her contract model will change by the time that one actually gets to college.</p>
<p>I do like the notion that is OK for parents to insist on some kind of decent progress toward a degree if they are the ones shelling out. I have a nephew who took five years for a liberal arts degree, is 60k in debt, lives in a financially depressed part of the country, and can only service his debt because he’s living at home for free and is guaranteed a minimum wage job in the small family business. If his parents had been less tolerant of the bad grades that resulted in needing to repeat multiple classes, he might have finished sooner. OR he might have transferred to the State U and finished with a lot less debt.</p>
<p>Yeah… and totally not reasonable to have “graduate in 4 years” and “must study abroad”. That works for some students, but when it can already be difficult to get all the classes you need to graduate, then to throw in study abroad which may be more complex in its transferability… stooopid.</p>
<p>Also, while I think the benefits of studying abroad can be great, for the rationale to make it mandatory being because <em>I</em> liked it is just clueless.</p>
<p>I mean, I’d like it if my kid studied abroad, but he just really isn’t that into the idea. He’s got his plate full at college, he loves being at his college, and he’s just kind of a homebody. I remember once we were having a conversation about “seeing the world” and I was a little dismayed he didn’t have a burning desire for that. He very politely gave me a correction, “Mom, I’m not you.” 'Nuff said.</p>
<p>To push his comfort zone I did encourage him to go away to school very far from home (clear across the country), and I do expect him to keep up his grades (I do have access to see them myself), and finish school in four years – but I’m not going to be issuing him contracts. His “morality” is his business as long as he’s not doing anything illegal or harming others. Whatever say I had in the morality sphere, I had for the first 18 years. Now, over.</p>
<p>One of the reasons I am now grateful to be putting myself through college
My parents can not expect me to sign such a ridiculous contract
let your kids grow up on their own</p>
<p>S loves his campus so much and switched majors, so he probably won’t study abroad. I am disappointed, but it is his decision.</p>
<p>He is at a school with very demanding academics, and he doesn’t need me to pressure him about grades. I trust he is doing his best. He always has. He is not as obsessive about grades as I am/was, but that’s a basic personality trait.</p>
<p>I expect he will graduate in four years because over 90% of kids at his school do. However, if there was some kind of glitch, I would certainly help him.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine having a child who could go through college without some experimentation and without “nookie” as the OP put it.</p>
<p>He is not much a fan of alcohol, but I do think the legal drinking age should be 18 and it’s normal to have an occasional beer.</p>
<p>Sex? Of course. As someone I respect said, “You walk and talk at around a year and you start having sex at around 17 or 18. These are developmental milestones.” It seems so to me.</p>
<p>Smoking is more complicated because of illegality and possible addiction to nicotine. But I wouldn’t make that a deal breaker either.</p>
<p>I choose to pay for college. I don’t think that gives me control over their lives.</p>
<p>DD did graduate in four years from a very rigorous school with a respectable GPA.</p>
<p>DS is a junior and following her closely on the same path.</p>
<p>But I am their ally, not their adversary, and they have never given me reason to mistrust them.</p>
<p>I think a parent should only have their child sign a contract that they can and will enforce.
If the child lives away from home they can’t enforce their behavior. So, having that in the contract turns it into a joke.
If the parent says the child must have a 2.8 every semester and they get mono and pull a 2.7 is the parent going to enforce the contract and pull funding? If not then the contract is worthless.</p>
<p>This is nothing more than a bribe and a thinly veiled one at that. How old are her children?</p>
<p>Parts of the contract are very useful and enforceable. That assumes that if the college student breaks one of the rules the parent actually withdraws financial support… which can be difficult to do once their son or daughter are several semesters into the process or just a few semesters short of finishing a degree. If however, the parent is able to follow through (and deal with the “lost” investment of the prior semesters) the contract would work.</p>
<p>1) Four years. That’s easy. Just take a look and make sure the student isn’t falling behind on the four year plan (core classes, required classes, number of overall credits, etc). Parent just needs to see the transcript each semester. If they fall behind, pull the parental funding.</p>
<p>2) GPA. See official transcript each semester. If they fall below the benchmark, pull the funding.</p>
<p>3) Study abroad. Might have to be flexible there, including that it could affect the 4year plan. But other than that, it should be obvious if that semester abroad is being planned and executed.</p>
<p>4) The morality clause. It would be the hardest to enforce, but if information comes to light to the parent, then the student can expect funding to be withdrawn. This clause might not prevent these risk-taking behaviors, but the consequences have been laid out ahead of time.</p>
<p>I agree with all of the general ideas of the contract though aware they are almost impossible for probably the majority of young adults to want to follow. The college years and the “emerging adult” years converge in an interesting way. Just as an 18 - 25 year old is wanting to experiment and try on new things (psychologically what they are destined to do in modern western culture) is the same period of time that parents are pressured (by fears, hopes and dreams for their children) to shell out upwards of $200,000 in a space of 4 years to give their child that ivy league education. The timing of college couldn’t be any worse from the parent’s financial investment perspective.</p>
