Full Pay and empty handed

So if you feel like you are going to be financially pinched…don’t go to Amherst.

You know…I was a self pay poor college student who worked my way through undergrad school back in the day when you could do so. I sometimes was juggling two or three part time jobs. I was an RA for a year. I graduated a term early to save money.

My roommate was a multimillionaire. And you know…it didn’t make any difference. Sure, sometimes she picked up the cost of the whole delivered pizza. But sometimes I got it for free because I worked at the pizza place and was allowed to make one to bring home after work.

@Riversider two important things.

  1. Don’t count other people’s money.
  2. Learn to live within your means whatever that is.

My two closest friends at college were from extremely well to do families. One of them was a stepdaughter of someone immensely wealthy. It didn’t matter then, or now.

My youngest has several friends from college that are from well known family and flat out wealthy. Doesn’t seem to matter much. He has friends on full aidvand variations of the same. They do what they can together but they all have timenor money restrictions so they do not move in time all together

Some schools cost $75K but I’m sure in a couple of years It will cost 80K.

This is just like buying too much house that you can’t maintain because all of your money is tied up in mortgage payments, which far too many people do. The answer is simple - don’t do it.

When my D and I were considering college admissions strategies, I explained to her that at full pay, which we would be, there would be no extras. But if on substantial scholarship, she wouldn’t need to work during the school year, she’d get a generous monthly allowance for discretionary spending, I’d pay for all the study abroad she wanted, and I’d give her the equivalent of in-state costs at graduation. Being financially savvy, she was immediately on board with the merit chase. It’s worked out beautifully. She sees how some of her friends struggle for the extras. One of her main group of friends who are all on the same scholarship spend freely and don’t have campus jobs. It’s nice not having to worry about paying for pizza, etc.

I’m sorry, but a family with an EFC of $81,000 does not have has financial need, demonstrated or not.

If a family is complaining about not being able to eat out or go on trips with wealthy friends, they do not have financial need, demonstrated or not.

A family which is not willing to spend $5,000 to provide a kid with orthodontia so that they can spend $324,000 on sending another kid to the most expensive college in the USA, has “demonstrated” need of social services, family therapy, and having their priorities readjusted with a wrench.

You really need to learn what the term “financial need” actually means. I can tell you, though, what it does NOT mean. It does not mean “not having enough money to eat out at an expensive restaurant twice a week”. It does not mean “not having enough money to take an annual vacation at an expensive resort”. It does not mean “not being able to afford designer clothes in the newest fashions”.

It definitely does not mean “not being able to keep up appearances of being in the top 1% by income”.

As in, you can buy a BMW or a Honda. Both will get you from A to B, but if you buy the BMW you can’t complain that it requires premium gas, or complain that it cost 20K more than the Honda. Those are choices made.

The high end of the expenses assumes maximum travel expenses of $2500, which often are not included in COA at many other schools. If a student is on FA, s/he likely won’t have her/his travel expenses fully covered. I believe the FA formula usually covers 2 round trips annually based at year-round average cost. That’s why many students on FA (including full ride) don’t go home on major holidays when the costs are significantly higher than average.

My kid didn’t come home except at Christmas and in the summer…and it had little to do with finances. Her school was 3000 miles away. Thanksgiving was one week before exams began. It made no sense to fly her home and fly her back for one week…plus she had great relatives who welcomed her each thanksgiving. Spring breaks, a lot of schools have service trips…student fundraiser to participate. My kid did those.

If coming home more often is an important criteria, then one needs to choose a college at a price point AND location that makes this possible.

If this isn’t about @Riversider 's own child, then it’s all second hand.

If it’s her own kid, why leave him with a 25k annual bill? No other choices? If he’s got work study and the student loan, that’s short 16-18k per year. And at the end, saddled with 90k+ loans?

Or is this hypothetical for a kid still in high school?

Ps. Not fair to assume kids poor enough to get full aid are living high off “the system.” Most generous colleges still leave them needing to work and borrow, with no perks at home.

Here we go again with this magical bucket of money that poor kids get. Maybe times have changed since I was the poor kid going to college. Maybe they started giving out the magic bucket of money after I graduated. Please stop spreading this myth. It’s not real.

Oh, there is a magical bucket of full ride plus for those kids who have managed to get the courses, grades, test scores, guidance to apply to the few top schools that meet full need and get accepted. All despite a low EFC and usually the challenges that come with it. No doubt there are some kids who sneak into this crowd undeserved as it does happen in any and every scenario.

But, anyone can join this crowd by giving up assets and income. No guarantee your kid will get the golden ticket from that magic bucket, but it gives him a chance.

People are miserably obsessing over those who just might get full financial aid at the HYPMSC etal when they would have to pay out of pocket. That there is no chance for merit bothers the heck out of them.

We wind up choosing the flagship state school in-state. Lots of kids get “merit” scholarships at second tier private schools, or at other states’ flagship state schools, that offer a rate similar to what the in-state flagship would cost. We don’t have our kids apply to schools that are a long shot, and that won’t offer them merit aid. And yes, we are angry that many students with lesser qualifications than our kids, get full free rides at the top schools.

I’m having trouble feeling badly for a family with a calculated full pay of $80,000 or so. This means their income is north of $250,000 a year…and/or huge assets.

Where is all that income going? And if it really is stretching them…then find a less costly school.

Sure, some families have other financial obligations they set as priorities. But if you have a $250,000 a year income or more…there IS an affordable college for your kid…and one where you can still afford braces, and your kid doesn’t have to earn $20,000 to cover what the family can’t or won’t pay.

Choices choices.

College admission is about more than just stats. Just because you think a kid is less qualified doesn’t mean they are.

It’s too bad you’re angry that your kid doesn’t qualify for a full ride. You’re not angry enough to quit your job and ditch your assets, though, are you?

@parentologist - Many are getting full rides? Full rides are pretty rare. We have a 0 EFC and there are no full rides for us. Closest we’ve come to is Huntsville on 100% tuition, but that’s completely merit and your kid could get that as well. Probably with free room and board too if your kid is a candidate for the top schools. Even assuming my kid could get into the elite privates they’re still not free and 10K/year when you make 40K is still painful.

Would need to quit the job two years earlier.

Feeling sorry isn’t the way I’d describe it. But there is a frustration that the most revered schools, considered the pinnacle of education in our country, possibly the world are private schools that cost money. For those who can easily afford the cost, well and good. For those deemed unable to pay, it can be free. For most of us , we are assessed a toll, determined by formula what we must pay to gain access to these universities.

Another thing about threads like these that really burns my butter. All the blame and anger is always directed at the poor kid with the zero EFC. Where is all that anger for the school that is charging $80,000 per year in the 1st place. If you feel that strongly about it then why buy into system. I think the price of cell phones are getting out of control. I don’t go out and spend $1000 on iPhone and complaint about how I paid full price and get mad at the person who won one for free in a lottery. I vote with my wallet. I don’t buy any phones over $200. You can do the same thing with college choices.

Colleges clearly cost too much here in the US. Public universities aren’t adequately funded to compete effectively with the privates, so privates are dominant, unlike in any other major countries. The situation is similar on the healthcare side. We, as a country, is philosophically, ideologically, and almost uniquely, resistant to public funding even for undertakings only the government can do efficiently and for the greater good of the nation as a whole.

No matter how much money you have, there will be others who have more. If you live in a Park Ave apartment that you own and send your kid to a private school, she will inevitably have friends who live in entire brownstones, have a string of show horses, houses in Easthampton and Vail and private planes to get to them, and who accessorize their uniforms with Madison Avenue purchases (of which they tire quickly). So although you are actually remarkably privileged in the world, you feel like a pauper in your social circle. You can try to keep up (unsuccessfully) or just come clean. It’s awkward to say "I can meet you at the club but I can’t afford dinner at X tonight " but it’s important to learn how to do it with grace.