<p>College has emerged as a strange extended parental environment for young adults… read any literature on “emerging adulthood” for a better perspective on this.</p>
<p>Wow, if I thought my child needed a contract for college, I’m not sure he/she is ready to go!!</p>
<p>I completely trust my S to do what is expected of him, and I’m sure he will make mistakes along the way. Isn’t that part of the process? He started college at 18 and will finish at 22 - way too old for that type of “helicopter” parenting. Just my 2 cents.</p>
<p>While if the priority is to get a degree, I can see the benefits to saving money by living with parents, but if an additional consideration is learning how to juggle taking care of laundry, transportation and meals for oneself as well, then I think residential college is another priority.</p>
<p>If you want to be the sort of parent that tightly dictates support whether it be emotional/financial, that is certainly a choice, but while I think it is necessary to identify what you feel you can help with before they start the process of transitioning to college/independence, I wouldn’t want to dictate to my adult child like they were six .</p>
<p>If they have been raised with strong values and have shown ability to reason and make good decisions, then I can trust them to continue that, they aren’t going to turn into Dr Hyde as soon as they step onto a college campus, unless they aren’t ready, in which case I would strongly encourage them to take a year off to work/travel before starting college.</p>
<p>My parents had me sign the same sort of contract before agreeing to pay for college. While it’s created many shouting matches over the phone, which have ended in tears for both of us, the only actual impact it’s had on my grades is to cause me to be significantly more stressed out at the end of term. Making your kids sign a contract before you pay for college is, in my opinion, one of the stupidest ideas out there. You should make your decision to pay for college based on how much you trust your child to behave themselves and to give you a decent return on your investment. If you don’t think your child will take advantage of the opportunities that college will provide them with, then you shouldn’t pay. No sense in attempting to manipulate them with a silly contract.</p>
<p>And, as a side note, one of the most terrible, stressful, and depressing weeks of my life was spent in the financial aid office, begging for advice on how to get student loans when I only managed a 3.5 / 5.0 instead of a 4.0 / 5.0 my first term on grades at my extremely difficult and prestigious engineering school. When my parents agreed to pay for this semester, I nearly told them to forget about it, because having them pay is definitely not worth giving them the power to turn me into a nervous, paranoid basket case whenever I get a suboptimal grade back. But, of course, where is a college student supposed to come up with 50k on short notice?</p>
<p>Well not really sure about the need for a formal contract - but I see absolutely nothing wrong in any parent saying</p>
<ol>
<li>You get $x and we are only funding 4 years</li>
<li>You need to keep your grades up </li>
<li>You need to act with the values and morals we instilled in you</li>
</ol>
<p>I think the writer’s point is college is a huge financial commitment for a lot of families and why should it turn into a multi-year party?</p>
<p>I feel like there’s a significant difference between saying ‘these are our expectations, if you aren’t living up to them, we are going to have a serious conversation’ and saying ‘we are going to enumerate our expectations, and you are going to sign this contract, and if you violate it, we are cutting you off.’</p>
<p>One communicates trust in your child, one is just insulting.</p>
<p>I have no problem with contracts that are enforcable. So yes if a parents says graduate in four years and maintain a certain GPA that’s okay with me. I’d probably put in some language that would allow for outs. A change of major that was obviously a good idea, documented proof that you were shut out of courses for example. However I think it’s probably a better idea to make sure your kid is at a college where kids don’t regularly get shut out of courses they need to be in. My son had to sit on the waiting list for one course one year, but he eventually got in. Trying to enforce morality is just silly, and besides I wouldn’t mind a bit of drinking (once my son is old enough) or sex. Smoking is dumb, I’d be disappointed if he started up, but not so disappointed as to cut off tuition. </p>
<p>That said, I had confidence that he would do well in college and he has. I’ve never actually seen his grades, but I have seen the letters that he’s been on the Dean’s List every semester, so I presume they are what he says they are. :)</p>
<p>k4r3n2: I guess that’s what I was trying to say.</p>
<p>mathmom: Hm. I was thinking of both kinds of smoking. One is completely dumb for health reasons; the other for legal reasons, though I have heard that one has been decriminalized in MA where many kids attend college.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids were on Dean’s list, though I know they tried mightily. I really had to lower my expectations. When I saw that Williams was second on a list of difficulty of earning an A (Boalt scale) I had to accept that my kid wasn’t going to have the GPA I wished for.</p>
<p>That said, he has never had a grade under a B- and has had some A’s sprinkled in there, as had D. On the other hand, I am amazed at how much each one has learned.</p>
<p>Seems to me it’s a problem if you even think you need a contract with your kid-- meaning by the time they’re 18, you still don’t know them well enough and/or trust them enough to know how they’ll manage life. My college sophomore is no idiot-- she knows what college costs and that it’s her job to do as well as she can and finish in four years. If she didn’t get that just by osmosis by the time she graduated from high school, she wouldn’t have been mature enough to go to college in the first place.</p>